To want to see my own family instead of hosting in-laws when husband not here?

[BrainAddled]

Husband is going on a golf trip away with his dad for 5 days. He wants me to have his mum here with me, while he and his dad go golfing. She is not easy going and I won’t be able to relax and go about my life normally. She is not infirm or unable to stay at home on her own - They live in the same village as my husband's sister, who is always on hand anyway.
My family want to come and stay that week and I would like them to. AIBU to want to see my family instead, when he is going golfing with his Dad?
I would really like to know how many people on here host their in-laws when their husband is not there at all. I’ve had them on my own for a week before, when husband wasn’t even in the country, but it takes a lot from me because they are not easy going at all.
Thank you.

He’s going to be away so what you do during that time isn’t his concern. See your family or whoever you want instead and he can arrange a time for his parents to visit when he’s actually going to be there. Bit of an odd request for him to ask you.

I did say that, if he had the choice he would prioritise seeing his family, and he said “I got in first, I asked first about my mum staying first”

But has he explained why? It's such an odd concept if she's not ill and in need of care.

He can arrange for his family to visit when you have a trip away

omg someone captured it above, if roles were reversed, would you DH be hosting your dad if you went away with your mum? no he wouldn't. Tell DH to do one, whether it be his guilt surrounding his mum being alone while he's off on a jolly or not, MIL can't come to you as you already have plans to host your own family. dont even say sorry, you're not sorry, you've simply made other plans.

So you ofte have to subjucate your own wants and needs to him. And, in a situation like this, where it is in NO way a "first come first serve" sort of arrangement, which most of us can see, he thinks because he said first, that's it, you have to do it?

I am starting to sense some deeper issues here frankly.

This has no relevance whatsoever. He doesn't get a say in what you do when he's away. None at all.

No way. How bloody dare he try to tell you what you’ll be doing while he’s off on holiday?

No. That's insane, and your husband is being a prick.
If he wants his mum to stay, he can stay home and have her visit whilst you go away for a week.
It's not up to him how you spend your time.

He said “it would be nice to see her” but he’s not going to be here..
and she would like to see the kids.
we have just seen them 2 weeks ago.

Which is an absolutely normal occurrence

He's doing what he wants

You do what you want

I hope you're not giving in

He needs to grow up.

This isn't about bagsies

Start putting you first then

Are there consequences if you don't put him first?

'Oh but she'll miss you! I think it's best you're here when she visits. Surely you want to be here too?'

I’m not. I need to assert myself a bit more I think, rather than always doing what makes him happy, as sometimes it makes me unhappy.

I think this just needs to be a very firm no. And if he pushes, say if he insists this will be the last time you agree to childcare while he is off on a jolly.

You are facilitating his social life-he doesn't get a say what you do to make that happen.

Equally I go away a lot with my friends-but I don't try to control what my husband does with my kids then!

He’s a dick. Can you go and stay with your family rather than them come to you? But leave the day before he leaves so there isn’t an option for MIL to stay with you.

He can’t assuage his guilt for taking his DF away by dumping his mother on you!
tell him you too are off on a jolly and won’t be home ( then have your mum over)

I can't imagine living in any universe where this arrangement would be suggested by my husband. The idea is laughable.

Does your DH often make decisions for you?

It sounds to me like he wants to make sure you're not having too much fun while he's away, so by installing his mum to babysit you won't be able to go wild.

I've been married over 20 years, I absolutely adore my MiL and I've never hosted her while DH has been away.

It’s not about who got in first - it’s about what is pleasant for you while he’s away. Get him told!!

Is he 6? He baggsied it by saying it first?

He is a cheeky fucker. Don’t entertain this, he doesn’t get to dictate this, he’s so far out of line it’s breathtaking.

I think to avoid being bulldozed you need to message or call your MIL directly to let her know DH mentioned her coming round to stay but your family are coming and as she can imagine, you are looking to catching up with them as you don’t see them often, but big thanks for being willing to help out! ♥️

Aaah, so MIL wants to fill her time by seeing her grandchildren while her DH is away. Obviously, as you want your family to visit, this is a no go. even if you didn't want yoru family to visit, this would only be a sensible option if your MIL is the type to get stuck in, spend lots of time with them, help out and who you genuinely got on with.

Let's be honest - for most of us, no matter how much we love our partners, a few days with them away is bliss! We'd need a really good incentive to get someone else in during tha ttime.

Just say no.
You are inviting your family who you get to see less often, and he doesn’t get to bog off on a jolly with his Dad AND be the boss of what you do while he is gone!

‘he asked first’ - how ridiculous, he doesn’t have first dibs on YOUR time.

OP, this really is not a normal expectation.

Agreed - this is not normal at all. My DH would not dream of doing this.