Take the plunge now or wait until secondary? Tearing my hair out and at loggerheads with DP

[Munneyworries]

Me and DP started saving for DD’s school fees when she was born. She’s due to go to school next September and we should have 100k saved by then. The school we are looking at is 18k a year for prep (including VAT), rising to 24k (including vat) at secondary level (obviously may be more by the time she starts secondary).

DP is adamant that she should start next year and our plan that we use 10k drawn down from savings per year and the rest from income. His argument is that the surplus needed from income equates to the same as the nursery fees per month that we have been paying and things have been fine.

I get where he is coming from but I just don’t feel we have enough buffer yet. I don’t want to put her in and then take her out etc. The local primary school is not good in terms of reputation for teaching etc but it is a nice place and friendly and I don’t think it will cause her harm to go there.

We have been arguing about this constantly since viewing the prep school this last week and DP wanting to basically sign up to it immediately. I feel so stressed and don’t want to make a mistake for dd who realistically won’t know the difference between the two schools regardless of which one she starts at.

What percentage increase have you assumed? Have you factored in an extra £5k or so for uniform and trips etc? Have you factored in uni costs?

Would starting at 5 take her straight through at the same school without having to do 7+, 11+ or 13+? I'd say that was worth it if so, the stress those exams put on kids (& parents) is ridiculous. But that's me, plenty of people's kids sail through the entrance exams without stress apparently.

I think the problem here is more one for values - he values private education more than you do. It's not really about the money, you're just picking that as the reason to justify a different mindset. Neither of you is right or wrong, but you do have to agree on the family priorities.

I agree also that 8 is too small. My DC’s pre prep and and prep classes were around 20 which I think is a great size because they have plenty of kids to make friends with but still get lots of attention from the teacher and TA. I’ve always paid monthly for my DC’s fees. Being doing that for 11 years without any issues and I don’t regret spending the money at all. DC1 is now in a top state grammar and DC2 is in a private secondary.

Aside from the money, will your DC get in later? The private schools were all very competitive where we lived at the time. Getting him into a top ranking private secondary was a hellish experience, kids were tutored like crazy and that was from a prep school! And getting him into the prep school at 7 wasn't easy either (he did KS1 at state). I'd save myself the stress and go now, and only do private if you are sure it's a top ranking one, top 30 or so. Beyond that it's just not worth it. So it's more than a money question and you seem to be assuming entry is a given if you want it and when you want it.

By social Mix I mean people who are not rich and people who don't value education the same way

@thepariscrimefiles Ha Ha oops! That OP said the quiet bit out loud.

Also, as a PP has mentioned, nursery covers 8-6. Will the school provide wrap around care as part of the fees (very unlikely) or are you going to be paying thousands on top for before and after care?

No financially that’s not enough I would wait. The stress of sending her now would not be worth it. Wait until secondary. My child attended a village primary so smaller classes. A few peers went to private school once they finished year 6. One went aged 7/8. Give yourself more time.

8 per year is far too small and I’d discount the private for that alone. Best case scenario is very limited friendships but worst case is that the school won’t survive long term. You also can’t possibly know what will suit your toddler best at 7, or 11, or 13. All through schools aren’t necessarily all they’re cracked up to be, especially when they’re that tiny and can’t offer the range of things that a bigger school can. Like what if DD ends up being really sporty but her year group is too small to pull together a team for anything? Honestly I think if that’s the private school on the table then you’d be wasting your money. Instead I’d do state until year 3 (7+ entry) and reassess your options then and perhaps cast the net a bit wider in terms of options.

I’d keep that 100k in an ISA, keep adding to it and send her to private school at secondary level. By the time she’s 11, you’ll have generated interest and more savings and you probably have enough to cover the majority of her secondary fees.

Paying 18k for reception is bonkers.

I’m a huge advocate of PS, my children go.
it’s pre prep, then prep (y4-8) then senior.

they started at prep, so year4 (ks2) and that’s worked out really well for us x

Totally agree.

This.

my DC started at their fee paying school aged 3 (nursery). If I could do it again I’d have moved them to fee paying in Y6. No question.

Change is good. If your daughter goes to the same school for her entire education, University will be an even bigger shock. I would go state education until the end of year 6 then private. Have you factored in that it's not just the fees it's the trips, the uniform, lunches, music lessons, skiing trips etc etc. The school will charge you for every single thing they can.

Mine both started at 3 and I do not regret that whatsoever because excellent wrap around care (8-6) was included in the fees and it meant that I could continue with my career. The problem with starting later is that you DC may not get into the school. My DC2 wouldn’t have got a place for prep (year 3) as he was struggling at that point. He massively caught up by year 6 and passed the senior entrance exam no problem. However, if you’re not bothered about wrap around care and extra curriculars, then leaving it until later will save you lots of money.

Mine started in Reception and it was brilliant. It was a through school so they went until they finished their A levels and it was all marvelous. But, and I have posted about this before, in hindsight it would have been sensible to wait until secondary or at least until key stage two. Financially it nearly ruined us. it was a long hard slog of finding the money. You have an amazing buffer, but it's not just the fees it's the extras too. The uniform, the extra curricular, the text books, the right fountain pen, the trips. The uniform in itself is uniform, then about three different types of sports kit and boots and the bloody bags to put them in. Mine also has incredibly long holidays so then it's the childcare. I would not change my decision for a second but I would definitely wait until end of KS1 if possible.

Work hard with her during pre-prep at home, then do for juniors from year 3 onwards. Before that any decent state school is fine, you do though have to keep up with work at home, look at the Bond books.

I agree with @Barney16 it’s not even those extras but if they’re going to do the sports to a decent level then the school sport even at private isn’t enough. Everyone will be part of an external club for two-three sports. Eg netball, hockey, cricket, gymnastics, dance, rugby, athletics. It pushes the internal standard up massively so in order to get selected you need to pay for external clubs too!

I'm similar to @MoreIcedLattePlease . The prep-educated kids are arrogant and entitled as well as being behind their state educated peers.

OP stop stressing about the mixed-age class. Both my DDs went to a small village primary school and the first class was R - y2. DD1 adored it and within a term of starting was working with the year group above. She did that all the way through primary til the end of y5 then spent y6 doing extension work. She is now completing a PhD at Cambridge, so it didn't do her any harm. Her sister has a Masters degree in a STEM subject, so has hardly failed. We never spent a penny on their schooling as we didn't earn enough. We did pay for swimming lessons, ballet and tap from the age of 3 til they went to uni and they both learned 2 instruments to grade 8. Save your money.

Mine aren’t in private ed, but I so many clients with kids in it.
Most started at age 8, one of my clients has just sent her youngest to a private ed secondary at age 11. The primary stuff makes little difference, I agree with everyone that says the real value in private is in secondary and beyond, GCSE’s and A Levels. I seriously cannot understand paying 18k for reception.

I would suspect your OH has got a mindset about private education and wants her there no matter what. It’s silly because it’s so play based in primary. I would save your money and get a tutor for the 11+ so you can comfortably afford the tuition through to A level plus trips and extracurriculars.

this ^

started paying fees they were £56 per term and 10 years later the fees were £560 per term,

That was the 1970s and early 1980s

£100k will get eaten in to quickly. Save private school for when she turns 11.

I’m not in a position to send my kid to prep school, however a couple of mums I know have sent their kids to prep and we had a cheeky look around our local one. I have to say, if I could afford it I would as it looked amazing and the foundation and confidence the kids had was brilliant in my opinion. They also had a 100% pass rate for 11+, so that opens up grammar schools in the local area which is as good as private.

presumably the school has another intake at 11? How big is that? Half the year? Less? More? If they have a big intake at 11, she won't be in the minority if she joins later.

It's quite common for children who go to the same school from 4-16 to want a change for sixth form - would he be OK with a move then?

No need to really pay for education, I just finished college and if your willing to put in the hard work you will get good grades. I went to a normal primary school and then a grammar school (free) for high school and sixth form. I know this isn't maybe full relevant but just genuine advice, not saying private schools aren't worth it but it's possible to excel without. The main thing I found is my high school has a lot less misbehaviour and bullying that other schools which does create a better environment to do well in.