AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

As I’ve said many times it’s a private room - there are no wards at my hospital

If partners are allowed to stay, I'd want him to stay. You wouldn't leave someone to look after a newborn after abdominal surgery in any other situation.

I had an elcs with my first and also sent dp home to rest. The midwives were awful, they ignored me, wouldn't come for 30 minutes when I was incapable of getting baby, so many other issues. I left the next day completely traumatised. Keep your husband, he can manage a single night of sleep deprivation to be there in case you need him. It's major surgery.

So? Doesn't stop him wandering about!

I've had 2 sections, emergency and elective, and while I could pick up my baby, it certainly wasn't easy for the first night in hospital. It was painful and awkward and my movement was severely limited. And with DD2 I had my catheter in all night so my movement was even more restricted. If DH had been there it would have been easier for sure. I managed fine, I am not complaining because it was an open ward and it was right he wasn't there overnight. But if it was a private room and he could have been there, it would have made life easier for sure.

MN has this peculiar thing where women giving birth are made to feel like they are being dramatic for wanting any kind of support. It baffles me. Giving birth is painful and scary, yet it's 'controlling' to want your husband there to help you. Nonsense.

😳 Oh well obviously the dads had had such a traumatic time. Jesus Christ I'd have been livid

In that case yes he should stay. Are you at a private hospital or a hospital not in the UK as that really isn't the case in my local hospital. Partners get a chair that may or may not recline but if he will have somewhere to actually sleep then he should stay

This is my concern re the midwives - I’ve not heard many positive reviews about your hospital and the fact they actively encourage partners to stay makes me think they expect your partner to help

I was in for a week also in a private room after birth. Dh didn't stay and I was quite pleased so be on my own rather than having someone uncomfortable in an armchair.
It's only one night fgs.

It doesn't matter how many times you mention it. This is AIBU so people will ignore the facts.
I originally voted yabu but changed my mind when you mentioned this.
I think if YOU feel you want him there he should step up
It really doesn't matter what was important to other people in this situation, or what other people HAD to do.
Life isn't about shaping your choices to what other people did or fo, it's about doing what works for you.
Obviously there needs to be some compromise here because your DH doesn't want the same thing you do.
I would be pissed off though in your situation.

In all honesty, I would much rather he went home, got the place ready and cleaned for my and baby's arrival (ive asked for fresh bed sheets, fresh PJs, fresh food in, etc), and got rest so that he can do everything when we get home!

He should go home if he doesnt want to stay. It's only one night.

Poor lamb will need his rest after watching you have surgery I'm having an elective c section in a few weeks and dh is definitely staying overnight. What a pathetic attitude from your dh

He should stay. Take a camping mat of some sort. If it's an elective section though a different visitor could probably stay with you from eg 3-10pm while he naps and then does nightshift. That assumes you have that type of relationship with eg mum or sister though.

Some really horrible women on this thread

Not every childbirth/ c section experience is the same. Some women will need more help than others afterwards.

I totally agree that one of them needs to be getting a good rest that first night. It should be the OP. The one who is having major surgery.

Honestly I’m totally baffled at the attitude on here - all I want is my husband to support me after I’ve had surgery and a newborn and apparently I’m a drama queen who’s controlling. Its quite sad that some women’s standards are so low to be honest

I would agree

I had to stay on a ward with 3 other mums and babies because all the private rooms had been given to dads.

What do you mean, given to dads? Surely they were given to mothers, whose partners then stayed because they could?

When I had my daughter via EMC I was on a ward and my DH was sent home but I was anxious that I tried to discharge myself unless the let him stay - they gave us a private room and he was then allowed to stay and I am so glad he did because I was in so much pain that I couldn't do the night feed and I didn't hear our baby crying which was part of why I wanted him to stay as I was exhausted and her cry was so quiet. It gave me such a huge peace of mind having him there even though we were both tired. I think that having him there would help you too. If it's a private room they could offer a fold out bed so he can sleep and still be on hand to help you when needed.

Good luck with your recovery and new baby OP!

Let's all relatives stay overnight in hospitals for every surgery, that won't cause chaos at all.

@Netball01 So sorry so many people aren’t reading your post! I’d say as it’s a private room I’d be talking to your partner again, especially if there’s a bed.

Funnily enough I may be being induced tonight/this weekend so I wish you all the best! :)

I would agree