Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

[pinkerline]

Boyfriend lives with his parents (the save for a deposit) 5 min drive away, finishes work around 7-8pm usually.

I live alone with DS age 5.

Boyfriend popped over last night for a couple of hours, and said he'd come over again tonight.

Usually we'd get to spend two nights a week together, but we're both away this weekend.

He has now cancelled, as he is going to spend the night with his mum as she spent last night on her own. This is because boyfriend's dad is away for work this week.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous reason? Maybe I'm insensitive.

Is there the chance that mum is a cover story for him seeing someone else?

Is that what you're worried about?

Yep
This is a plus point

It all sounds a bit needy by you.

He LIVES WITH his mother! How much more does he need to see of her?

I'm assuming that got DH lives with you

Really? They've been together four years and she only gets two nights a week with him as it is, while he actually lives with his mother, so hardly needs a cosy mother and son date night with her....

Something's off about this.

I'm the first person to say if someone is being needy or clingy or controlling but this is the opposite. It sounds as if the OP has been pretty accommodating for far too long. Where is this relationship going, after four years if he lives close by and yet only visits two evenings a week and doesn't feel bad about cancelling one of those? What on earth is he doing for the other five evenings?

I suspect the OP doesn't want to rock the boat in case she gets dumped, but I think she might be clinging on to something not very solid to start with. My DS is 24 and he's been with his GF for four years too. They are absolutely joined at the hip. No way would he live round the corner but only bother to visit twice a week.

OP do you ever go out together, either just the two of you, or with your son, or with mutual friends? Is he involved with your family? Do you spend Christmases together?

Or does your entire relationship pretty much consist of him visiting you a couple of nights a week at your place?

How do you not know his mum well enough to visit for a couple of hours after four years?

I think you need to find someone who actually cares about you.

I think a grown man who lives with his parents can leave his mum for a couple of hours to visit his girlfriend while dad is away for a couple of days.

I am not sure that into you if he can forgo the twice weekly meet ups. I’d wonder if there is someone else or if he’s just treading water with you.

I suspect this is a lie

Have you RTFT? They've been together 4 years and he still lives with his parents. They also blocked OP when she had a miscarriage. Needy? I don't think so.

Are you 24 too- or younger/ older?

Honestly, I think you need to cut him free.

Taking on a single parent at 20 (him) is (IMO) not the best thing. He's got a lot of living to do .

If you've been together from when he was 20 and you already had a child then, he's not really got much dating /life experience.

You don't say you're saving 'together' for a home.

It sounds very casual and definitely not going anywhere.

That’s young to take on a child. Is that why there is a difficult relationship with the family?

I have 5 sons, all grown up now and they have never once stayed in specifically to keep me company because I'm alone. Their dad has always worked away so spending evenings alone is pretty normal for me (and I like it) I think it sounds like an excuse not to come to see you to be honest. He probably wants to have a lazy evening to himself and have his mum cook and clean up after him!

Rude.

Bit dramatic to be this annoyed at him wanting to stay home for a night.

Maybe the family don’t like you because you come across as controlling?

I was thinking she must be a little old lady who is perhaps bed bound and never gets out to see people!!!!!

But she's 55 and goes out to work.

As someone whose husband is verging on being a mummy's boy ... be careful!!!

I have already posted about it more than once before, people will be sick of hearing about it.

That's why I didn't put it in the OP.

I haven't held him back in any way.

He's had countless nights out, holidays with friends, all the usually stuff. He went travelling across Asia for six months.

Taking on a single parent has had no impact on how his early 20's have gone.

I'm the opposite of controlling.

I also haven't told him I'm disappointed that he has cancelled. I told him it was fine.

His family don't like me because I had the audacity to get (very accidentally) pregnant, whilst on the copper coil.

I have felt how many of the posters here do.

That to him it's just a FWB, he's not that interested etc.

I have tried to tell him that's more than ok, but he is insistent he wants a future with me. He's the one pushing for marriage, children etc.

Jeez they've been together 4 years. 'Someone else's child' wtf?

I'd be miffed too...he's cancelling (and leaving you on your own) at short notice so his mother doesn't have to watch a film at home on her own? Not a great excuse.

I think you should look at what a man does rather than what he says. He says he wants marriage and children but seems to pop round twice a week for sex after 4 years. He is seemingly not bothered by the fact his family, whom he lives with, has blocked you after an unplanned pregnancy due to contraceptive failure two years ago.

I get that he is young but so presumably are you. I still don't quite see how this is meant to progress. He hardly sees you and his family, at best, don't like you.

Why don’t you just use your agency instead of letting him drive when he appears so uninterested. Just move on. Are you a lot older than him?

We're the same age

You do have a choice in all this. You do realise this, correct?

Stop being a passenger in your own life. Get rid of the mummy's boy.