AIBU to rehome our much loved dog?

[Fluffy2023]

I need some impartial advice before I potentially make a terrible choice so hit me with your honest thoughts please. For context, I have a dog who we have owned from a pup. He was brought home and lockdown happened the following day which meant no socialisation or training classes. This meant after lockdown, he was terrified and fear aggressive to dogs and people. We did take him to multiple training classes when things re opened, however this made him more scared. We have always managed his fear aggression by keeping him away from visitors and worked with a behaviouralist, making him slightly more calm. We have also had a baby who is now a toddler and our dog is scared and lashes out at the toddler whenever he is in the same room. We are now in a position where the dog is living in another room to the family and we feel this isn't fair on him. He gets walked and love and attention but not as much as we or he would like. We have found a possible suitable match for him (pending a home check and that the new owner wants him after initial meeting).
I'm in bits, is it more cruel to send him away, or to keep him with us but living in a separate part of the house? We have tried things with vet advice including medication but no improvement. My main worry is that even with checks, his new home might be cruel or dishonest or give him away again when we can keep him, but just not as close to us as he would like. Any advice appreciated.

I won't comment on everything that has led to this but now the fact is you can't keep him. So seems the options are re home as carefully as you can and hope for the best or have him pts.

For the safety of your toddler and the mental well-being of the dog, you need to rehome him.

You need to be sure the new owner understands the issues with the dog, because if they later say you didn't make them clear you could find yourself embroiled in legal action. I recommend you write it all down in a declaration that forms part of the receipt of sale, and both parties sign and keep a copy.
You also need to accept that once you have passed him on, you lose all control over what happens to him. If you think there's a risk he'll end up as dog fighting bait, the kindest thing to do is have him euthanised.

A fear-aggressive dog is potentially a dangerous dog, and depending on the size/breed it may be irresponsible to palm it off on someone else.

realistically, who is going to want a dog that essentially cannot live a normal life to the point that it is confined to its own room away from family?

The dog has to be removed - it can’t stay if it is a threat to your child.

Are the potential new owners aware of the dogs behavioural issues? It seems safe to assume that a new environment may create even more problems for the dog and more behavioural issues.
Your dog and toddler need to learn to co exist although this obviously needs to be done carefully.Many dogs are kept separate from the family and it's not necessarily cruel if he's exercised and well looked after.

Have him pts. He's already anxious and being re homed is just going to add to that. The poor thing is just in for a life of misery. Pts is the kindest thing

You're doing the right thing. Particularly if you can find somebody who is prepared to live with his issues or work with him.

I would however never suggest you send a dog with this level of behavioural issues to rescue as they will put him down. They cannot be responsible for rehoming dogs like this. I myself have taken on a few 'nutters' in past which were unable to find homes for being aggressive and they all turned out okay with a bit of patience and the one that didn't remained on my farm as a yard dog til he died. So people are out there who will take these dogs but you need to be sure the person is responsible and prepared. You also need to be sure they don't have children themselves etc.

I know it's hard but if the home you have found offers the dog more than you offer it's better for him.

I'm not sure you have a choice, if he can't be trusted with your toddler, it's kinder to let him have a fresh start with someone who isn't trying to be in 2 places at once. A toddler can't be left unsupervised even for half an hour and they can't be together so you really don't have the time to spend with him. Its an awful situation and not fair but if you love him you have to do what's best for him.

Remember he is a part of your life but you are his whole life. He doesn't do anything or go anywhere without you, he has no-one else. It's not fair to ask him to spend his life waiting for you to have time to pay attention to him. I don't mean to sound harsh but it would be cruel not to rehome him.

Thank you, and yes they are aware and have other rescue dogs too. It's just weighing up what's best for our dog as well as our toddler. We have spent time trying to get the dog to coexist with our toddler however it's always ended in the dog growling and lunging. He is only a chihuahua and very small, but I would never risk him biting our child. We've always taught our toddler to stay away too and not touch as this would result in a potential bite.

Thank you for the honesty. I seem to have found a similar hidden gem like yourself who lives in a rural location with other rescues and has offered to take him. I'm torturing myself in case it turns out to be someone using him for dog fighting or an abusive home. We are having the potential new owner visit our house and then will plan a visit to their house to check it out and try with slow introductions. I just don't know if I can go through with it. You have given me some hope though that there are nice people willing to take on a dog with mega issues, thank you.

Thank you for the honesty. I know you are right too. I just want the best for him.

We have also had a baby who is now a toddler and our dog is scared and lashes out at the toddler whenever he is in the same room.

This is the only part of your post that really matters. You cannot keep this dog in your home. The risk is too great.

He's a chihuahua, but I understand your point all the same.

I adore dogs. If you didn't have a baby or young child I might suggest you continue to work with the behaviourist, but with a young baby in the mix rehoming is the best option. It's great that you have found a good home for your dog. It's so hard but you have to do what's best for the dog and your baby xx

Wow - if he's a danger to your toddler he needs to go.

I would definitely mention to the new owners the issue you’re having with your dog. If you didn’t, they could potentially place a child at risk.

My dog was a lockdown puppy so I do understand how difficult it was however she’s great. We were out on walks spent time in the garden etc. Our garden backed onto another neighbours with 3 dogs so that may have helped.

Given that you’ve tried behaviourists and training to no avail, I wouldn’t be comfortable in rehoming the dog. In a new environment the dog is only going to be more nervous which could definitely make the aggression more intense. Unfortunately for the dog IMO, pts may be best. I would never be confident in an aggressive dog I’d owned being passed on.

Have him PTS. Being put in kennels indefinitely will make him even more anxious and less likely to be suitable for a new home.

We wouldn't consider PTS, I'd rather he had a better chance. We have ruled out kennels and found a couple who have adopted rescues with issues such as fear aggression. He's a very small dog too so easy to handle compared to a bigger dog. My worry now is will they care for him or am I better off keeping him but living separately.

You could rehome and the dog bites the new owner, this could result in the dog being PTS also.

Exactly what other rescue dogs does this potential new home have ?

A 4 year old Chi - I would expect people to be queueing up to adopt such a dog, plenty of middle aged ladies and older ladies will adore him, and spoil him.

There are plenty of small rescues that would have him put into foster care until he was rehomed, it's just a case of finding the right rescue. Obiv one with a no destruction policy.

I know you're right and I'm torturing myself with the different outcomes.

https://www.chihuahuarescue.co.uk/dogs-needing-adoption/
Do you think a rescue specific to Chihuahuas may be better?

This kind of behaviour is not that unusual for a chihuahua. There’s one in my street who behaves like this. If your toddler and dog can’t exist in the same room - then you probably need to rehome him. Chihuahuas are not generally recommended with small children. If you are unsure with the person you have lined up, use a chihuahua specific rescue.

Not sure how to vote.
He gets walked and love and attention but not as much as we or he would like. If you have a good home/ "match" lined up that will take your dog just do it.