AIBU to rehome our much loved dog?

[Fluffy2023]

I need some impartial advice before I potentially make a terrible choice so hit me with your honest thoughts please. For context, I have a dog who we have owned from a pup. He was brought home and lockdown happened the following day which meant no socialisation or training classes. This meant after lockdown, he was terrified and fear aggressive to dogs and people. We did take him to multiple training classes when things re opened, however this made him more scared. We have always managed his fear aggression by keeping him away from visitors and worked with a behaviouralist, making him slightly more calm. We have also had a baby who is now a toddler and our dog is scared and lashes out at the toddler whenever he is in the same room. We are now in a position where the dog is living in another room to the family and we feel this isn't fair on him. He gets walked and love and attention but not as much as we or he would like. We have found a possible suitable match for him (pending a home check and that the new owner wants him after initial meeting).
I'm in bits, is it more cruel to send him away, or to keep him with us but living in a separate part of the house? We have tried things with vet advice including medication but no improvement. My main worry is that even with checks, his new home might be cruel or dishonest or give him away again when we can keep him, but just not as close to us as he would like. Any advice appreciated.

I totally agree. And I’m speaking as someone who did take in a fear-aggressive, reactive, very badly beaten, starved and traumatised street dog, who’d bitten multiple times and had various neuro and physical ailments. That same dog is now almost 12, and at almost 9 years later is snoring at my feet, he’s mine and I’m his but we’ve had an unbelievably hard journey getting here and he’ll never be “normal”. He got incredibly lucky landing here. Not sure I’d do it again tbh.

The dog came to us at 8 weeks. He was socialised as much as possible; minimum of 2 long walks per day, gatherings in the garden with family, our circle is small.
Breed awareness. I have awareness and experience of the breed.

So you are a first time owner, with breed awareness... but you didn't even think to question being able to take home an 8 week old chihuahua where mum AND dad were both present. You didn't find that breeder through ANY proper means. Which was it? Gumtree? Preloved? Facebook?

Because google was giving conflicting information you thought it was fine? I'm guessing tiktok videos google was where you got your 'breed knowledge' from too?

Quite worried that you are trying to spin this as you are a good owner that was just dealt a bad hand. I hope no more dogs have to suffer under your 'ownership' in the future. The first step to improvement is being honest with yourself about your failings. Pretending you had any kind of actual breed awareness is not doing that.

Bless you @Fourfurrymonsters you did such a kind thing for him

It is so hard to take in rescues like this and understandably, there aren't many people out there who are willing to take on all that it entails. I also think, like you, many people do it once and thing "God, never again".

OP has already said she won't be getting another dog. I think she's quite aware she screwed up on a grand scale. Is the kicking really necessary?

Regardless of whatever folk have said re. the past, I think you sound like you're doing everything right at the moment - you've worked with a behaviouralist, you're talking to your vet and you've worked out a system at home that is keeping your dog and child safe. And you're looking at how best to proceed.

I think you should rehome the dog. Normally I would always say to go through rehoming charities - either via a larger UK wide one or via a good local one - and not rehome via the internet. However, I would do some more due diligence on the person you've found - does your vet know her, and/or does the behaviouralist you've worked with before know her. It may also be worth asking any local rehoming centre if they know her. I live in a very rural area and know where I live I would be able to tell if this person is legit and known within the local dog community, or not.

It's also worth talking to a good local rehoming charity if you have one, some will advertise dogs and help with home checks but the dog stays in their old home whilst this happens. As you have done you need to be completely honest re your dogs issues. I think your dog needs an experienced home.

Good luck.

Thank you for the support. Some of the advice here has been brilliant. Some, very judgemental which is fine I accept it and take full responsibility for our doggo hence the post in the first place. We are in talks with possible new owner of meeting for walks etc first and a home visit. However thanks to some really helpful posters highlighting residential training we are now looking in to that too. If we can get his quality of life to a good standard, we can work with that and not exclude him as we are forced to do so at the minute. He might settle for being in the room with us but in a pen and not feel threatened.

I accept your anger, I really do. I'm not a first-time dog owner and have experience of 2 previous chihuahuas, both very different temperaments too. I've also had advice from our own vet who has a chihuahua with a similar temperament to mine... sometimes it is down to the dogs personality, plus all of my previously listed mistakes in judgement along the way. You can't get told that from a more reputable source than a vet about chihuahua traits.

I cant stress enough the failures on our side are acknowledged and that's why I'm still doing everything I can.

I'm too old for Tik Tok, although that may have been better for me to read regarding the 8 weeks to take a dog home. I acknowledge that. I'm not sure what anyone else uses to carry out research other than search engines? The American Kennel Club, along with other reputable sources advocate taking a puppy home from 8 weeks is ok "most veterinarians and breeders would put the optimum age to bring home a puppy somewhere between 8-to-10 weeks old" https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/puppy-information/best-age-bring-puppy-home/

While I understand your frustration and I am actually pleased youve got the best interest of dogs as a whole at heart, the point of posting was for advice, luckily some other very kind posters have provided this, with some possibly better outcomes for my dog. His welfare is our priority, and rehoming will only be a last resort for his benefit and quality of life.

I was still thinking about your dog and flicking around the British Chihuahua Rescue site earlier, and they have a little guy in with fear and aggression behavioural issues. It says the foster mum is working with him and making progress so I wonder if it's worth you emailing to ask exactly what training they're doing with him? Can't hurt to ask. https://www.thebcr.uk/our-dogs?id=1025735

Thank you so much for this. I will look in to it.

We rehomed our dog through a charity specifically for her breed. Really reassured us that she was going to a good home as they vetted all the families, performed follow-up visits and ensured our dog would be a good match. We get updates whenever we want them. Unless your proposed home is someone you know and trust I’d recommend going down the same route.

It absolutely broke my heart to rehome our girl but knowing she was safe, loved and happy in her new home made it a lot easier.

I can emphasise with you @Fluffy2023 We too have a tiny dog (Yorkie) that absolutely hates my 2 year old - constantly snaps at him. She’s an 9 year old rescue (we had her from a year old) and well trained/mannered/socialised with all people and animals otherwise, she just just hates being hassled by a toddler who doesn’t seem to understand the word “No” and the minute our back is turned, pesters her to “play” again! (and our other, more tolerant dog too).

We are just lucky that unlike yours she can’t bite hard/ properly due to jaw problems (and she has other serious/expensive health issues too which is which is why rehoming is not an option for us - plus like you I worry about what could happen if the new home isn’t what it seems? Or that it might be crueller taking her away from the rest of the people she loves and the environment she’s used to).

I have to tell myself that’s she’s still better with us than she would be in most rehoming centres - yes she unfortunately now has to be shut in a room most of the day to be away from toddler; but she is walked every day off lead, fed 3 times a day and let out to toilet multiple times and spends the evening in the rest of the house with us once toddler is asleep. Admittedly she has the other dog for company when we aren’t with her but it sounds quite similar otherwise to your situation.

We are hoping things will get better as toddler gets older and learns more control (plus he will be out most of the day at school in only a couple of years!) so maybe it will be the same for you? If not, I really hope everything works out well with the rehoming for you 🤞

Edit: Empathise 🤦‍♀️

Thank you so much for this...I think I needed to read this for my sanity. I'm thinking the same as you, keep him with us and try our best to give him the best life rather than potentially send him to someone who won't care for him or potentially nasty.

We are looking at residential training now as an additional option. It's expensive and I'll struggle to pay but hopefully it will make him a bit happier and calmer. We just want him happy and settled.
Thank you for telling me about your little doggo and your circumstances.

Please don't keep a dog like this in a house with a toddler - it would be incredibly irresponsible and you would never forgive yourself if something were to happen:

Be careful with residential training, I have heard some horror stories. Reasons to be skeptical include training in a completely unnatural environment from the dog's day to day life. Things might seem great at first but often old behaviours will return over time if the root of the problem and triggers are still there. Also, these behaviours develop over a long time so you cannot expect them to be fixed in a matter of days/weeks. You know from the training you've already done that it should and will be a slow process to help teach this dog a new way to process and deal with different situations. It's like all the nonsense reality dog training shows where they edit to make it look like they fix every problem in 2 minutes, which just isn't how it works.

What exactly will residential training do that you haven't already done with your dog training and behaviourist ?
except for removing him from his home to stay with strangers.

@Fluffy2023 I’m glad my story helped. Please DON’T feel guilty if you do decide to rehome though - you have already done so much in trying to help your dog. So many people just dump their dogs at the nearest rehoming centre once they have a baby - babies/toddlers and dogs are always a tricky combination and you have clearly tried hard but it is natural that your child must come first, and only you know your dog (and your child) best.

The decision was easy for us in comparison because a middle aged dog with chronic, expensive health conditions is unlikely to get a good home (plus we knew that she couldn’t bite toddler properly anyway and she has another dog for company when she is kept away so she isnt lonely).

Unfortunately your decision is tougher as a young, physically healthy dog (especially a tiny, cute one that doesnt require much exercise) may well be able to find a good pet free, child free home - there must be retired people out there looking.

Good luck to you, and as I said, try not to feel guilty- your child has to come first and you are doing the best you can

Thank you so much for this- you did the most difficult but ultimately kindest thing for the benefit of your doggo, I feel your pain.

We had a fear aggressive dog that would snap and nip at our young children. Like you we tried behaviourists. The rescues wouldn't take her as they said kennels would likely make her more fearful.

Unfortunately although the kids knew not to interact with her she ended up biting my child on the face when he went to band down and pick something up.

We could have let her live in a separate room in the house to the rest of us but felt this was cruel. The vets advice was to pts. Luckily my PIL's offered to take her.

She is much happier she lives with one other dog which had helped build her confidence as she follows her cues. She is in a much quieter environment which is more predictable that a busy home with young children. She is still a nervous dog but she will sit up with PIL's for cuddles and has a decent quality of life. So removing can work if you can find the right person/environment.

@Fluffy2023
Please don’t go down the residential training route.

It’s the child that’s the issue- he’s not good around Little kids.

Dogs ( and horses) sent away so often revert to old behaviours when back with the owners.

It’s the owners that need training alongside the dog or horse.

You’ll just waste your money.

Dogs behave for some people and not others.

Unless you too go to residential training, it’s pointless, especially for behaviour issues.

Gundog training for specific retrieval and carrying is different to a snappy bad tempered dog.

Little children and dogs are not a good mix, generally.

He’s better off via a specific breed rescue where he can be with an older person all day long, and no kids.

Exactly.
They may use aversive methods like shock collars ( so called E collars).

Far better to rehome via breed specific rescue.

Breed specific places really understand the dogs and wouldn’t place a dog with this history with children.

Can’t believe people are suggesting you kill this dog just based on this post 😡. Just shows the general attitude towards animals around here.

i also think the threat to the child sounds exaggerated- this dog is a Chihuahua.
We have a family member with a little dog that growls and bites- especially children . She obviously has some kind of neurological issue that means she gets anxious / stressed sometimes and lashes out. We’ve just taught the kids not to get too close to the dog and we watch them carefully when together. I appreciate it’s harder when you all live together, but I think jt could be managed.

Sorry to clarify she’s never actually bitten a child- but she has bitten her carer.
shes especially nervous around small children/ can growl/ lunge - so we have to watch carefully. But she’s a small dog and the risk can be managed.