AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

"Most offenders are known to the victim, with about 30% being relatives, 60% being acquaintances, and 10% being strangers."

Acquaintances are a huge group, someone at school, a friend of a friend, at a club or social group, school, colleagues. What's so difficult about the body that you are clutching pearls rather than use an accurate biological term.

Safeguarding experts suggest it for a reason not merely to upset your sensibilities 🙄

Always use the right name.

I looked after a young girl at nursery whose Daddy liked licking her cupcake

It was only when she complained her cupcake was sore, a month or two later that we realised and actioned it.

That’s a bit of a reach there don’t you think!! I doubt the number one reason for calling a body part by it’s actual name is because if the fear of CSA. I know it has been mentioned and it is a consideration but it certainly wasn’t my number 1 (or even that high up) in my reasoning. I use the correct names because they are the correct names. I also try to avoid stigmatising and shaming my children for their normal body parts by using euphemistic language. What is the reason you give your child as to why “we call the front parts xxx” and not their “proper names”? Are you not concerned that you’re teaching them to be embarrassed of their bodies?

Also WTF you talking about saying “prim way to say…”. This isn’t anything to do with being prim. It’s about using the correct word for a thing. Hand and tummy are fine. Honestly, what point are you trying to make here???!

Imagine reading that post and responding with “nonsense”. I read it and thought fuck that’s horrific. What kind of person are you? Do you think this doesn’t happen?

The arguments about 'tummy' etc don't hold up, it's not the same thing at all. Nobody is saying tummy because they're too repressed to say stomach. Most of the posters on here arguing for vacuous made up words for genitalia are doing so because they can't say or hear the real words without cringing. Tummy is also universally understood, doodah isn't.

I think you just need to get over it and use the correct terms. She will be taught them in Year 2 anyway.

I don't have a daughter but I'd use the word vagina. I don't say the word vulva myself or know any women that do so I don't think I'd teach that word. I can't imagine that 'vagina' would inhibit any safeguarding disclosures and think if there's the dual purpose of any would-be predators hearing that a small child is educated on what their genitals are actually called and for, it's also a proper noun for them that may help put them off (dk if there's any merit to this argument for using a proper name for them, just what I've heard).

I have heard the horror story about a little girl disclosing sexual abuse using the word 'cookie' and it not being picked up on, so vagina or privates is as vague as I'd be willing to go.

When my DD was younger I just called it her “wee place”.

I’ve met a great many gynaecologists, firstly because I had a traumatic birth and needed revision surgery afterwards, and later through my work, and I can assure you that if you use the correct words, they do too. They only use bits or privates etc because they are aware so many woman will curl up in shame if they hear vulva or vagina or labia or perineum etc as shown by this thread.

We use "vulva" and "penis." Uncomfortable at first, but now it's matter of fact, both children know the correct term and if, God forbid, something awful happened they would be able to clearly disclose this.

I’ve read this whole thread and the number of twee euphemisms posters have used as though they’re universally understood terms in astounding. It just shows that the comparison with the use of tummy vs stomach or fingers vs phalanges is irrelevant - there’s unlikely to be anyone in the English speaking world who doesn’t understand what fingers are. But as there is no commonly accepted every-day word for female genitalia, it’s best practice for clarity and for safeguarding purposes to use the correct biological terms. Those of you arguing that there couldn’t possibly be any confusion if a young girl mentions someone touching her cookie or fairy are being either disingenuous or are under-thinking.

Here’s the list so far:

Tinkle
Twinkle
Foof
Foofoo
Minnie
Mary
Fairy
Floof
China
Tuppence
Hapenny
Peach
Pie
Flower
Luby
Libya
Noonoo
Bunny
Nunny
Noonie
Front botty
Front bottom
Bits
Clamshell
Minmin
Cookie
Moomoo
Winky
Ginny
Wilma
Gee
Privates
Privvy parts
Wee place

(apologies @PussInBin20 - I didn’t mean to single you out, I quoted you by accident and now can’t remove it.)

When you say ‘nonsense’, what exactly do you mean? Are you accusing this poster of lying? Or what? Several other posters have related similar experiences from their working life - are they talking nonsense too? Do you simply disbelief anything outside your personal experience? What a narrow way to live.

Elbows and knees?

Trying to think what words we use in school.
"Now wipe your bottom" for bum
"Now wipe yourself" for vulva.

I've never in my life heard anyone in real life say vulva. Not in school or anywhere, maybe that's just my experience

With my girls it's always been 'bits'.

Why is the slang for those acceptable but not for femal genitals?

Even the NHS use 'poo' as standard now.

I can assure that they don't. Some that you have encountered might but not all, as that's not my experience.

Are you taking the piss? Do you think elbows and knees are slang words? Slang for what??

They're not really that important though, if someone goes to the doctor with some kind of issue and refer to their 'vagina' then the doctor should be quickly able to ascertain what they mean with some questions and they'll most likely be examined anyway.

It's no different from going to the doctor saying you have a sore stomach, it probably isn't even your stomach, the doctor will ask questions and have a feel etc and can say from there what part of the body seems to be.

It's not controversial at all to use the correct terms, it's just completely disingenuous the way people who try to push the use of the 'vulva' term make out that it causes major issues with cancers etc going undiagnosed all because someone says vagina.

No one acts like someone is confusing the doctor if they go and say they have a sore stomach!

You are going to have to go back and review the earlier posts on this. I won't do that work for you

Ha! Ok, you don’t know what your point is either!! 😆

No worries, although I thought my wording was quite straight forward compared to those who actually give it a name 😂

You forgot “Minnie”

Nah, it's there