What is a reasonable consequence for this behaviour?

[Mamabear04]

DP picks DD up from school, she's a month shy of 5 years old. It's cold and she comes out with no jumper or jacket on. DP says she needs to put at least one on for the walk home. DD screams in an all out tantrum, throws bag on the ground, goes to kick the bag but kicks DP hand instead then continues with meltdown. Toddler is screaming now in buggy and DP speaks quietly but firmly, helps her on with jacket and then gets both kids home. DP works from home and has gone back to work (into a meeting). What would you give is a consequence to this behaviour? For context DD was upset about having to put on jacket/jumper but also because DP picked her up and not me (I'm having problems with my asthma and he took a break from work to help me get a rest as I've been looking after our sick toddler all day). I feel so incredibly embarrassed that the whole school saw how she behaved.

Absolutely do not criticise how dh dealt with it, sounds like he did great. And if dh is picking up and he says coat on, then coat on it is.

Fucking hell it’s parents like you lot that make me want to quit teaching.

Sounds like it was ‘dealt’ with in the right way. As a SN mum sometimes outbursts are unpredictable and people watch and it’s not pleasant but worse thing you can do is punish. Model good behaviour and or put it down to being tired.

Welcome to what my kids were like in the first half of Reception year almost every single day. They are exhausted from school and play up. They've spent the day behaving like the model child for their teacher and as soon as they see their safe adult that let it all out on you. I wouldn't worry at all what the other parents will be thinking. They will mostly be thinking, thank god it's not my kid today. No punishment required. The natural learning will come from them getting cold because they don't have their coat or jumper. Let them have the freedom to learn from this mistake. That said my 10 yr old still refuses to wear a jumper or coat until the bitterest of weather.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Mine still resist all advice to wear coats etc. They just go without and then make adjustments as necessary.

What do you expect him to have done?

The child was tired and overly emotional. Likely only been in school a couple of weeks. The coat was put on and they got home safe.

I'd tell her she apologies to Daddy for how she behaved. If she does it again there will be X consequence.

When one of mine got defiant about shit like that I let them get cold.

She was tired from school. Not wanting a coat isn't the end of the world.

A better tactic would have been to explain she might get cold without a coat so did she want to wear it or not. If she said not then let her go without.

I have twins so did this often. Pick your battles. If they moaned they were cold on the way home I said they need to walk faster or jump and walk as they chose not to put a coat on.

Welcome to 5 year olds who like expressing their opinions!

This is completely normal child behaviour.

Can't believe you want to punish this to be honest.

Also pick your battles, let her get cold. That's the consequence of no jacket.

Ridiculous making her put coat/jumper on, I wouldn't think any ' consequences ' req.

Bit pointless punishing her after the fact. Your dh did the right thing, quietly got her coat on, got her home.

She’s four. She’s, what, three weeks into Reception? She was probably hungry. She was having restraint collapse (Google it). Making a kid wear a layer they don’t want in September is daft.

Everyone should have a biscuit and move on.

Exactly this. My kids also used to get very ‘thrown’ when they think they are going to see one parent but another one arrives.

No punishment but perhaps a little chat about the tantrum.

I'm always freezing, probably because I'm oldish, and when I see small children walking home from the local primary school in short sleeved shirts when I'm wearing a warm coat, I often think 'goodness, aren't they cold', but I appreciate small children often don't seem to feel the cold, certainly not the way I do.

The whole episode could have been avoided if your DP had just accepted that DD didn't want to wear her coat or jumper at that point just because he felt cold.

DP need to learn to pick his battles.

No. I don't agree for one minute you need a consequence.

Wait until bedtime this evening. Be present, and I mean 100% listening. Ask her , hey what was going on today?

She will tell you. Why does she have to wear the coat? Her dad was there, she could ask for it at any point. She was probably hot and bothered. She's probably over stimulated, she's started school, it's all new and probably scary.
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It does not take much to just stop, pause and understand what's going on here.

I think we get so wrapped up in needing to be right and in control that we act ridiculously ( eg the coat!). Does it really matter.

Tell her you're glad she's explained what was happened today ( when you listen) and tell her she really needs to find a way to talk to you about things, or your husband's without lashing out next time. Tell her there will be times you can't collect her and you can't change that.

But surely the point is she wouldn’t listen or follow instructions. It may not matter if it’s wearing a coat but what if it was running off/ crossing a road etc?

At this age school is exciting and busy and ongoing all day. Yes of course they get quite time but it's still a lot.
She was most probably overtired and hungry. Distraction technique is what's needed. Give her a snack and chat about the leaves on that tree or does she want pasta or chicken for tea. And then when she's decompressed just ask her to pop her jumper on then, to help you out, not enough hands to hold everything.
It's ok. You can do this.

The consequence is that she gets cold because putting on a jacket is not a battle I would choose…

Did she know her dad would be picking her up?

It sounds like your DH dealt with it perfectly.
At that age any consequences have to be immediate or they struggle to make the connection between the behaviour and the punishment.

How is that relevant? The child doesn't get to dictate who collects them.

Ahh memories! Dd did this except I caught the foot that was kicking she fell backwards and I grabbed her shirt so she wouldn't smack her head of the tarmac my comments of well this could hardly look worse now could it reduced her teacher to tears of laughter I mean I literally had a foot in one hand and a fistful of tshirt in the other

Either way tantrums are fine but kicking is not fine and five (or almost five) is old enough to have the conversation about why we don't kick and maybe suggest an apology to dad over his hand (not a forced apology I always used to ask if she felt like she "should" say sorry sometimes the answer was no and I accepted that) and leave it

It's dealt with. I'd maybe have a chat when you're having a cuddle about how we use our words rather than screaming and throwing things. I'd also not force her to wear a coat. If she gets cold, she gets cold.

I used to take that line - until DS1 got cold and wet and then got viral flu and was off school for two weeks.

The younger one was therefore told to put a coat on, no arguing.

OP, I’d tell her to say sorry to Daddy for kicking and that she needs to put a coat on because even if she feels warm it will soon be cold and she needs to wear it.