What is a reasonable consequence for this behaviour?

[Mamabear04]

DP picks DD up from school, she's a month shy of 5 years old. It's cold and she comes out with no jumper or jacket on. DP says she needs to put at least one on for the walk home. DD screams in an all out tantrum, throws bag on the ground, goes to kick the bag but kicks DP hand instead then continues with meltdown. Toddler is screaming now in buggy and DP speaks quietly but firmly, helps her on with jacket and then gets both kids home. DP works from home and has gone back to work (into a meeting). What would you give is a consequence to this behaviour? For context DD was upset about having to put on jacket/jumper but also because DP picked her up and not me (I'm having problems with my asthma and he took a break from work to help me get a rest as I've been looking after our sick toddler all day). I feel so incredibly embarrassed that the whole school saw how she behaved.

Nowhere, nowhere has the OP said she wants to "punish" her DD 🙄 she asked for suggestions for the "reasonable consequences" for DD's behaviour.

Personally I think her own suggestion that DD says sorry to her dad for shouting and screaming is perfectly fine.

Ffs sorry...
Have a chat about what big feelings she must have been experiencing to have got so upset and think about how else you could all manage that.

She doesn't need a consequence she's learning how to regulate and manage being upset/sad/hot/tired and expressing that through her behaviour.

Being cold for a short period doesn't make you ill. You get ill, mostly, from infections. From contact with other people. Being chilly on the way home won't make her sick.

I would take something small away, so a teddy (not her favourite) or pudding. Explain that you won't have that again, and then, if she tries it again, you can remind her that she lost something last time and will lose it again if she continues.

A consequence would have been getting cold from not wearing her coat.

She's just little and tired & cranky from school.

Punishing her after the fact would be ridiculous.

Cold weather doesn't cause illness - viruses do.

As you can see, in the UK, we allow children to do whatever they want with little consequence, contributing to lots of behaviour and mental health issues later.

Don't take advice on this from a UK forum, would be my advice.

I don't think she needs any further consequence. It wasn't deliberate behaviour, it was deregulation.

The consequence is getting cold.

Nooo they're totally over stimulated and physically and mentally exhausted after school at this age and for a year or two yet. Let it go, no big deal, no harm done. She's tired.

Why do you feel the need to punish your child? You can parent perfectly well without punishments. It takes a bit more input from you though. A punishment hands it all over to the child. You can sit back with a glass of wine, cup of coffee etc while they handle the whole lot of whatever happened and how they handled it on their own.

You might assume that you are a bad parent if you don't punish your child. Maybe you were punished.

But you don't have to do it. Instead deescalate and listen, find out what's wrong. It possibly was nothing to do with the coat but instead not having the words to explain what upset her at school. Kids often keep it in at school and dump it on a trusted parent afterwards. It's our job to read beneath the behaviour and see what is really going on.

I’m going against most of the advice as I think she should be made to say sorry to her Dad for kicking him. She has to be told that no matter how upset she feels, she must never kick, hit or hurt anyone. She’s absolutely old enough to understand this!

I think it is personally, but obviously people decide what they want to teach their children and it's up to them really

This is such bullshit honestly. 🙄

I mean the consequence is that having a tantrum is upsetting and exhausting for the child. It's not like they enjoy it. DD1 is always drained after.

Personally I'd just have a small chat when things are calm saying that in future you don't want to hear she's been trying to hit, and leave it at that. First weeks of school are exhausting for them and they've got a lot to process. To us it was just the coat thing, to them it was just perhaps the final thing in a day that's tipped them over the edge.

It really isn't. Kids behaviour is worsening everywhere in the UK and we wonder why. In schools, at home, in the streets.

Kicking your bag on the ground in a major tantrum isn't acceptable at 5. At 2, maybe, but a 5 year old (or nearly 5) absolutely should have some form of consequence. Showing your child that there are boundaries is good parenting. They need to know where the boundaries are and learn to respect them.

Eye rolls won't make your posts true or hold more weight by the way. We're all entitled to opinions.

That's right, undermine your husband and teach her that food will make her feel better. What could be wrong with that?

A talk about how she behaved and she isn't to do that again simply because she wanted you to collect her and not your DP. That isn't ok. She needs to know that.

Apart from that, the matter was dealt with by your DP.

What was rude about asking why its relevant? Jeez are you always so sensitive?

No, she’s behaving like that because she is FOUR.

your job is to parent your child, not punish them for behaving like a child. She did nothing wrong and frankly the fact that you think she deserves punishment for having a moment of deregulation after a day at school when your husband already handled it says way more about you than it does about her.

Have a seat.

Oh! If only I had known when my DD was younger that talking to a young child and giving them a consequence after a tantrum would stop all future tantrums................

I wouldn't have even made a big deal about putting anything else on. As long as my DD comes out with her belongings I don't care if she doesn't want to wear the coat or jumper, if she gets cold she can put something back on.

Sounds like she's nearly 5, tired, hungry, and emotional. There doesn't need to be a consequence.

My son used to do this, hates wearing a coat or jumper. We realised letting him go out and get cold was the best way to get him to put it on rather than fight with him. Now when we say it's cold outside he just puts it with no fuss, he has to learn everything the 'hard way'.
I would talk to her and explain that wasn't good behaviour and you expect better from her etc etc. then let it go.

Hideous.

Teaching her she should do anything grown ups tell her is hardly clever.

And shaming her is a great way to destroy her self confidence and increase her chances of mental health issues later in life.

Wow, missing the point spectacularly on two levels.

1. Her dad made her put her coat on, so she didn't get what she wanted.

2. nor did she "want" to have a tantrum. She lost control and she won't have enjoyed it.

Telling her off and making her feel unloved by her parents after this meltdown will not persuade her never to have another one; in fact it will just make her feel more anxious and emotionally insecure, leading to more instability.

Oh and she was quite happy to get picked up by her DGP without warning yesterday!

Which actually makes her being out of sorts today, when being collected by someone other than you again, more likely rather than less likely.

Your DH dealt with it how he saw fit. It's not something that needs you to dish out consequences as well.