To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

[BrainAddled]

Husband is going on a golf trip away with his dad for 5 days. He wants me to have his mum here with me, while he and his dad go golfing. She is not easy going and I won’t be able to relax and go about my life normally. She is not infirm or unable to stay at home on her own - They live in the same village as my husband's sister, who is always on hand anyway.
My family want to come and stay that week and I would like them to. AIBU to want to see my family instead, when he is going golfing with his Dad?
I would really like to know how many people on here host their in-laws when their husband is not there at all. I’ve had them on my own for a week before, when husband wasn’t even in the country, but it takes a lot from me because they are not easy going at all.
Thank you.

OP, it sounds like he doesn’t want you to do things without him having some control over them. Like he wants his mother to keep an eye on you. Only you can say if this is a pattern.

Edited to say well done!

He got in first? What is he fucking 12?
No, if he isn't there he gets no bloody say, tell him you've booked a weekend for yourself in Portugal and have invited your mums and dad to yours so he'll have yo host them and let him argue his way put of that.

Your husband is a sexist pig, stop doing things that do not suit you just to keep him happy, you are not hsi service human.

Sorry, I would be really interested to see all posts - but some are deleted 'for breaking guidelines' - seriously, why????? Surely nobody suggested bumping off in-laws or suchlike - why are comments deleted????? We are not in kindergarten, we can judge for ourselves, fgs!

Tell him that it doesn't work like that. You know that there is no way he would have your mum to stay if you weren't there.

Exactly- he’s made arrangements for how he spends his time he doesn’t get a say in how you spend yours

I host mother in law in when he is not around yes but normally only for a day/evening. She is difficult and immobile. Not 5 days straight no that is a lot.

Sounds to me as if you are doing your DH a big favour, and he is still take take take. Would he do this for you?

Not a chance OP, not a chance.

I'd tell my DH it's a firm no and if he wants his mum looked after for a week, he can be the one to do it!

Can you imagine a woman telling her husband the same about her own mother?! Imagine the reaction, the guy would just laugh!

glad you said no, I’m surprised your MIL didn’t jump at the chance of some peace herself!!

When my DH goes away I love the bed to myself, tv dinners, see friends etc

He wouldn’t dare invite anyone in his absence!

Jeez, it’s not a competition and you don’t have to host his mother just because he’s going away. Does his mother even want to come?! I’d tell him no and tell him (note, not ask) your family are coming. Why on earth would you want to have your time with him away hosting his not easy to get on with mother? It sounds like very hard work.

Just tell him that if ever you're hosting his parents, he needs to be present or it doesn't happen. If ever he's hosting your parents, you need to be present or it doesn't happen ... it's unfair for him to expect you will host his mother when you're not there. Of course you're closer to your own family and would rather see them, that's normal.

i would just contact MIL and say sorry but you can't see her that week because you have already made plans.

That would be a big fat no from me

Keep saying no.

He's a child.

That's lovely. You are fortunate to have a mil you get on with so well. My dil is like a daughter to me. She knows she can talk to me about anything & she does although I'd never expect her to prioritise me over her own parents and my son wouldn't dream of requesting this.

Blimey there are some stupid, selfish arseholes out there. Him, not you, obvs.

That's absolute nonsense.

If you are raising children and looking after the home then you work INSIDE the home

He is not your boss

You don't HAVE to do anything

This is the 21st century not the mid 20th

Wow, so not only does he get to go away on a child-free break with his dad but he wants to foist his difficult mother on you while he's away, presumably so he scores brownie points without having to do any of the work.

Good news is that he doesn't get to dictate what you do with your time.

Tell him that if he wants MIL to come, you'll go golfing with FIL and he can stay at home with the kids and entertain her himself.

Would DH babysit your parents?

Well done OP. The first NO is always the scariest ❤

Good for you OP.

Now time to book a week away for yourself. MN is really good with holiday suggestions...

Not an effing chance! I wouldn't even want to spend an hour with MIL without DH there!!

Time to prioritise yourself and not feel bad about it

I've probably read too many threads about DHs and MILs. But I'd say be careful and get your family in situ before DH and FIL go away. Because given his 'I got in first' response I wouldn't be in the least surprised if he moved his mother in before your family got there and refused to move her out.

Honestly you’d just pack the kids and leave.

Glad you said no-hope you manage to stick to it!

If it gets difficult-could you go to your parents?