AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

‘So…’ So… what? What is your point here? As posters including myself have stated repeatedly, it’s not about successful prosecution, it’s about successful disclosure. I’m not sure why you keep missing this point - could it be that you’re not posting in good faith?

That’s my god daughters name so it’s definitely a no! 😳

Every kid needs to know the anatomically correct term for their private parts.

Any colloquial terms you do choose should be widely recgonised. I might be corrected but fanny, willy and balls are universally understood (aside from US / British distinctions).

Vagina is widely used a colloquial term for vulva. I don't like it, but it's generally understood.

Once you've objected to fanny, vulva and vagina, you are looking at words that are not universally shared.

As for abuse, there are three reasons the AAP give for knowing the correct terms:

1. Abusers make up names for private parts which the child then uses. It makes it less likely that abuse will be revealed. A child who openly uses anatomically correct terms is less appealing as a potential victim. It communicates confidence, knowledge and lack of shame – reducing their desirability and likelihood of being targeted.
2. When children know the proper terms, they can articulate questions or issues without confusion or feeling embarrassed or ashamed. This paves the way for more open, judgment-free dialogue. For example, a child who knows the terms “vulva” and “penis” could tell their parents when and where they’re experiencing pain, irritation, or discomfort.
3. This matter-of-fact approach prevents body parts from seeming strange, embarrassing, bad or dirty. It also reduces bodily shame and promotes a healthy body image.

I say vulva. Other family members say vulva. It is a vulva. We say penis too. It's just accurate not enlightened

My son was taught the words penis, vulva and anus in year one pshe. So you can use different words but will be behind the times. It's the done thing to remove shame from those body parts now and give children the proper language.

My son actually got confused because I had already taught him the word vagina and then school taught him vulva so it led to a discussion about the ins and outs of female anatomy (literally.)

Thanks for the article. Unfortunately all it says is how many children know the correct names, there’s nothing about prosecution.

I did google it, there’s nothing there. Also nothing on the articles she shared.

1. i keep talking about prosecution as that is what others have mentioned (true crime etc)
2. if it’s about disclosure the show me the examples where disclosure failed. If you can’t then how do you know it’s happening?

Not everyone has said there are prosecutions OP

I have stated in earlier posts the information I have seen are from adults explaining they were not believed and they contribute this to them not knowing the right words.

You however clearly are not interested in this you just want to justify your own views so you can do as you wish. You have had professional people on this tread explaining why to you. That's not enough for you. So go ahead do as you desire and feel justified.

It won't change my.view that teaching the right words is the way forward.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0145213495000173
There you go op research/a study. It was on the 1st page in Google when I typed in. "Why is it important to use correct words for genetalia"

https://www.enoughabuse.org/images/stories/Resources/Proper_Names_for_Private_Parts.pd
Further explains

https://www.sexeducationaustralia.com.au/private-parts-two-clear-reasons-why-we-should-teach-correct-terminology/ is the article I clicked on when. I googled.

Use proper word's, working with children it can make a huge difference to knowing whether something needs reporting.

If a child came in and said " my uncle touched my cookie at the weekend, it made me sad" we can not question the meaning on that, we can't ask direct questions.

If a child comes in and says " my uncle touched my vagina at the weekend" it's just black and white.

I know it's a horrible thought, but honestly from a professional point of view just tell them the correct name's

This.

It's been explained by professionals. If someone already has their mind made up they tend to double down 🙄

1st link goes to an abstract which doesn’t mention the topic

2nd link goes to a page ‘not found’

3rd link is to a webpage, not a scientific article or a report.

Youre upset I won’t listen to the experts on this thread? How do you know who they are? I could say I’m an expert!

Not sure if non-professionals can access nspcc training but I think their new PSHE covers this? If you were serious in exploring this then perhaps you could contact the nspcc and see if you were eligible? they recently had a podcast about the new training on their website but IIRC it’s aimed towards secondary school provision/ school professionals so it might not be as relevant.

similiarly, you could contact your local csa charity and they might be able to provide training dates or a the opportunity to speak to a professional? Or possibly if your child is in school, they sometimes have external providers for the PSHE lessons and they might have training dates or resources ?

The second link had the ‘f’ of ‘pdf’ missed off. Add it back on and voila!

https://www.enoughabuse.org/images/stories/Resources/Proper_Names_for_Private_Parts.pdf

TBH if you can’t work that out, I don’t hold out much hope of you actually understanding and accepting the content but I suppose it’s worth a try.

Link 2 worked for me there is direct links in article if you click on the bold lettering.

Abstracts are the starting place for many people. You struggled to Google (claiming you were unable to find anything)

How do you know I am upset?
I will say I find your posts single minded however that doesn't make "me" upset..

I forgot to mention the article I linked also suggests further reading.

I think some people just don’t like to be proved wrong and OP is one of them. No matter what you provide there will always be an excuse or a denial or a further question. They just hate to be incorrect.

I think it’s just a individual family/generational thing, but with the advent of the internet and everyone being interconnected it has become common knowledge to teach your children the correct anatomical names. With my boys, they know the right words are ‘penis’ and ‘testicals’ but at home we say willy, purely because that’s what I’ve always said and it sounds less scientific, however if they need to be formal they would say the correct names. As for female, I don’t have any daughters and so it doesn’t really get brought up, so I taught them vulva as that is the correct word and then vagina for the ‘hole’. Including teaching them what periods are

“Prove” is the keyword.

I’m happy to be proved wrong, just no one has produced any proof yet

Any particular reason you won’t access the training or books I’ve recommended ? I would hope the NSPCC count as experts.
I’ve suggested a few times and you’ve declined to reply. I’ve also suggested contacting local CSA organisations for training - how did you get on with that?