If a man can't afford to keep me

[sunshinesparklestar]

I'm not sure how well this post will go down but AIBU to find it unattractive if a man can't financially support his wife and family? I mean to the point where the wife doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to.

I am a SAHM to my child who is now in school. I have been a SAHM since my maternity leave ended and I have no plans on going back to work. My DH runs a business and earns enough to comfortably support us all. I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

The main AIBU is to find a man who couldn't financially support his wife unattractive? There's a couple who live down my street and she has to work full time and I feel sorry for her leaving so early every morning and coming home way after her children have finished school.

I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them.

I too admire strong independent woman who make their own money, in some ways I wish I could do that! I have ADHD and really struggle to hold down a job (I always have done) I was diagnosed as a child. but what I can do incredibly well is look after my child, my husband, my home and my pets.

My Husband is completely happy with our family dynamic, he doesn't mind if I work or not and encourages me with whatever I want to do.

When me and DH met 11 years ago he was employed and not earning much at all, my family supported us and it's only since starting up his business that we have been in this comfortable position. I'm not only with him for his money, I would also never leave him if he could no longer run his business.

It is just my personal opinion that I find a man attractive who can afford to give me the life I thrive in. He also finds a woman attractive who can run the home.

🍿 🍿 🤣🤣🤣

@sunshinesparklestar How’s your pension pot doing?

Interestingly the fact that I have my own career and am ambitious is one of the things that attracted me to my DH (on and my good pension pot).

I would die of boredom if I was not working!

I was just about to type the same thing.

I think some people have missed the bit of the OP, where she says:

I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life.

Jesus when did we go back to the 1950's ..

You know not everyone has a job that pays big money right ? It's the norm for both parents to work to be able to afford to pay the mortgage and bills. Not everyone is well off and has the luxury of being able to live off one income . Most of us would LOVE to be able to stay at home with our kids or work part time even and have a healthy balance unfortunately for the majority that's not the case.

Your family used to financially support you, wow you're a total catch! Not surprised he's so attracted to you.

I’m guessing OP has seen the many threads recently where people are struggling financially and is wondering how to make it to clear to randoms on the internet that she isn’t struggling.

It’s ok to push this need for validation right down, OP, not every feeling needs to see the light of day.

Am not sure this post is designed to do anything other than stir the pot, but on the off-chance it is genuine, then YABU. Mainly because I am a complete control freak, and therefore need to be the main bread winner.

😂

Have you ever thought that you might be incredibly shallow OP?

You’re basically saying that most artists, writers, musicians, actors, teachers, emergency service workers etc etc are inherently unattractive.

And what would you do if your currently very attractive rich partner loses his job, becomes ill, has a breakdown, or gets the urge to retrain and take on a lower paid job for a time, would you suddenly get the ick?

All of this aside from the fact that lots of women actually enjoy a rewarding career and being financially independent? I honestly think you might need some therapy here (or a time machine of some sort)

I thought love was the main thing in a marriage?

Very sad in 2024 that any woman wants or needs a man to support her. You’d get a shock if your DH decided he wanted to be the SAHP.

Good for you OP. You are winning at life. You are clearly better and much more attractive than those sad, pathetic women who couldn't find a man with a high earning job.

Honestly what do you want people on here to say?

My mum felt very much that she had missed out as a result of not having a career, and her experience undoubtedly made me feel that it was important to keep working. I'm actually very grateful to her for having given me that perspective as it has made me feel grateful for my career even when things have been tough at times.

Could you pursue a career of your own now?

It is just my personal opinion that I find a man attractive who can afford to give me the life I thrive in
Well of course you do, you don't have to be a genius to work that one out.

It's entirely up to you where you set your boundaries.

It isn't what I'll be teaching my daughters though.

'I totally agree with women working if they want/need to but I can't help but feel sorry for them'

No need to feel sorry for me, OP. My DW earns enough to support the family, but I have a career that I love and value, and enjoy. And it happens to pay well.
Which means the financial pressure isn't all on DW, and if she changed jobs, downgraded pay or decided to not work at all for a while or was made redundant we are still okay.
She likes her job too, but if she decided to take time out to study or go PT then she knows she can. She's not trapped having to be the one paying all the bills.

@sunshinesparklestar are you Elizabeth Bennet? (£10,000 a year!!!!)

Each to their own OP.
It's a good way to eliminate potentially amazing partners who just happen not to earn loads of cash.

Well my DM has always been the breadwinner in their set up. She values the other ways he contributes and still finds him attractive.
Yours is a very old fashioned view of gender roles!

Why on earth would you need a man to keep you??? What about being independent???

Circumstances don't always stay the same. What happens if your husband has an accident and can't work for a while or gets made redundant? Are you going to get the ick and move on with the kids?

I was a stay at home mum for 7 years (both of our decision), I had plans to go back to work when my daughter turned 4 but then covid lockdowns happened so we delayed it. Our finances took a hit as DP is a self employed tradie so I started work full time, we have now managed to buy a house which wouldn't have happened if I wasn't working.

If you want your family to succeed you all have to muck in.

It might suit you and your DH, personally I was brought up never to rely on a man( never did when I was married with DC
Fast forward and I'm too disabled to work now.. I still manage the money I have( but never tell anyone my financial circumstances)
Don't you want to feel independent?
Make your own decisions and be a good role model to your DC?
What do you do when your DC are at school?
You only posted this to get a reaction.. and have time on your hands to post it

"I have things in place which mean I would be financially secure if he was to leave me/pass away and for later in life."

What are these "things" you have and what does "financially secure" mean to you?

I wouldn’t find a man who couldn’t support me financially unattractive.
I would have to admit that I find men who choose not support themselves unattractive though. Fortunately my DH had no aspirations to become a SAHD.