AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

When I worked in a nursery I had a little girl trying to tell me that her vulva hurt. Because the language of a 3 year old isn’t clear at the best of times and she called it her mimi it took longer than it should have to realise what she meant. No harm was done, she’d slipped on a climbing frame and banged it, but had this been something more serious I can see how it could be dismissed.

why are you so opposed to 'vulva'? it's not that hard to say, and at least it's accurate.

Fanny, foof, minny, minmim, front bottom, privates, bits.

I've got boys and they knew from pretty early on what their penis and testicles were, but day to day if required we talked about their willy.

What’s the girl version of Willy though?

There isn't one. So vagina it is for clarity. And yes, it's a vulva but everyone understands vagina. Which is a very pretty word, actually. So the only objection appears to be accuracy.

And 'front bottom' is really awful. Bottoms are for ejecting waste, which I'm pretty sure is one of many reasons girls fail to understand the mechanics of their reproductive systems.

Never give a boy keys to the Volvo is a different take on the birds and bees talk.

It’s vulva’s and anus’s all the way here, DD and all her close female friends only say vulva (they are 4/5). Nursery used vulva too. I think anything else is just weird.

Actually most women I know accurately call it the vulva. If you’re squeamish about that word then just use it more - you’ll get over it. It’s completely dumb to call the entire area of genitalia by a the name of a specific internal cavity. We don’t hesitate to name male body parts accurately. I wonder why we minimise and get censorious about our own? Internalised misogyny that’s why.

@FoxtrotOscarKindaDay 🤣

People do say vulva. Like my young DD. Also vagina, depending on what she’s talking about.

Call it her fanny or minny, or her lady garden, or her tuppence, or her cunt, and then you’ll see just how civilised and grown up the correct terms sound instead. Why is it so distasteful to use the correct words? It’s a vulva. The only reason this sounds strange to your ears is because your own mother did not teach you the correct terms - your child is asking what it is called, why not tell her correctly?

Then again, I wouldn’t call my husband ‘hubby’ either.

You’re wrong. ‘For clarity’. Rubbish 🙄

You have a daughter, put your big girl pants on and get yourself comfortable using the correct names for her anatomy. It will be uncomfortable for you at first, and then it will feel like second nature.

This.

@SouthLondonMum22

this always make me laugh.

what do you call the joints in your arms & legs?

I've always used the proper words, can't stand silly nicknames for them and haven't even heard of some of the ones suggested here.

I agree with you, it is a horrible word isn't it

It feels weird and awkward because you’re not used to it.

Get used to saying the proper words and it won’t feel so weird and awkward and your kids can grow up with a better relationship with their bodies than you have

All it takes is a few times of feeling a bit weird and it will start to feel normal

This.

We used 'front bottom'. It's very clear what's meant by that term for safeguarding reasons but not as anatomically incorrect blunt as saying 'vagina'.

Tell her the correct names and then - if it bothers you that much - give them nicknames so she knows both.

Vulva or privates, nothing else is needed.

I don't think you have fully grasped the safeguarding arguments, OP. It's not about the CPS only prosecuting where a complainant uses the right name, it's about giving your DD clear language that she can.express to any trusted adults, rather than just those who know her pet names for her genitalia. It can.also be part of a disclosure and investigation.process because a change in the language used by the child can.indicate if and also in.some cases with whom the child is discussing her genitalia.

Anyway we have the anatomicals plus fanjo with the understanding certain words are for formal use

I don't think there's anything wrong with using the correct names for body parts i.e. vulva/vagina. That's what they are!

No nicknames, only use common names. “Privates” suffices perfectly if vulva is too tricky.