To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

[BrainAddled]

Husband is going on a golf trip away with his dad for 5 days. He wants me to have his mum here with me, while he and his dad go golfing. She is not easy going and I won’t be able to relax and go about my life normally. She is not infirm or unable to stay at home on her own - They live in the same village as my husband's sister, who is always on hand anyway.
My family want to come and stay that week and I would like them to. AIBU to want to see my family instead, when he is going golfing with his Dad?
I would really like to know how many people on here host their in-laws when their husband is not there at all. I’ve had them on my own for a week before, when husband wasn’t even in the country, but it takes a lot from me because they are not easy going at all.
Thank you.

Good! Make this be the start of putting yourself first.

Yanbu but this is the kind of thing my husband would ask. And I’d say no. And he’d be upset and offended because I don’t like his mum - which is simply not true, she’s ace, I just don’t like her as much as he does and have a problematic relationship with my own mum and being mothered, and therefore don’t want another mum.

But no. You shouldn’t have to host her because he’s going away.

OP clearly it sounds like you need to think it through and then do a couple of extended scouting trips to see the lay of the land for a decision of this magnitude. Familiarity does breed contempt and there will be so many things that have changed.
Yourself look like a good time being closer to retirement but your children's futures careers etc.

His suggestion is bizarre, as I'm sure you know.
Do what you want!

Glad you're standing up to him and prioritising your own wishes! I'd start making a habit of it. He should stop being so selfish and immature. 'Got in first!' 🙄

That’s an easy no, I’ve made other plans statement. Put your big girl pants on.

I suppose this is why DH thinks that it is not unreasonable to request this.

He will probably not be happy if you start to do what makes you happy now because he has become accustomed to you pleasing him, and perhaps putting him before yourself.

I think both parties compromising throughout the relationship is probably the best thing going forward, although you might receive a little hesitancy from him at this stage.

I do hope whatever you decide to do works out for you, and I don't think you are being unreasonable BTW.

Fuck no!

So he's going on a jolly and also wants to control what you do while he's away? Absolutely no chance!

Make it clear your family are coming to stay and have a lovely time with them.

Suggestions that you stick up for yourself and say not b. likely; were a good dea but it"s too late. If you have enough beds, have them all ver. Your folks will dilute your MIL's attitude and hubby hasn't a leg to stand on !

He is doing his thing, you can do yours and if that means you see your family, then that’s how it is. You don’t have to babysit his mother. If she can’t be alone, her husband should not leave her. She’s not your responsibility especially if she has family near her home.

Whenever my dh goes away I don’t want anyone to stay. I relish some me time. But if I wanted my mum to stay then I’d invite her. There’s not a chance I’d invite my able bodied, self sufficient mil to encroach on my solitude.

Im glad you’ve made it clear you can do what you want whilst he’s away.

No is a complete sentence. Plus if your family visit while he’s away then it’s a win for him as he won’t need to see his in-laws and be put out!

I'm thinking this, too. Does DH not trust OP, perhaps? Sounds like he wants her chaperoned while he's away.
Both dictating who she has to stay, and wanting someone to stay, speak of controlling behaviour - especially now we know OP often keeps the peace by acquiescing to his demands.
OP, if you start pushing back, be prepared for him to lose it. Suspect this is the beginning of the end, when he realises he can't control you any more.

Grow a back bone.
Great for saying No this time.
But think carefully do you actually want anyone to stay. Or would you and the kids be happier on your own?
If you do want your family then fine invite them.

And certainly reward yourself for saying No.

Oh, my MIL decided immediately that I was her daughter and just appears at my house whether my partner is there or not. 😂 She isn't easygoing, but luckily I am, so I don't mind tbh. But if it feels like an imposition to have her, then don't. You should be comfortable in your space. 🖤