AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

Is he going to have a bed to sleep in? And will baby definitely be with you all night?

Honestly I'm not sure if it'll be a popular opinion, I'd rather my husband went home and was rested enough to drive me and baby home safely the next day, rather than sleep deprived if he's been on a hospital chair all night awake for 24+ hours if you've been in for a day for the CS then overnight.

If he goes home to sleep he can help more when you get home the next day. Most people manage without their partner there overnight in hospital, I can't see how you can make him stay.

I think you also have to think of the other women on the ward, to be honest.

Trust me you will want the space to gather your thoughts post birth..

Do you have other children at home?

Could he come back to the hospital if you were really struggling?

In our ward most partners go home later on and come back early doors.
it’s a shit night sleep in a chair and you just disturb each other tbh.

I’m also having an ELC and plan on insisting my husband goes home to get a good night’s sleep even though he’s said he’s more than happy to stay.

I want him to be able to safely drive us home from the hospital and help me a lot around the house/do everything when I get back and that will be much easier on a good night’s sleep. He wouldn’t even have a proper bed to sleep in at the hospital!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, if it’s a private room with a bed for your husband. I had a c-section and if I was in a private room I definitely would have wanted my partner to stay! You will be fine on your own but if you don’t have to do it alone then don’t! It is the norm for partners to not be allowed to stay over but that’s because almost all women on a postnatal ward are not in private rooms.

If Dh had that attitude I’d tell him to not bother coming to the hospital at all.

DH was planning on sleeping in the car as he couldn’t bare the idea of being far away from us ‘just in case’.

Luckily we were allowed DPs to stay overnight but nothing provided to sleep on so he slept on floor under my dressing gown for two nights.

You’ll be recovering from your C-section, the father of the child will need to care for the child. As the child is in hospital, that’s where he’ll need to be. If he’s worried about the lack of sleep, he can take a camp bed/roll bad/blow up bed.

I’ve had multiple c sections and was lucky enough to be fine during the night - even the first night. Just don’t be afraid to ask the midwives for help ! Visiting hours are usually the full day for partners so you’ll have plenty of time where he can help you , good luck

Everyone gets their own private room so Partners are encouraged to stay

Did your private room have a bed? We’re to get a private room and I’d be delighted if it had a bed so my husband can stay.

I’m normally firmly in the no camp, but if you have a private room and he has a reasonably comfortable place to sleep then it’s fine. Though presumably if you have private care the nurses will be more attentive.

Also, if you have the baby at say, 9 am, do you want him there for 24 hours? That might be overkill!

He's right, there's no point in both of you not being well rested.

I'd send him home where he'd be more useful in preparing some lunches/dinners etc.

Will there be a bed for him? I think I'd prefer him to go home so he's more capable of helping and driving safely the next day.

I don’t think he will be allowed to stay overnight anyways, for safety of other mums for one, Lack of bed space for him etc

Let him go home and get some rest. You won't be left alone in a room until the midwives are happy you're mobile enough to be. You'll be on a 'recovery' ward until this point. You'll be able to get up and walk around after about 6 hours. You'll be grand.

At our trust dad's (and other 'visitors') have to leave by 8pm. DH was quite upset about leaving but actually it was really good that he was able to get some proper sleep and set some things up in the house, DD came a few weeks earlier than expected so the car seat/pram etc were all still in the box!

I also felt like it gave me some alone time to bond with DD and I had some great breastfeeding support that I don't think I'd have taken up if DH was there. The midwives were really supportive overnight too.

The information from our hospital says that Partners can stay - everyone has their own room

I'm with you, I wanted DH by my side and was glad he was there because the midwives were pretty useless ans very unsympathetic. But we paid a fortune for a private room with a fold out bed for him, so he got enough sleep.

On a ward I think husbands shouldn't be allowed to stay, it's not fair on the other women and many of the men sit chatting on their phones rather than supporting their wives anyway!

The midwives and nurses are wonderful OP! I was formula feeding and couldn’t get the baby to take the bottle, the midwife sat next to me and fed baby the whole thing, and they answered every time I buzzed super fast.

I have to agree with others, if one of you can have a good nights rest, they’ll be more helpful the next day when there’s no midwives around.

I'm surprised by these replies. My hospital proudly shared a social media post when they installed the reclining bed-chairs for partners on the post-labour ward. They're expected to stay (to do most of the post birth care but that's another thread).

I sent my DH home - I was in no mood to hear how "knackered" he was

I was on the postnatal ward a few weeks after birth for mastitis and had a private room with a murphy wall bed thing so my partner had a bed. I was so poorly I definitely couldn’t look after a 2 week old (plus the postnatal ward was so understaffed)