AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

No I think if you have that option then you get to ask him to stay.

Is there somewhere for him to sleep? Like a blow up bed or something? Or just a chair?

I think he should stay. I had a bad birth and a catheter in etc and couldn't move, there was no one around to get me a glass of water, I was struggling to pick up the baby.

I'd be pissed off if I'd felt like this, my husband could have helped but chose not to as he didn't want to be tired. Also with the current state of failing nhs maternity services I think it's much safer for someone to stay with you after you've had an operation, to check on you.

As a woman that's given birth for times I absolutely hated it when men where starting on the ward. Huge giant big fat NO from me.

At the hospital where I gave birth the husband's weren't allowed to stay overnight, they were kicked out when visiting hours were over

Why is no one reading the post? It's private rooms.

No. Other women won't like it.

OP you’re not going to believe me when I say let him go home

I wouldnt have believed it myself 😂 but DH had to leave and I absolutely loved the peace and tranquil of just me and baby.

I had a difficult birth and needed constant help, literally couldnt move due to a spinal block (bad tear) so midwives popping in and out wouldn't have been adequate care for me or my baby, so my partner stayed. The midwives were probably happy I had someone there to assist me.

My advice is don't argue about it now. If you need him to stay it will be obvious to him that he shouldn't go home.

As I’ve already mentioned several times, everyone has their own room!!!!
Partners are actively encouraged to stay

I think you have to learn to read a very short op, to be honest.

And yes I think it's weird he wouldn't even suggest staying or ask what you wanted if you have your own room and it's your first child honestly. My husband didn't stay with either as it was an open ward, but with DD1, if it had a private room then he probably would have, and got some sleep in there. He certainly would have asked what my preference was, being the one who had just had major surgery and all ...

Fair point. To be honest.

(Is it a private hospital?)

I agree with you. I had a c section last week and my DH stayed. It would have been possible to manage on my own with help of midwives but I think that’s unfortunately not guaranteed these days and I’d have struggled on my own.

Why doesn’t he stay at night, do a waking night entirely so that you can have a full night sleep, and then he can go home and sleep during the day?

Makes sense as you won’t be likely to be able to sleep as much during the day - even in a private room there’ll be doctors and nurses etc coming in and out.

Edit - and during the day, hospital staff are more likely to be able to help you.

I had to stay on a ward with 3 other mums and babies because all the private rooms had been given to dads.

Drama queen?! Bloody hell. Unless you mean OP's husband whining about one night's bad sleep?

OP, I think giving birth is one of the few times in your life where your wishes are paramount and fuck everyone else. If you want him there, you insist he is there. Especially in the circumstances you describe with a private room etc. He's going to have plenty of nights with disturbed sleep, one more won't hurt, especially if it helps you get bf etc established so you're in a better position as a family unit when you leave hospital.

You can always change your mind on the day and send him home if he's disturbing you too much!

It’s an NHS hospital but it’s all private rooms. Earlier this year it got a bad rating from the CQC so I’m worried about being left alone all night.

Definitely have him with you.
You will be the one giving birth and needing rest after major surgery. Its absolutely ridiculous to expect you to cope with that, plus a newborn baby while he is at home sleeping.

Start as you mean to go on, he will be far less entitled to that rest than you will. Tell him to suck it up!
I had my child in hospital and my partner was made to leave within 30mins of the birth, the trauma I felt that night of being ridiculously tired after an induced labour and then expected to care for a newborn all alone whilst on a noisey ward is exactly what lead to me insisting on a homebirth the next time.

This is the one day where you are the absolute priority, take it, don't let anyone else guilt you into thinking you 'should be able to cope on your own'

And as far as him being possibly too tired to drive you home the next day, book an uber, problem solved!

Sorry did you have a C-section?

The first time they got me to stand I ended up passing out for a couple of minutes. Apparently that’s a normal reaction to severe pain and happens often on the ward.

But I am glad to hear not all C-sections are the same as I’ve been really nervous about next time around. Glad that I won’t need to lie in blood stained sheets again as I couldn’t bend to put a pad in down there for the first day or so.

It’s funny as when I had my appendix out I had to stay in hospital for nearly a week. Had to stay on bed rest for at least a couple of days. C-section? Much more major surgery and felt 200x worst, stop being a drama lama.

I don’t think expecting my husband to want to stay with me (when it’s actively encouraged by the hospital !!!) after I’ve had surgery and have a new born is being controlling

OP has posted multiple times that she will be in a private room and partners are encouraged to stay

I would want that given you have your own room and he's welcome. However, whether we can insist on someone stepping up when they aren't naturally inclined is a much bigger issue.

Honestly, having one of you well rested will make a big difference for the first day you are home. The midwives can help you with baby if your mobility isn't great but by the evening your spinal will have worn off and as long as you are on top of your pain relief you should be fine.