What is a reasonable consequence for this behaviour?

[Mamabear04]

DP picks DD up from school, she's a month shy of 5 years old. It's cold and she comes out with no jumper or jacket on. DP says she needs to put at least one on for the walk home. DD screams in an all out tantrum, throws bag on the ground, goes to kick the bag but kicks DP hand instead then continues with meltdown. Toddler is screaming now in buggy and DP speaks quietly but firmly, helps her on with jacket and then gets both kids home. DP works from home and has gone back to work (into a meeting). What would you give is a consequence to this behaviour? For context DD was upset about having to put on jacket/jumper but also because DP picked her up and not me (I'm having problems with my asthma and he took a break from work to help me get a rest as I've been looking after our sick toddler all day). I feel so incredibly embarrassed that the whole school saw how she behaved.

@Maray1967 but if she doesn't feel cold, she won't want a coat on? She has bodily autonomy and if she doesn't want a coat she doesn't need to wear one.

It's not been that cold lately. 15/16 degrees. Imagine you're tired, warm, hungry and someone tries to force you to do something you see no sense in. You'd be upset and angry. She felt the same way, but had no appropriate way to let it out.

I have a very sensitive child who was still having epic tantrums at that age (and beyond). I never punished him for a tantrum. I could always see clearly that he was upset rather than deliberately being naughty. I had friends and family telling me I should hit him or harshly punish him when he got into a state, but believe me, this would have been like pouring petrol onto a fire.
Instead, I helped him to to calm down and reassured him.
Sure, if he's naughty he gets a punishments, but I don't see being overwhelmed by emotions as bad behaviour. It was horrible for him.

Wow, the shaming! Start saving for your kids therapy bills now!

Well the consequence should have been her being cold because she wasn't wearing a coat. But that ships sailed 🤣🤣🤣

Honestly pick and choose your battles, unless you're taking her on a trip to the Arctic she won't be freezing to death. Especially as its still so warm.

No, she really doesn’t. It’s dealt with, you are home and she was probably just tired from school. Be nice to her.

I mean I wouldnt deal with it how that poster said, but therapy because they were told they were acting like a baby, when in fact they were acting like a baby? As I say it's not what I'd say or how I'd deal with it, but therapy is a stretch.

Well the consequence should have been her being cold because she wasn't wearing a coat. But that ships sailed 🤣🤣🤣

This. She would have been fine without a jacket.

I wouldn't have forced it. She'd come out of a hot school and was probably warm, but overwhelmed and overtired and possibly hungry too. She'd probably been keeping it together all day. A snack might help. Mine used to put the coat on once they cooled down and wanted it on so I didn't enforce it.

Lol. Don't be so bloody dramatic!

Yeah no punishment it’s dealt with but maybe calm talk about behaviour and expectations when she’s calm? Your DH did a sterling job getting her calmly into an extra layer and home and then not giving it more attention than needed

Surely Dad's word at school was the telling off she needed. She then put the coat on and came home. Why do you need to punish her further? She's tired, upset and feels unheard.

But sure op, perhaps bed without supper, no tech for a week and have to write Daddy a letter of apology no less than 1000 words.

Don’t be mean. She doesn’t need a ‘consequence’ - she was probably over-tired as demonstrated by her having a tantrum at her age. I really would not have been worried about her not having another layer on.

Have a nice chat with her about how her dad was just worried she’d be cold. Job done.

To be honest I'd let this go as well. Your partner dealt with it at the time. My guess is she's coming out exhausted, hungry, cold and overestimated. Maybe she had a bad day and didn't have the resilience for it. It's still early in the school year and she may still be adjusting to a new teacher and new work, different relationship dynamics, different rules etc. It's totally normal for kids to struggle after a full day like that and all of that is a lot for a 5 year old without the coping skills for it all. Next time I'd consider bringing a small snack for her to have coming out of school like a piece of fruit and some water. I think your other half dealt with it well by being firm but calm at the time. Wouldn't give another thought to who else might have witnessed it they were probably thinking at least its not just their child who has these moments.

Your child got viral flu because they contracted the flu virus not because they got cold and wet.

I would have a stern word about kicking her dad and tell her not to do that again. You need to work out consequences for bad behaviour with your DH so that she has consequences immediately and they're consistent.

Agree with the posts I've seen as I scanned through, no consequence necessary. Tired, hungry, overwhelmed 5yos will meltdown over stuff - if it hadn't been the coat it would've been something else. The coat was just the excuse.

Deal with it at the time and move on.

Considering you don't seem to understand how children this young can behave when they're emotional and overly stimulated, maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing.

I don't live in England and the country I live in is much colder atm (below 10°). She has been at school now for around 6 weeks. Whoever picks her up always brings a snack and usually a nice little treat at that. I get that they are tired and emotional but I absolutely think having that level of tantrum is not on. I absolutely believe she is old enough and clever enough to understand that that isn't how she should behave. We talk to her all the time about using her words etc instead of screaming and she knows that we are open to talking about something and letting certain things give if she explains why. She didnt do that though and i absolutely will not stand hitting or kicking. I'd be happy to let her get cold but tbh I don't want another sick child. It's that time of year when all the bugs are brewing and I don't want anything to make us more ill than need be. From a practical point of view I've eneded up in hospital because of the kids viruses that have triggered my asthma and I need to be on form to keep the ship running.

I think its done with now... forget it and all move on

For what its worth, I think your dh handled it really well. I too would have made her choose coat or jumper once I'd asked for them to put one on and let her just have the tantrum. He remained calm and carried on with the walk home, its done now try not to give it another thought

Oh and she was quite happy to get picked up by her DGP without warning yesterday!

Grandparents are a "treat" though and the being thrown off is overwritten by excitement.

It happens. I'm 25 and if I'm frustrated I can get emotional. Obviously I don't kick people but I can get teary when I'm tired, hungry and overwhelmed. It happens.

There is literally no point punishing her now after the fact. It would be like smacking a puppy for a wee it did in the corner a week ago. Won’t connect.

your DH dealt with it at the time. Have a grown up conversation with her at some point when she’s calm and receptive about kicking and screaming and why we don’t do that if you must and move on.

No one gets a virus from not putting their coat on and getting cold…..i wouldn’t make a big deal out of it ……..reward the good behaviour….ignore the bad…..she’s 5 ….they are tired after a day of being good at school

Well the consequence was that she’d have got cold if he’d just shrugged his shoulders. Then when she was cold he could have explained that’s why he wanted her to wear it.

Your child absolutely did not contract the flu virus for being cold and wet, surely you know this?