to think it's fine to not want to date someone because of their job?

[Terracata]

According to my friend I am unreasonable. Met a guy on online dating, he said he worked for the council. Didn't go into detail re what until the date. He then told me that he is one of those people that puts parking tickets on cars. Cue me very quickly deciding I don't want to date him.

Personally I think at first date stage you can afford to be picky and can choose not to date someone for whatever reason you want. I don't want to date someone who waits around for someone to go 11 mins over their parking time to shove a ticket on their car.

Friend thinks I'm being daft and 'it's just a job'.

AIBU?

Interested to know how, if they got off, anyone (including their lawyer) would know that they were in reality guilty and thus a perv or a paed as you suggest.

Show me where I've said I think people accused of a crime shouldn't have a lawyer?

<tilts head>
How long have you been single for OP?

Indeed you are

Where have I questioned someone's entitlement to a defence?

You don't have to date anyone for any reason you choose whether that is the job they do or the shape of their head. I personally think your reason on this occasion is ridiculous but people might think the same for my reasons like I won't date a picky eater or a man with long fingernails 🤢 and many other stupid reasons. I once dumped a guy who kept sending me selfies with his tongue sticking out.

I see your thinking, OP, and I would probably be similar were I in the dating scene.

I agree that there are necessary jobs - such as traffic wardens - but I think the issue for me is when people are enforcing rigid rules, regardless.

We all know people who constantly and flagrantly park selfishly, wherever they like, with no thought at all to the rules or other people - and people like that really do need the full force of traffic wardens on their backs.

However, there are so many nuances and genuine reasons why ordinary folk might fall foul of them and end up with a hefty fine. What if you have a GP appointment and they keep you waiting ages; or you need to fetch your prescription, but there's an issue or complication that leads to a huge delay in you getting your medication?

What if you finish your errands to go back to your car in plenty of time, then your toddler throws a tantrum, your baby has a poonami and vomits everywhere? Maybe people will just say that you should always pay for an extra hour or two, just in case; but parking often isn't cheap. Moreover, a lot of council car parks have rules (in my opinion, immoral and deeply shifty), where you can't pass your fully paid-for ticket on to another driver, however long you have left on it. Get held up and stay 15 minutes after you've paid for and you'll get a large fine; but pay for an extra 45 minutes that you don't end up needing, so the council can sell the same space again and get double the money in - that's all supposedly above board and normal.

Others may strongly disagree, but I get the distinct impression that most councils do not have uppermost in their intentions the smooth running and fair use of parking facilities; but rather they are hot on getting the fine revenue in. The 'ideal' of ordinary people - everybody parking fairly and considerately, with no fines needed to be levied at all - would be a horrific nightmare for the councils!

This is a job for the authorities and we need some of them. Not sure what to say. I love intellectuals and softies, so good that your man won't end up the man of someone like me

Everyone is entitled to a defence. I've not questioned that.

Knowing your client is a child abuser, and you're getting paid to defend that - far more disgusting than a traffic warden, happy doing a job outside, and people think he's the undateable one.

I think it’s ok to not want to date someone because of any random thing, tiny or huge, that bothers you, or if you just don’t fancy them after all. Be as picky as you like!
In defence of parking ticket people, I am sick to death of idiots parking dangerously outside schools, blocking pavements and forcing pedestrians into the road. I wish there were parking ticket people everywhere all of the time!

When dh lost his job, I was glad I'd married someone who would 'take whatever is going', as if meant we were down to one wage for a only a couple of weeks. But then, having wasted 2 years of my life with lazy, workshy bastard, anyone with a good work ethic would have hit my box.

You can absolutely turn anyone down for any reason. You are being unfair to parking attendants though, it’s a job isn’t it, wouldn’t think less of anyone for doing a days work.

Suppose you met some gorgeous sexy interesting unattached man who shared all your interests and with whom you felt an instant connection, who turned out to be a traffic warden?

That specific job wouldn’t bother me overly. Plenty of jobs I wouldn’t date though. Police, bankers, Tory politician, just to name a few.

YANBU OP, why spend time with someone when you differ over something so fundamental?

Though I can’t imagine there’d be much in the way of riveting conversation about the day’s work with a traffic warden, so there’d have to be plenty of shared views and interests!

I left my son's dad 5 years ago after years of abuse, I have stayed single and haven't dated since then. Needed to do some serious healing. I recently started dating for the first time since my son's dad. First guy was lovely but no spark. Second guy lied on his profile about his age. Third guy is parking warden guy.

What is a "by"?

(English is not my first language).

This would not be my line. But we are all allowed lines in the sand.

A by and for charity is a charity that's run by people from the same community as the community it serves.

@OrdinaryMatilda I'm really confused.

You know how the system works. You know defence lawyers are an essential part of that system. You know someone needs to do that job. But you think anyone who does it is scum.

You understand how your logic isn't even internally coherent.

Parking warden would be OK for me. I would turn down a date with a PT, an artist, musician, dj, night club worker, influencer, youtuber etc.. Haha who am I kidding, they wouldn't like to date my middle aged arse either..

Absolutely fine to have and stick to whatever criteria you want.

If you have relatively narrow criteria and also lament that you're not meeting anyone/are still single, I can perhaps see your friend's point that they - the criteria, not you - are unreasonable or at least unrealistic.

Well I would far rather date someone who needed a job and had the work ethic to take whatever they could than someone who felt that those jobs were beneath them - but expected to be 'kept', by parents or the state.

If you know, then they've told you, and then you can't represent them beyond putting the prosecution to proof, is how I understand it. So I don't think they would know that the person is guilty. I think I'd struggle for other reasons- I wouldn't want my partner dealing with people like that and hearing/seeing stuff that could be traumatic and impact our lives. Wouldn't want to date a lawyer who worked insane hours too and was away