If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

Well, it’s good your relationship works for you and your family at the moment, but you’d better prepare for a rather savage mauling….

The unfortunate economic reality is that most couples can't afford to live on one income. If you're looking for a partner and you exclude everyone who isn't a high enough earner to let you not work, you may well never find someone. Pickings are already very slim for most single women.

Well... you're right in thinking this won't go down well in AIBU.

Why are you asking this question? It's blatantly nothing but a weird boast.

So if his business went down the tubes you’d leave him?

do you also find women who can’t financially support their families unattractive?

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive?

I’d have thought it’s a good thing you don’t find other people’s husbands attractive, since you really can’t afford to piss yours off?

I personally do not want to be ‘kept’…. I prefer a relationship where there is give and take on both sides, as a partnership.

YABVU!
The 1950s are calling you back!

….AIBU not to get wound up by such a goady post ?

… AIBU to think someone has written this specifically to annoy people, rather than reflect the reality of their life?

…AIBU to think that there must be lots of other, much more productive, things to do with your time

See, I find it really attractive that a woman could feel this way.

not wanting to stand on your own feet financially and to have a professional identity outside the home- I personally just don’t understand it.

but I would never post an AIBU about it because that’s just my opinion and everyone is entitled to their own perspective.

You're allowed to be attracted to whatever you want, so YANBU there.

YABU to feel sorry for someone for having to work. As a woman I like working and earning my own money, I have no desire for a man to provide for me and I certainly don't want to be a SAHM.

How do you think your husband feels? Is he attracted to someone who is so workshy?

I think we feel attracted to who we feel attracted to 😉

As someone who occasionally dates, 'providers' really turn me off! By all means let's both work, and save to retire early or maybe go part time. But I'd feel suffocated with a guy who feels it's his responsibility to provide for me 😂 Each to their own!

I literally cannot think of a single thing that frightens me more the the thought of being “kept” by a man. I would actively avoid someone who encouraged me to stop work.

I have gone out of my way to ensure that I am responsible for my own financial wellbeing. I have no problem with people choosing to stay at home if they can afford to.

But the idea of judging a man’s value based on whether or not he could support me wouldn’t come into the equation.

You do you. Don't expect the rest of us to want the same thing, and bugger off with the feeling sorry for us crap. I hope he is paying your NIC2 and into a pension scheme for you. I also hope that you have enough personal savings to be able to leave him if you ever need to. Otherwise you're a bloody fool IMHO.

Best hope he doesn't find someone else and leave then. I've seen it happen numerous times to women in your situation.

YANBU to feel as you do and it's good you have independent financial means.

I don't feel sorry for women who want to / need to work at all. Those are perfectly valid choices too.

Who I feel sorry for are women who bind themselves to men who expect them to work full-time to pay all/half the bills, take on all the child rearing responsibilities, do all the house chores and 'admin' and provide them with all the physical and emotional aspects of a relationship. No sir - you can fuck right off with that foolishness!

I find women who lack any ambition outside of being a parent unattractive.

I don't expect a man to "keep " me. I'm not a pet.

Why does it matter whether some other man who you’re not married to can’t afford to keep a SAHM? What a weird post. You’re married and your set up seems to work for you and your husband.

Your post is goading, boastful and thoughtless.

My husband can afford to keep me as a SAHM but I work for a variety of reasons that make sense for our family. I don’t care what other people do as long as it works for their family. However, judging the economic decisions that other people are forced to make is far more unattractive to me than what you find unattractive.

I would love your life. For most families there’s no choice and I was a single mum from when they went to school so have always worked full time. I have been and still am absolutely knackered.

Im sure you realise how lucky you are and if you ever did split up you probably wouldn’t be able to be so choosy

It's not a boast to me as I wouldn't want to live OP's life, I admire independently wealthy women who have earned their own money especially in a man's world.

in the real world, most families need 2 incomes. I have to say I find it unattractive in women (and men) to expect to be financed their entire life by their partner. I think it's just lazy and shows a monumental lack of self respect. Nothing attractive there.

And this as well. You seem to be taking as read that women all want to stay at home and avoid work.

Are you aware that a lot of us actually like working?

I find it massively unattractive a person who expects their partner to totally financially look after them. When children have started school and people say things like "I have no intention of working", it's just a massive turn off for me.