Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

[pinkerline]

Boyfriend lives with his parents (the save for a deposit) 5 min drive away, finishes work around 7-8pm usually.

I live alone with DS age 5.

Boyfriend popped over last night for a couple of hours, and said he'd come over again tonight.

Usually we'd get to spend two nights a week together, but we're both away this weekend.

He has now cancelled, as he is going to spend the night with his mum as she spent last night on her own. This is because boyfriend's dad is away for work this week.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous reason? Maybe I'm insensitive.

and here comes the drip feed.....

How long have you been together? Does his mum have health problems?

I think its nice he is close to his mum.

He's a dick and he's also not that into you.

You know what you need to do, so do it and stop wasting your time.

YANBU at all. I think it's strange enough that a grown adult still lives at home, but assuming there is a genuine reason (i.e. saving up for a deposit etc), then fair enough short term, but it's even more strange he feels a need to stay home to keep her company just because her partner is away temporarily. Massive red flags all over it. I'm assuming she had no care needs nor disabilities!

What happens if her partner leaves her or if he dies? Is your boyfriend going to stay home forever to keep her company?

In which ways has he been a dick?

Is this a long term relationship OP because I would run from this guy. Boyfriends with needy mums are a pain and she definitely sounds like one. I’ve been there, trust me, it won’t get better.

Why would she do that?

there's a few things missing to be able give a better opinion... how long have you guys been together? is BF your babies daddy? and is BF Dad away often or is this a one off?

if you have only been together a few months, then i don't think it's unreasonable for him to stay home and keep his mum company especially as you have added that in your eyes he's been a bit of a dick recently.

if he is you babies daddy, then there's an element of perhaps his priority should be more focused on his child than his mum.

and finally, if dad being away is a new thing, then i don't think its unreasonable for him to want to keep him mum company if she is not used to being home alone.

but as i've said, there's things we really need to know first.

What's he done?

How long have you been together?

How old is he?

Maybe his mum and he are doing something that they can't normally do when his dad is there or maybe she's asked him to do something for her. Rather than give you a full breakdown he's just said sorry and he's spending time with his mum. He saw you yesterday, not like it was a week ago.

No she doesn't, she's 55 and works full time.

I think that's lovely. My dsd has offered to come over and keep me company when her dad was away, very thoughtful I thought. Young people aren't all bad!

But he lives with his mum, she'd have been on her own for a couple of hours!

I'd be pissed off too OP, you hardly see him as it is

Really? And what happens when he and OP are married, living together with kids, will he run back home everytime his father travels so his mother is not alone for 2 nights?

His mother is so fragile that she can't stay at home alone for 2 days and must be babysat at all times by either her husband or son?

I'd give anything to spend another evening with my mum. I'd only be concerned if this was a regular thing, him not prioritising you. As a one off I'd let it go.

On another note, I don't see why other posters seem to think it's weird a 'grown adult' lives at home with his parents. This a really really normal thing now days considering how much it costs to rent, how low some wages are and how hard it can be to save enough to move out. The OP hasn't mentioned how old either of them are and has mentioned he's saving for a deposit.

As a mother of three sons, I would be irritated if they cancelled on their gf to spend the evening with me.

Op, how else has he been a dick recently?

Not an intentional drip feed. The instances of dick headed-ness are really irrelevant to this tbh. Just allowed it to cloud my judgment

How has he been a dick?

check his story out. find some excuse to pop over

4 years

Well, you could say ‘isn’t it nice he cares so much about his mum?’

But you could also think it’s a bit weird. or that he’s just not that bothered about you.

I’d steer clear of an adult man who is too fond of his mum. And I have 2 grown up sons!

No she doesn't, she's 55 and works full time

This makes it all the more odd. She's not an old lady. Indeed she's the same age as me and I'm a lone parent to a 13 yo boy. Even in 10 years time I wouldn't be asking him to sit with me to keep me company. I'd throw this one back in, he's not cut the apron strings.

I'd roll my eyes at that tbh 😂

Yeah, I'm with you OP. I'd find that really odd and off putting.

How long have you been together?

It's either nice, or his mother is controlling. If the latter, I would run.