AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

Totally. 😎 Me and mine are on all names terms. 🌸💪💥😻

...And I also use vulva and vagina if I wish of course, just in case you are missing the point, none deliberately. 😁

Respect and affection was what I actually said, and using all the names you have as part of that ... but you focus on whatever words you want to single out if dropping some context helps you stick to your point. 👍

But then what should I call peaches? The greengrocer will escort me from the premises.

@nationalsausagefund yes! and you might have to reconsider your username too. 🤣🤣

There is a statistic (that I currently can't find) showing that children who know and use correct anatomical language are far less likely to be groomed. It's quite a high %, but typically, I can't find it now.

https://nurturedfirst.com/teach-children-correct-body-part-names/

Teaching children the anatomically correct names for their body parts is a powerful way to help keep them safe from sexual abuse. Research shows that children who know the proper terms for their genitals and anus are less vulnerable to abuse for two key reasons:

• Increases child’s confidence and knowledge: When children can name their private parts, it removes the shame and secrecy around those body areas. Abusers often rely on a child’s innocence, lack of knowledge and discomfort about their private parts to take advantage of them. Or, they specifically target children who appear innocent, shy and unlikely to report abuse. A child who openly uses anatomically correct terms is less appealing as a potential victim, according to the American Association of Pediatrics. The openness communicates confidence, knowledge and lack of shame – reducing their desirability and likelihood of being targeted.
• Gives language to report inappropriate behaviour: Knowing the correct words for body parts means children have the vocabulary to articulate if someone does something inappropriate, such as receiving unwanted touch. If a child knows to call their genitals a “penis” or “vulva,” they can communicate clearly if someone tries to touch them there. This allows them to tell a parent or trusted adult if abuse occurs.

By giving children the language and openness to discuss their private body parts, parents can significantly decrease risks and help prevent sexual abuse. Removing discomfort and secrecy is a primary way to protect kids. Correct anatomy terms are an important piece of that protection!

You're obviously not here in good faith but for those who are, it is certainly not an urban legend that teaching children accurate terms protects them from child abuse.

To get you started:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/265091234_Prosecutors'_Perspectives_on_Clarifying_Terms_for_Genitalia_in_Child_Sexual_Abuse_Interviews

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9546810/

Always used correct medical terms with my son. But yeah, I feel totally comfortable saying “penis” and testicles. But hate saying vagina or vulva

I love my job and worked unbelievably hard to get to where I am in my career but I swear it would be absolutely lovely to live in the sort of blissful ignorance that lets you think people make this stuff up.

I also recommend once again - to all parents -

cath hakanson’s ‘the parents guide to private body parts’

Agree. Know your body. Know how to name it. Understand consent and that touches can be good or bad. Empower your kids to say what goes for their body.

finally! It only took 22 pages for someone to actually supply a link!

one of the links is to an article about knowledge of sexual abuse being a barrier (not terminology for genitals). The other is a bit better but claims “Prosecutors (in Australia at least 1 ) have recently clarified that anatomical terms are not necessary for successful prosecution.” so…

OP, everybody knows what "pee and poo" means. Not everybody knows what a "peach" or a "pie" could be referring to.

Here’s some research….hope it helps OP as you seem to be struggling….
digitalcommons.fiu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1121&context=sferc

finally! It only took 22 pages for someone to actually supply a link!

You could've googled it yourself, you know. Being the one interested enough to post in the first place.

To them I say “correct terms is subjective”. Half of you think vagina is correct, half of you think Vulva is correct so it can’t be that clear

FFS they’re different things!

That’s like saying “half of you think penis is correct and half of you think testicles is correct”

I give up!

I'm going to reiterate what I said way up the thread - I think saying calling it this or that is wrong and this or that is right doesn't acknowledge the nuanced conversations we should have with our kids about safeguarding. For full disclosure, we say mini in our house (or private parts)- that's what my parents said when I was a kid and seems to me amongst my circle of mum friends what they say too - maybe it's regional? however as an adult it's not affected my ability to say vagina or vulva or labia for myself now or if I need to in a medical context. But from the age of 2 I had good conversations with my child about our private parts and what is and isn't acceptable regarding other people - mainly following the info available from the nspcc (panto saurus) - which she was able to grasp. I know this might not be a suitable age for all children due to vocab or SEN. This is really where I think the biggest protective factor comes in - in my opinion.

Why do you say “mini” out of interest? It just seems odd that female body parts need such a cutesy name to make them palatable.

As i said in my post, it's what my mum and dad said so I guess it was just part of my language, also like I said it seems to be the norm amongst my friendship circle of mums (most of whom I've known since school or childhood) so I assume it was a regional thing.

But you do have the ability to change that if you wanted to? Is there any reason why you can’t use the terms vulva and vagina? I just think passing down the idea ( from generation to generation) that those words are somehow vulgar or that we are so ashamed our our genitalia that we can’t name them correctly, is not a good thing. Aside from the safeguarding issue…..

I wouldn't say vulvar is vulgar - it ilicits no repulsion in me. But I would say that what I say is more informal and I guess that's just the way I speak.

As I said, you're not here in good faith. It's possible you are genuinely unable to understand those papers, but it's clear you didn't try.

Fair enough!

I’ve sent you a title of a book in two previous posts but here it is again:

cath hakanson - the parents guide to private body parts

i appreciate it is a book you’d need to purchase but honestly it’s brilliant so worth buying anyway.

I mean you could have just googled it yourself…..

No need for all the drama

How about “private parts” or “genitalia”

Minnie or ninnie seems to be the case with all the kids I know.