To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

[BrainAddled]

Husband is going on a golf trip away with his dad for 5 days. He wants me to have his mum here with me, while he and his dad go golfing. She is not easy going and I won’t be able to relax and go about my life normally. She is not infirm or unable to stay at home on her own - They live in the same village as my husband's sister, who is always on hand anyway.
My family want to come and stay that week and I would like them to. AIBU to want to see my family instead, when he is going golfing with his Dad?
I would really like to know how many people on here host their in-laws when their husband is not there at all. I’ve had them on my own for a week before, when husband wasn’t even in the country, but it takes a lot from me because they are not easy going at all.
Thank you.

I'd see your family he can't get "in first" if he's not going to be there. He's doing his family thing by going golfing with his dad. he could have chosen to do something involving both his parents but chose not to. How you spend your time and who you choose to see when he isn't there is none of his business. he sounds awful.

If he thinks it'll be nice to see her, he can take her on his golf trip. That's a bit fat no to hosting her whilst he's away, you get the chance to have a nice quiet house and see friends, not babysit his mother

What else do you do to keep him happy?

I can’t believe he is even hinted for his mum to stay, it’s extremely entitled to expect this.

That's not how it works.

He's not going to be there so it's none of his business how you choose to spend your time.

His is such a selfish mentality.

His mum wouldn’t stay in your house alone, the whole reason he wants her there is because he is co-opting your time and efforts.

I hope this is the first step to you asserting yourself in many different ways OP.

Her DH is going away. So why can't she cope on her own? If she can't cope on her own, you aren't being asked to host you are being asked to be her carer. And that's way more than merely being a host.

If you are hosting it has to be by your agreement and terms otherwise he has to host. He can't offer to host if he's not actually hosting.

Wow. The fact that you have to ask this, and that your husband thinks this is acceptable is very very worrying about your relationship.

This ^ . Yet another selfish twattish H.

Say yes to your family then say to MIL there won't be room because your family are staying. It's perfectly true and fine.

Your MIL can still come for the day or overnight in a hotel if she likes?

You didn't mention kids initially - it makes more sense now, that she wants to see them. But it's still a no. You need to be firm so there is no chance he assumes it'll happen another time.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, he’s taking the piss.

I could just see you going off to a spa or ladies break for five days and leaving him with the kids and your mother.

what a joke!

This

He sounds a right wanker. Do not give in to him.

Just say NO!

It kinda sounds like he wants someone there to keep an eye on you when he's away, especially as this has happened before too. He needs to butt out and you need to put your foot down. You're seeing your family, if he wants his mum to see the kids then he needs to be there.

Don’t even engage in the conversation any more, just say lol every time he says it would be nice for her to stay. He could always cancel the golf trip and stay with her if he feels it would be so nice to see her.

As soon as you said Golf I knew it was going to involve an unreasonable request!

Wonder why?

Just say "no, I wouldn't expect you to host my dad if I go away with my mum. This isn't happening"
How about he takes his mum with them and she can just relax around the hotel all day.

You have your own family to stay.

It's really unreasonable of him to think you want to host your MIL instead of your family. I truly hope he fully accepts your decision and doesn't try to persuade you otherwise.

Ridiculous.

I'd say very calmly, 'I won't be hosting your mother whilst you are away. Primarily because I don't want to, but also because it's a good opportunity to actually see my own family. In fact, I may go over to stay with them for a break whilst you are having a lovely holiday with your Dad. Or I might just book myself a few days somewhere once you get back'.

even the idea of this makes me want to stay single for ever

Tough. You’re not children claiming dibs on the front seat. You’re adults.

did he check whether dates were convenient to you, whether you were ok with him buggering off for 5 days before he’d confirmed and booked it with his father?

you are entitled to spend these 5 days as you see fit. Go away yourself for a few days if you want. He’s spending a minimum (and potentially a huge amount more) of £50 a day on golf, plus eating out, and accommodation. And if what you’re any is having your family to stay while he’s not even there, then its up to you.

you’re not his mums babysitter. And even if you were he has no right to book a trip away until he’s confirmed with you that you’re happy with the arrangement and how no other preferred plans.

sod that.

So he kills three birds with one stone - gives his dad a good time by taking him away, makes sure his mum has company and gets to see the grandkids (again) and makes sure you don't get to do anything for yourself or spend time with your family.

He is a selfish, controlling pig. Stand up for yourself. He doesn't get to decide what you do when he is away enjoying himself by inviting his mum first.

100%

Just say no, she's not your responsibility to host and entertain and you won't be doing it on your time. He can stay home and host her or invite her to go with him and his dad.

I did say that, if he had the choice he would prioritise seeing his family, and he said “I got in first, I asked first about my mum staying first”

Is he 12??
What adult says that with a shred of seriousness?

Im absolutely with you and everyone else here. You host your family - especially given that you only see them 4 times a year.

"That only works if YOU are here to host her, DH."

You're married to an arse.