AIBU to want DH to stay with me in hospital after I’ve given birth?

[Netball01]

I’m having an ELCS in a few weeks time & we’ve been told I’ll need to stay in overnight. DH is adamant that he will go home as there
is no point both of us getting a rubbish night’s sleep. Apparently everyone he knows has left their wives over night and they’ve been fine.

AIBU to put my foot down and insist he stays with me? I’m worried that after a c section I’ll be really sore and struggle picking baby up etc and I know these days the midwives are very stretched so can’t rely on them to help all night.

Just to add as I know partners staying overnight is controversial on here - everyone has their own private room at my hospital. Which is another reason I want him to stay as they’ll be no one around to help if the nurses aren’t answering the buzzers.

Stay where though? My DH was recently in a private hospital but there’s only one bed in each room. Would yours have to sleep in the chair?

There is on every thread. No matter what their real opinion they just argue women are being unreasonable and entitled. It’s become a nasty place

The birthing suite I gave birth in (in an NHS hospital) had a double bed for staying overnight. Partners were encouraged to stay here too.

The mums were on the ward, the dads were in the side rooms as no men allowed on the ward.

In some trusts they simply won't allow over night stays so your hospital may simply now allow this anyway op 🤔

So worrying about looking after your baby in the first few hours after surgery is a new thing????

You had your first baby full of confidence did you?

You never asked anyone for anything??

She's clearly said multiple times they encourage partners to stay.

We didn’t really get the choice, it’s the closest NHS hospital to us - I don’t know why they have private rooms rather than a ward but that’s the set up

The batshit replies on here don't surprise me in the least, this place is literally bonkers at times. If this would have been allowed when I was having mine my DH would have insisted on staying with me in a heartbeat, and I'd have been delighted to have him there. People's bars are SO low!! You're not controlling, you won't be wanting to gather your own thoughts, and many of the other crazy responses on here. Of course you want your DH there, it's his baby too. Good luck mama 💐

Will he be allowed to stay? I've never heard of a father staying overnight at the hospital before

I agree, I had one where my partner could stay and one where he couldn’t (during covid) and that was absolutely horrible. Baby wouldn’t sleep apart from on me so I got no sleep at all and was completely exhausted from a long labour. There was zero help from the midwives. Moving to pick up and change the baby hurt a lot, having someone there to hold the baby / help change etc made a world of difference the first time and allowed me to get some sleep.

It’s jealousy.

Of course tell your husband to sort his shit out and get it together. If it’s non negotiable for you; it’s non negotiable.

READ THE FUCKING THREAD!!!!!! Sorry but OP has answered this 10 thousand times at this stage!!!! Yes he is allowed stay, FATHERS ARE ENCOURAGED TO STAY AT THIS HOSPITAL, ITS PRIVATE ROOMS!!!!!!

Sorry but Jesus.......

So, I guess women can't cope without men is the main take-away from this thread!

Do you have any knowledge of how well staffed the ward you are going to be on is? (I know it’s a private room, but what’s the ratio of nurses/MWs/HCAs like). My experience is almost 15 years ago, but after a c section on a poorly staffed ward, my experience overnight was horrific. No help at all from the midwives/HCAs as they were apparently too busy.

I just remember having to get myself out of bed and trudge in agony to the milk fridge to be able to feed DD. I’d have really wanted her father to stay overnight had it been an option for that reason.

I have no idea what's going on on this thread!

Op, if he's allowed to stay, have him stay. Rules are rules.

I had a routine elcs for breech first baby. I was told I wouldn't be discharged for many days if I took the oramorph after so I didn't. I had paracetamol. They wouldn't give me ibuprofen or other anti inflammatories because I'm asthmatic (despite me taking them frequently throughout my previous 30+ years and being fine....). My catheter was removed around 2pm, I could get to the bathroom. I could not get from lying to sitting without involuntary pain noises, it was like i was being cut in half again. This continued for a couple of weeks. It took me over a month to walk properly at anything resembling full speed. My incision was perfect, healed perfectly. My baby screamed all night, turned out to have severe reflux, cmpa, tongue and lip ties. He couldn't latch. They wouldn't help me. At 3am or so they took him away and bottle fed him because his screaming was keeping everyone else up.

For reference, my second baby was a vbac. I had morphine for my low pain threshold, and what was a precipitous labour, resulting in shoulder dystocia. Despite a deep 2nd degree tear (several people inspected my 'anal muscles' to check it wasn't 3rd degree), I was literally bouncing around within 2 hours. I had a little soreness from the stitches, but I was absolutely fine. I had asked dp to stay home with our first, who was recovering from cellulitis and still extremely clingy following a lifetime of poor healthcare.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. If you want him to stay and want his support then he should do whatever you need. You are having a surgery and having his baby. I think men don't actually get the severity of it.

My DH didn't stay with me after either C-section. He snores horrifically. The first was an emergency under general anaesthetic. I was traumatised after. I thought my baby had died. I didn't recognise my baby because I was sadated when she was born. It was hard seeing everyone else with partners and being alone. I still resent him for it. My second was born during COVID. It wasn't as bad because no one had anyone so it didn't feel so lonely. Although, the first time mums crying and upset was hard.

Oh, and midwives are cunts too!

Where is this hospital? I’m intrigued.

Does he not know anyone whose partner gave birth in this hospital?

That’s a horrible oversimplification.

In an understaffed overcapacity maternity ward, it’s just about needing some support.

OP is your mum about? If he won’t stay, could she?

I think he should spend the night exactly where you ask him to, doing whatever it is you need him to do most. Its not much to ask as his contribution to the big day, is it?

Overnight? In what mad world does a woman not stay in hospital for at least 5 nights after a CS?

Up to you, but I couldn’t have done with that - you’ll need sleep and time to spend with your baby

Mine stayed the first night with both of mine. With my first I was in a while and the midwives sent him home for the other nights. I’d have felt quite vulnerable without him with my first. As it was he came in at 3am on night 4 as postnatal was hell and I was having a total breakdown at the midwives ignoring me and making me feel like shit when feeding was going badly. I had left him a message sobbing my heart out and just thought he’d pick it up in the morning but I was so happy when he walked through the door.