Take the plunge now or wait until secondary? Tearing my hair out and at loggerheads with DP

[Munneyworries]

Me and DP started saving for DD’s school fees when she was born. She’s due to go to school next September and we should have 100k saved by then. The school we are looking at is 18k a year for prep (including VAT), rising to 24k (including vat) at secondary level (obviously may be more by the time she starts secondary).

DP is adamant that she should start next year and our plan that we use 10k drawn down from savings per year and the rest from income. His argument is that the surplus needed from income equates to the same as the nursery fees per month that we have been paying and things have been fine.

I get where he is coming from but I just don’t feel we have enough buffer yet. I don’t want to put her in and then take her out etc. The local primary school is not good in terms of reputation for teaching etc but it is a nice place and friendly and I don’t think it will cause her harm to go there.

We have been arguing about this constantly since viewing the prep school this last week and DP wanting to basically sign up to it immediately. I feel so stressed and don’t want to make a mistake for dd who realistically won’t know the difference between the two schools regardless of which one she starts at.

It might not be the right school for her at 8 or 16.

What happens if you split up- the fact that you haven't spoken all week doesn't bode well for long term as that isn't a healthy way of dealing with conflict.

I've seen a lot of children go through private and buying a property has been better for the children's life chances. I would save all prep fees towards a property and they paid private from 11 or 13

@TickingAlongNicely so nursery is 1,200 and we just about manage to save 1k on top but it is not easy

When we started our older DS at his private primary (pre-prep) it was £18k per year. Was about the same as nursery so seemed like not much difference. But the fees went up a bit every year, more than inflation, and are now £25K per year. And that is before the VAT hit from January. Plus we hadn't factored in that the nursery was open 8am to 6pm all year round, but school doesn't match working hours, so we were paying for a mix of an after school nanny, after school clubs, holiday clubs, and extra school holiday babysitting. That's another £10K per year (though the nanny at least is both kids for the price of one).

My DC have an absolutely wonderful time at their amazing prep school but to be honest if we had our time over I would have done state primary then tutored (which you have to do anyway) to get into private high school. Instead, I'm seriously considering leaving a job I love to take one that pays better so we can afford the VAT increase and rising fees generally.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints we are speaking just not about this as we entirely disagree

It is very common for children to go to state school at primary level - they learn social skills and how to mix and avoid hot-housing - and then private at secondary level - when specialism and good facilities become more important.

My GSs have done this - it has stood them in good stead. They are reaping the benefits of what their private secondaries have to offer, whilst also having the social awareness of their privilege and a broad approach to life.

State till 8 worked marvellously for us. DS then moved to a fantastic prep with grounds, swimming pool, specialist music and sports teachers, broad curriculum including outdoor time, drama, MFL, philosophy, DT etc. There was a huge difference between that and the state primary.

I honestly think primary state school will be fine as imo the problems with behaviour etc and classes being disrupted becomes more prominent in high school

Are you in a grammar area?

If you save £1k a month how have you saved £100k in 4 or so years?
I would put her in state and see how she goes. That money might be much better for her as a house deposit than as primary school fees. Also private secondary tends to be much more expensive than primary, so you need to be prepared for that.

Send her the normal primary and pay for a tutor in year 5/6 to catch her up the the others in the secondary

@Beth216 we have saved all gifted money during that time too

@mycatsbestfriend yes that is my thinking

So you currently spend/save 2.2k a month on childcare/education... so £26.4k.
The Primary school fees would be 18k... so you would continue to have more money going into the account, not taking money out at your current levels.

So you can afford it.

So the only question is... is it worthwhile. And no one can really say that as we don't know the schools!

it depends a lot on how bright she is OP . If she isn’t bright then you would be better getting her into private for the smaller classes and more attention as soon as you can . If she’s pretty bright then waiting till year 3 or year 6 with tutoring shouldn’t be an issue .

It is common here to go to state until year 3 and then into private in preparation for 11+ and the local grammar . Or year 7 into private for those that don’t make the 11+ . Very few kids are private all the way through

I agree with others that your 100k isn’t enough , you need to factor in at least 5% yearly increase in fees and now 20% VAT .

Two of my DC are completely state educated and doing great though both had the benefit of selective state senior schools as one passed the 11+ and one was a near miss with a scholarship , the younger though moved into private in year 7. Hind sight is a great thing - looking back he would probably have benefitted from moving earlier - he is my least academic and most anxious child - I think he’s capable of great things but he is going to need more help getting there

We had the same dilemma but we did from pre prep I didn t want him settled then having to move no regrets atall

There's no need to be at same school all way through, they get a sort of same school ' fatigue ' , state is totally fine, save it till she's older. I've done both btw, state primary then transition to private, was all fine .

He's not really being crazy. It is hard to imagine until your child reaches that age but you will be taking them away from friends etc if you keep moving them (unless you wait till secondary then it will be fine).

What a complete waste of money if there is a nice free school nearby.

I think it's crazy to go private.

BIL went to private school - he's an alcoholic, in a dead end job.

My 2 went to normal high school - both got degrees and have professional jobs.

Only one of my god children went to private schools (I have 8 godchildren), they are all doing about the same as each other in life.

I'd rather spend the money on a bigger house or holidays, or even a deposit for the children to get a house when they are older.

Wait until secondary - primary is definitely too much money for private. Paying for tuition and other sporting and music activities is definitely the way to go if you are willing to spend money. Pay for your daughters hobbies and teach her a language!

What's his plan for if the school goes bust (as many are)?

firstly as everyone has said £100K is not enough - private school fees have increased by 49% in the last decade according to the FT.
That's before VAT
this year the average before vat increase is 8%
2022-2023 my DD2 school cost us 29 thousand pounds for final sixth form year - that is day fees, min bus and few extras but not much.
]It depends if you felt that once she started school you would not have to save anymore and would not be putting nursery fees towards school fees ? in whcih case you are deluded.

However you could continue saving what you save now and pay school fees for pre prep out of income than when you start tohit the crunch were fees cannot be paid out of income then you start dipping into the increased savings pot - well yes is doable

we had no savings pot and paid for 2 dds from nursery through to sixth form from taxed income - it was financially crippling and left us way behind with pensions/mortgage repayment etc. BUT it was a lovely educational experience and pre prep and prep private is so far removed from state it was like a different world.

Take the plunge now! There is no comparison between the feelings of a privately educated child from P1 and a child thrust into this environment in secondary school. I am not saying the teaching will be any better than at a state school, sometimes it can be even worse, but the calm atmosphere, no ESL children, uniform, discipline, fabulous physical (I am not saying intellectual) environment, portraits of former pupils who became prime ministers on the walls, the Union Flag flying over school grounds on national holidays, a church attached to the school - it is like a trip to the 1950s (where I am frequently sent to by fellow MNetters). Remember, if you did not to to a private school when you were 5, and at 20 you are at Oxford and at 30 you are a multi-zillionnaire, you still did not go to a private school when you were 5!

Fees will at least double from reception to y13

Most children, even those from the landed gentry, go to state primary schools at least until 7 often until older.
With the huge fees now if they local state schools are ok and your child is happy you are better off just paying for extra tutoring and saving some of the mosey to help through uni and with housing. Interestingly now many unis give better offers to state school pupils than private pupils