Take the plunge now or wait until secondary? Tearing my hair out and at loggerheads with DP

[Munneyworries]

Me and DP started saving for DD’s school fees when she was born. She’s due to go to school next September and we should have 100k saved by then. The school we are looking at is 18k a year for prep (including VAT), rising to 24k (including vat) at secondary level (obviously may be more by the time she starts secondary).

DP is adamant that she should start next year and our plan that we use 10k drawn down from savings per year and the rest from income. His argument is that the surplus needed from income equates to the same as the nursery fees per month that we have been paying and things have been fine.

I get where he is coming from but I just don’t feel we have enough buffer yet. I don’t want to put her in and then take her out etc. The local primary school is not good in terms of reputation for teaching etc but it is a nice place and friendly and I don’t think it will cause her harm to go there.

We have been arguing about this constantly since viewing the prep school this last week and DP wanting to basically sign up to it immediately. I feel so stressed and don’t want to make a mistake for dd who realistically won’t know the difference between the two schools regardless of which one she starts at.

8 is too small imo as a teacher. Far too much potential for friendship issues. I was worried about my dd's class (13 at a lovely state primary) and definitely wouldn't want smaller.
As a teacher mixed classes don't bother me and I like teaching them. I'd worry about the sustainability of a school with such small numbers

That should be a massive argument against in my view. Eight pupils is far too few, both in terms of friends groups and in terms of the school being viable long term.

Alternatively, it may be that almost nobody joins at 4 - most children join at 8 or 11 - so she wouldn’t be losing out.

You say you’ll lose holidays etc because of this - I had a friend who’s parents scraped to send get to private school and because she didn’t have the “lifestyle” alongside (eg holidays etc) she was bullied and ended up back at our state school (where she did great). Just a warning that you may not want to scrape to send her the whole time and perhaps focus on just secondary

My sister made this mistake. She sent her DD to private primary and with the cost of everything going up then could not afford secondary. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any state primary so don't waste your money. It's the secondary that matters.

I would state school till secondary then switch, this is my plan my DD is thriving at the state primary although it’s a good one I also feel prep fees are not worth it imo. I think you definitely have the right mindset. Like PP have said you can have lovely holidays and be stress free for a bit longer!

100% agree with you OP. You can give your child so much more with additional free income during primary school - holidays, music, sport etc.

I paid for 5 years private school and while it was absolutely worth it I did feel every single week of those 5 years in terms of reduced financial freedom. Absolutely no way would you enjoy 13 years of it.

8 in a class is way too small at primary, great for A level, not aged 5.

i would go for a state school until the end of year two and make sure you keep dc a year ahead of the curriculum via CGP/bond books so she can pass any entrance test to get in at year 3.

£18k is not worth it for reception. We paid £12k (10 years ago) for reception and it was fine as just like paying for nursery. Now paying £25k pa for secondary but we can see what we get for our money more clearly. Really not worth it for pre prep.

No ESL children? Ah yes, back to the 1950s where everyone was white? Is that your dream school setting?

Most kids change school age 11, and many will be starting private at that age. I'd have thought it would be far worse to risk running out of money her not being able to complete school in a private setting and her having to change to a state secondary at a time when she is settled

Looking at it from a slightly different angle: We considered private for DS as he’s very bright and we thought it might maximise his potential.

I’m so so glad we didn’t. We hadn’t realised what effect the school would have on him. We knew he was probably autistic but it didn’t really feel like an ‘issue’ at nursery. School very much highlighted his PDA and struggles with a formal learning environment. He’s still very bright but actually getting him to engage with school is an enormous uphill battle. His lovely village primary are working closely with us to get him an EHCP and get him the support he needs at present. I think if he’d gone to the pre-prep we’d considered he would have been permanently excluded by now. Or we’d be expected to pay a considerable amount for extra learning support.

So basically, I think it’s worth knowing how she is in school before spending a small fortune on it.

Unless you are super rich cant see the point of this at all.

I would stick to state - it's what we have done and we will consider private for secondary when we get there. We live in a fairly affluent area and the two private prep schools near us have both closed down this year (pre-VAT rise) as they were making massive losses partly because of the declining birth rates.

Just to say, I know several primary school teachers who thoroughly resent parents who put their kids in a state primary then go on to send them to a private secondary school. They feel that middle-class parents/those affluent enough to pay fees should not use the state system as a kind of primer then withdraw at the level where it's really important to have the support of those parents in the system.

Obviously you will do what you want to do, but you might like to think a bit about the implications, OP.

We did private from 3 and don’t regret a penny.

Something to consider is that they’ll be guaranteed a place in the secondary school if they’ve gone through primary. Places can be competitive.

It’s the taxes of those who earn enough to pay private school fees which heavily contribute to the provision of education for all in the first place, so they have every right to use as much or as little as they wish, and it is absolutely not the teachers’ right to comment on this at all. Absolutely nobody should consider this on any level when making a decision on whether or not to privately educate their child and at what point they wish to do so.

Spectacularly missing the point, @Nina1013 - and that is not how our tax system works - but thanks for your input

@Grammarnut ..my DD’s state school and all other state schools teach kids to read 🙈. I was actually very impressed by how quickly they taught my DD. She is now year 2 and reading chapter books fluently. It’s not that complex really. They teach using phonics which is a really basic method once you get it.

I should mention Dsis had a fair bit more than £100,000 and it wasn't enough for primary and secondary. It was all the extras and school trips that killed it.

Private school is much more limited in social mix than state - for that reason alone state and only move private when necessary as the child will get a broader social education that way

What do you mean by social mix? We are in a very white middle class area and our PS has a much broader mix in terms of religions and ethnic background. My DS1's best friend is Pakistani whose parents own the local pharmacy.

My kids are secondary now and have been private since reception. My two Pennies:

DS would not have passed the entry requirement of Y7. School is full then and they open up another 30 places so can be very picky about who they want.

Year 3 sees a big influx and a lot of it is spent by the teachers catching up the state till 8 kids

so - because private prep schools often are just a holding pen for the snipe school staff children and don’t make a lot of money they’ll do a lot to get you age 4 but you run the risk of not getting in to Y7. To be fair that might change with VAT.

id also be factoring in how secure your jobs are? Length left on the mortgage? Likelihood of family help if things go belly up? Any more children on the horizon? How’s your pension looking? If you are both doctors for example with great pensions and 5 years to go on the mortgage and are done with one I’d go for it.

If you’re in less stable jobs with no pension and a 500k mortgage I’d avoid it.

Not an easy choice, good luck

Spot on and what is the matter with state schools?
I'm clearly living on another part of the planet with a totally different perspective.
Sorry that this is all causing you such anxiety

Indeed, @Thudercatsrule . Surely there's a Millionairesnet online somewhere that will be more useful

I'm a secondary school teacher, in a state school that parents choose over private as a similar vibe (but free, obvs).

We have a couple of children who have joined us from private prep. They are significantly behind their peers both socially and academically.

Save your money.