AIBU to not want to call my daughter’s genitals her vagina?

[BabyEl]

I know, I know, I know….we live in a enlightened age. I know it’s all the rage but vagina just doesn’t sit well with me.

my daughter has started to ask ‘what’s this’ pointing at her ‘bits’ and we need an answer soon!

i know all the arguments, I know “that’s what it’s called!” And “you call an arm an arm” etc but 1) that’s not what it’s called (technically that’s just the inner passage) and 2) when do people really use the word vagina?

do you say “my vagina is a bit sore today” or “oh yeah hubby, my vagina feels so good”

also vulva? No one says that anywhere.

do let’s put those arguments to bed.

secondly, “if you don’t use the real names and god forbid a crime occurs, the case could collapse due to incorrect name use”

I’ve seen this one a lot but I’m sceptical. Is our CPS so dull and dim witted that they will reject a child testimony because she failed to use medical grade terminology? I mean, maybe…? Is there any evidence of this happening?

anyway, I’d don’t like it. I don’t like front bottom, fanny or fufu either. I’m looking for something but not those and not the V word…

am I being unreasonable?

You can’t make a child say the words you want in that situation. They call it what they call it. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter, but there are clarifying questions that can be asked. As far as my own child was concerned we always named his parts correctly.

I think you are deliberately missing my point, I’m not suggesting you don’t make them feel comfortable using their preferred words. I am suggesting a middle road, that’s all and that the inclusion of the correct terms going forward might be helpful in dispelling stigma.it would be fairly simple and quick to say I’m going to examine your ‘bits’, this will involve me looking at your vulva which is this area of your frou-frou (or whatever). As I said I was specifically talking about doctors and hospitals so respectfully will step away from this cyclic conversation as it’s not really moving forward.

Absolutely 💪

If the NHS literature is ambiguous that’s because it’s having to pander to people who’ve not been educated properly about women’s bodies. And I wonder why? Because women’s bodies are not considered important so lump it all together - that’ll do. None of us should be an accessory to that - female genitalia is more than just one word and should be described properly.

Someone touched my pie will not work for safeguarding.

Most people : Yes, YABU.
OP: No I'm not, show me the evidence, show the the case files, where are the documentaries.

One Hundred Percent.

Bollocks. Firstly, safeguarding was not done well and many people have been permanently damaged, when they may well have been saved if there was more openness and less Shane around talking about vulvas.

Secondly, there are still actual grown women who don't know what a vulva is, which is shocking in itself, but also massively contributes to health inequality.

It was not fine. It is not fine.

It's not that no erotic results would be returned searching for 'girl naked front bottom' as opposed to 'girl naked vulva' or 'girl naked vagina', but significantly fewer.
Run your test again - this time as an image search - and see what the images are that are returned on your screen for each search.
I won't invite you to post a screenshot for obvious reasons.

I just did this and was confronted with a
‘mind blowing pussy’ photo!!

And now Google things I’m an 11 year old boy (jokes I did it on private mode)

Hot dog and pie?! Like American pie 🤣🤣🤣

Fooff

@Razorrain And it's even worse with anatomical terms 😲

This is what kids are potentially exposed to in the playground everyday in primary schools where smartphones are permitted. Really not ok

How is it worse? Smartphones are not really the focus of this discussion, but in any case, how will the euphemistic and incorrect naming of genitals protect children from viewing pornography? I don’t understand what you’re saying.

When DS says “my ding-dong” he means the local church bells or the doorbell (my because everything belongs to him), why on earth would I leap to thinking he means his penis?

Nunny could mean mummy with a young kid’s difficulty with letters; foofoo could be literally anything.

A vulva is really only a vulva.

I keep my phone on vibrate and my toddler calls it foo foo after the noise she thinks it makes when it rings.

Yes it will because the next question is what do you use your pie for. Even if a child said the word vagina or vulva you would still have to confirm what they used that body part for, ie, was the correct terminology being used. I’ve had victims before refer to their vagina and then explain it was the part they pooed from. So using the correct terminology doesn’t necessarily mean the child understands what body part they are really describing.

I really don't think that would be the next question. I would ask where is your pie? But I think there is plenty of potential for pie/cookie type references to slip by. I would rather zero chance.

I take it you've not read the children's book "Little Rabbit FooFoo"?

No, the rabbit does not ride his motorbike up vaginas!

Tend to agree. I’m not saying @Elenorwish that you can’t or don’t perform your duties well, but this is a very challenging conversation for a child to begin to understand especially when the word they have been taught is an existing word that has a completely different meaning. What is a pie, what do you mean by pie, what do you do with your/a pie? This must be utterly bewildering for a child. What do you mean by vulva/vagina is more of a clarification, at least you know you are talking about a body/genitals. I think this adds further weight to giving your child this knowledge.

Yes it will because the next question is what do you use your pie for

if a small child randomly told me ‘xx touched my pie’ my response would be humouring them, something like, ‘what! I bet you wanted to eat that didn’t you?’

I wouldn’t for one millisecond think I was listening to someone trying to tell me about sexual abuse. THIS is the issue.

Said child would be very confused and probably think I was saying it’s ok.

Also ‘’what do you do with your pie’ is unanswerable really as children don’t do much with their vulva/ vagina so they’d probably be even more confused

My kids have grown up knowing me and DD have vulvas and ds and dh have penises. My DD will say her vulva is itchy or sore. No issue.

But that’s good fortune? You have literally no way of predicting if your child is going to be abused or even get sick. My little one had a UTI and was able to tell me. There’s been a few posts lately about children with worms and not able to tell their parents where it was itchy so it’s not even like you have to go worst case scenario.

There seems to be an awful lot of posters here concerned that their brother or brother in law or husband or father or father in law or friend is a risk - since we know the majority of sex offences against minors are by persons known or related to them- so much so that they have to instruct their tiny daughters to use anatomical terms for their genitalia, especially wrong ones, at ages when they have no idea they even have an ‘inside part’.

As many other posters agree, it is surely fine to teach little ones that ‘the parts at the front and back which are covered by your pants are your private parts; at home we call the front parts xxx and the back part xxx but there are proper names for them too, if you prefer’. Then they might discuss with friends and decide, rather having terms foisted upon them.

And I’ll bet none of the posters say ‘sit on your buttocks’, or ‘Do you need to defecate?’ And whats the prim way to say ‘Hold my hand please’ or ‘Does your tummy hurt?’