Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

[pinkerline]

Boyfriend lives with his parents (the save for a deposit) 5 min drive away, finishes work around 7-8pm usually.

I live alone with DS age 5.

Boyfriend popped over last night for a couple of hours, and said he'd come over again tonight.

Usually we'd get to spend two nights a week together, but we're both away this weekend.

He has now cancelled, as he is going to spend the night with his mum as she spent last night on her own. This is because boyfriend's dad is away for work this week.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous reason? Maybe I'm insensitive.

Look, i'm almost 60. That might seem ancient to you but i can quite assure you I live a full and independent life. It really is not normal for a woman in her 50s not to be able to manage an evening alone.

All us oldies want to see our sons find a lovely partner to look after our boys!

What else has he done?

@Sceptical123 - the OP has said it isn't his mum who has asked her bf to stay this evening - it is his decision.

I have health issues which make every day living very difficult (long covid) - I can't stand long enough to cook a proper meal, and just feeding the dogs leaves me shaking with fatigue - but I wouldn't expect any of the dses to stay in with me, if they had a date. I'd find ways to cope with doing what needed to be done, so they could go and live their lives.

We are assuming it's the truth and not an excuse!

Though my 16 year old uses me an excuse to get himself out of things he doesn't want to do

If things were fine between you, you were getting on well, trusted him, and looked forward to whatever kind of future together that you are wanting, mightn't this sudden decision to keep his mum company be a bit surprising and disappointing but rather sweet? But it sounds more as if this yet another example of him not making a commitment to you and covering it with feeble excuses, which is really upsetting. I hope you find a way through this.

I know you probably meant it positively but I presume your boys should not need a partner to “look after them”!

@YellowphantGrey - yes, i see the thread has moved on since i last posted! I hadn't brought myself up to speed, just saw someone quoted me.

Agree it is an excuse.

I think he's doing a nice thing. However, I'd be concerned that his mum was quite needy and emotionally blackmailing him to stay with her. I know a mum who was like this with her adult son. When he finally plucked up the courage to leave home, she almost had a breakdown!

Lol! You know what i mean! We mums do love our boys! So it is nice when we see our sons with a partner that they really click with. I was thinking of my DS1 when i wrote that - he has an amazing partner. She is much better for him than i ever was! She's so patient and loving towards him. Great to see.

why shouldn’t he keep his mother company?! Maybe he (shock horror) enjoys his mother’s company and vice versa?! Honestly what is wrong with our society???
I mean maybe he’s making an excuse because he doesn’t want to see OP, but I can’t for the life of me see how one could infer that from this one example with no other context?

Wasn't expecting 4 years as the reply, you're not being unreasonable. Wtaf with that update?! When a man doesn't support you after a miscarriage that's the real man you are seeing.

He's been a monumental dick for at least a couple of years. You and your child deserve more than this in your life. 4 years and he lives that closeby, you should be seeing each other most days. If he isn't prioritising you by now, he's not going to.

Save yourself from any more of this teenage level boyfriend.

Lol what?
Choosing gf over mum each timw is normal if he is teen.
Adults do spend time with their family.

I would be very concerned about a bloke who does not want to spend timw with his family if you plan to become family with him.
He would soon ditch you over going with friends or someone else. Obsession with current love interest does not last forever (sadly).

She said it was not the mom’s idea. She had plans to stay in alone and watch a movie!

Could be a massive red flag.
Could be a massive green flag.

Only time will tell!

Maybe he fancied finishing work and going home to relax? His mum might be an excuse, and he might not have fancied a night with someone else’s child?

My son would be asleep by the time he was here

What a clusterfuck.

Sorry, I missed that

No-one is saying he shouldn't care about his mum or enjoy her company but he still lives in her house. It sounds as if he sees her very regularly as it is.

He only sees his partner two evenings a week after four year together, and he cancels one of them this week so his mum doesn't have to spend the evening on her own because her husband is away.

Whereas the OP clearly spends most nights of the week on her own, and he doesn't seem too bothered about that.

That's the issue. It's weird that some people on this thread just can't see it. It makes me wonder if they are that kind of mother.

Although you did seem to think he was being a dick about this, so your radar might be a bit off.

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I often encourage my husband to see and do more for his mum who is alone. You saw your DP the night before so it’s not as his mother is claiming all of his time.

You've been together four years, half way through your relationship you miscarried an unplanned pregnancy & his family blocked you? For having the temerity to miscarry? Tbh it wouldn't matter if you aborted, that's just revolting behaviour from them. And he's just gone along with that?

You don't live together.
He's saving for a place for him (presumably).
You see one another two nights a week.

Honestly this sounds like a poor excuse for a relationship. What do you get from it?

He lives with his mother and I guess sees her every day, he's barely seen the OP this week and won't be seeing her at weekend...I'd be pissed off with that.

I'd be seriously rethinking this 'relationship' OP, he's not making time for you and after 4 years, it's going nowhere

They blocked me because I was pregnant, it was prior to the miscarriage.

Time to all it a day, OP? That is truly appalling behaviour on their part!