Take the plunge now or wait until secondary? Tearing my hair out and at loggerheads with DP

[Munneyworries]

Me and DP started saving for DD’s school fees when she was born. She’s due to go to school next September and we should have 100k saved by then. The school we are looking at is 18k a year for prep (including VAT), rising to 24k (including vat) at secondary level (obviously may be more by the time she starts secondary).

DP is adamant that she should start next year and our plan that we use 10k drawn down from savings per year and the rest from income. His argument is that the surplus needed from income equates to the same as the nursery fees per month that we have been paying and things have been fine.

I get where he is coming from but I just don’t feel we have enough buffer yet. I don’t want to put her in and then take her out etc. The local primary school is not good in terms of reputation for teaching etc but it is a nice place and friendly and I don’t think it will cause her harm to go there.

We have been arguing about this constantly since viewing the prep school this last week and DP wanting to basically sign up to it immediately. I feel so stressed and don’t want to make a mistake for dd who realistically won’t know the difference between the two schools regardless of which one she starts at.

Almost 100k is not enough? Ye gods 😂

You have only got enough for four years of school as it stands
i I wouldn’t be sending a child to prep school to be honest
why is he so adamant?

@FuckThePoPo sorry that is not income it is just what we have saved towards it.

For a reception age child who will be learning through play it is bonkers to be paying those fees.

and what savings accounts enable you to draw down £10k per year - you’d lose the capital and accruing interest surely?

@rubyslippers yes exactly. I don’t know why he is so adamant. He thinks we should go ahead with the plan but obviously now we are at this point I am starting to wonder what benefit there actually is. Even saving one or two years fees makes sense to me. He doesn’t want her to have to change schools. I feel sick with the stress and we have barely spoken this last week.

@rubyslippers what do you mean?

Why don't you aim to join at prep rather than pre-prep stage? State till 8 is quite common. And you actually don't know what your local school is like, you just have rumour and assumptions.

My other point - £18k is a lot for pre-prep. Why this school? A through-to-secondary school isn't necessarily a good thing. Have you looked at any other schools?

you have to discuss this
It’s A ridiculous amount of money for prep school which as a PP says is learning through play

@cansu yeah the state primary has such a lovely little garden and is in a nice setting I just can’t see how that’s going to impact her at all in any negative way. It’s like he’s fixated on the original plan and won’t budge. It’s my money too that’s been saved for fees though not just his

definitely don’t bother with prep school…save all that money for senior school instead. Primary school is a lot about social skills and input from home as much as school in terms of reading with them etc. I don’t think prep would give them an academic advantage as long a you are willing to put the work in at home to support their learning. What is the reason you want to send them private?

@titchy yes we have looked at quite a few. The others were not great and we didn’t think were worth the money at all. They were also only slightly cheaper.

I'd certainly think about delaying until secondary. If you can continue to save at a similar rate then you'll have a much larger pot for secondary and that is where you will get real bang for your buck in terms of GCSE and Alevels. You'd also have what you are spending on nursery available for general spending, you could do extra curriculars, tutors for music or languages or take some great holidays, all of which will contribute to a well rounded and accomplished little one.

it is a veey bad idea to sign ip for a school so quickly after seeing jt.

tell your DH that he needs time to reflect on this becauae it is a big decision.

you should also visit at least three scbools.

@Bs0u416d this is what I have said. He doesn’t seem to get that we should also be able to have a holiday and also not feel stressed all the time. I don’t think I can physically do it… hand over money like that for something totally not worth it. I don’t even remember school age 4!!!

Is the prep school single sex? I knew a lot of girls who were single sex ed in prep and it did them absolutely no favours.

Have you done a compound interest calculation for what the pot would be after primary? If you havn't, what approx return are you getting in interest and roughly how much would you be putting in monthly and for how long? (you dont need to be ultra specific, I know it's very personal information but if you could make a fact based case to him, it might help)

I'm with you OP, that isn't nearly enough. I started with a savings pot of £250k for school fees 10 years ago in Reception year, and I'm worrying now that I won't have enough left to get through to 6th form with the massive increases over the years (particularly since Covid) and now the VAT on top. For example, when DC started reception 10 yrs ago, the fees for the secondary school were c. £5k per term. It's now going to be £10k per term once the VAT is added.
If I had my time again, I would have put them into state until 11, and spent some extra money on tutoring for the 11+.

Prep school is a waste of money and your DD will be just as fulfilled at the local primary. Save the money for senior education. I speak through considerable experience. Your DH is wrong and being extremely daft.

I think you are wise to wait a few years. No harm will come to your DD if she does KS1 in state (YR,Y1&Y2) - do plenty of reading and counting games outside of school and keep saving, put her into private from y3.

We did state till end of y6 and had saved only £60k to help with only 7 years and it's been tight. I would want £150k saved in your circumstances for a yR start but you can easily get to £130k ish for a y3 start.

Not sure how Mumsnet can help, you guys will have to argue it out or toss a coin if you can't agree.
It seems a huge commitment to me, you may be better off saving the money for a deposit for dc's first home or university fees? But either way you two parents need to try and agree a course of action together.

Thanks for validating my views!!! I am so frustrated that he’s simply not listening to me and wants to piss our money away like this. I will stand my ground and hope he reflects on how crazy this is.

Does he think if she starts at secondary level she will be behind her peers educationally? Also it is hard if most of your friends go off to the same secondary school and you go to a different one.

It’s not even close to enough.
That would see op through to Year 3.

@sweeneytoddsrazor yes he wants to be at the same school with no change. That’s surely not a reason to piss money away we don’t have though.