Boyfriend cancelled to spend time with his mum

[pinkerline]

Boyfriend lives with his parents (the save for a deposit) 5 min drive away, finishes work around 7-8pm usually.

I live alone with DS age 5.

Boyfriend popped over last night for a couple of hours, and said he'd come over again tonight.

Usually we'd get to spend two nights a week together, but we're both away this weekend.

He has now cancelled, as he is going to spend the night with his mum as she spent last night on her own. This is because boyfriend's dad is away for work this week.

AIBU to think this is a ridiculous reason? Maybe I'm insensitive.

As a mum to adult sons with a husband that works abroad 1 week in every 4 I definately not want them to cancel a date. I love that I can have the remote to myself/read a book, cook whatever I like, I enjoy the peace and quiet and "me" time. Is boyfriend using his mum to just not see you? It also depends on the reasons for his dickishness. It is a bit odd though. Are his family co - dependant on each other ?

Then dump him for that!

Assuming it was your boyfs baby I honestly don't think that makes them any better. Worse if anything. That's incredibly sad to me, you deserve better I'm sure

Still unclear whether the DS is his or not

Either way:

You're just an occasional shag op. He's saving for his own place, and prefers seeing his mother to you.

Move on and find a proper bloke

I think you have misread the posts OP.

Most posters are saying he was being unreasonable to choose an evening in with his mum rather than seeing you.

Where is your relationship going?

After 4 years it seems to be nowhere if he's saving up for his own house.

How old is he?

I think if you’re not happy in general then it’s time to walk away, but wanting to spend time with his mum isn’t a crime and I wouldn’t think that was terrible.

I don't think theres anything wrong with this. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter that he wanted to stay in for a home cooked meal with his mum? Unless you're worried that theres something else going on then I'd leave it. Maybe his mum just misses his dad and was a bit low when he got home last night.

Sorry, DS is not his.

The plan is to move in together.

He's 24.

Is this the best you think you can do? Is he what you want for the rest of your life? What a grim prospect.

Have to agree with this, does he sound like he'd be a good step-dad to your son?

His mother is 55 and works full time but he feels the need to keep her company when her partner is away and cancels you, even though he lives with her. Come on, that's a pathetic excuse
4 years in and you get 2 nights of his time a week and the whole family treat you appallingly at a very sensitive time of miscarriage.
You can do way way better. Are you afraid that you won't find another partner as a single parent or of the effort of having to be open to forming a new relationship. Time will just slip by and you'll still be treated like this.
Time to dump and move on. There's loads of opportunities out there to make yourself feel good and not.put up with this rubbish.

That’s pretty shitty too though. Even worse. Why do you want to be with him / in this “relationship” where after 4 years you only get to see him 2 days a week?

@pinkerline Bless you, OP. If you were my daughter I would be urging you to chuck this one back into the sea. Can you truly imagine being part of a family that block you because you had a miscarriage? Think on that, please. It would not be good for your mental health and self esteem in the long run. And think of the message it is giving your son about how to treat women. You are worth way more than this. Think of the past 4 years as a lesson in how you do NOT want to end up for the rest of your life. Wishing you all the very best.

Please would you put into context - what's the monumental dickishness about? It's just enough of a drip feed to stop me giving an opinion on what you've said.

Also you say him being a “bit of a dick” is not relevant but it really is to look at the collective of his behaviour towards you.

Is that all? I'd had visions of you both being at least 30. How old are you?

To be fair, most 24 year olds still live at home and can't afford to do otherwise. I suppose it's a good thing that he hasn't moved in with you and your son full time, given how young he still is. And I guess this explains his mum's lesss than thrilled reaction to you getting unexpectedly pregnant, if he was only 21 or so when it happened and you'd already had a child with someone else.

Does he go out much with friends on the two evenings a week when he's not with you? I am sensing he's not ready for a commitment and might be treating you more like a long term FWB than a serious partner. Especially as you still don't spend any time with his family, after four years.

What is the backstory behind them blocking you after the miscarriage? And why/how is he being a dick lately?

You've misread, he's with the OP 2 nights only, not away from her for 2 nights,

The OP clarified that they blocked her when she became pregnant and before the miscarriage. They may have been particularly upset because he was so young (given that he's only 24 now).

He's 24 !!! and only usually sees you 2 nights a week ? do you mean weeknights i.e. Mon-Fri or in a whole 7 day week ?

What does he do the other 5 evenings...

and he was even younger when you got pregnant.

I think that is highly problematic though. Unless she got pregnant with another man’s baby when dating their son - while block her?

This.

What’s his relationship like with his mum? Sounds a bit co dependent between them to me

Thanks, but no, I didn't misread it, I knew he was only with her 2 nights a week, I just accidentally mistyped 2 nights instead of 5, for that post.

So he has five nights a week when he's doing what, exactly? Sitting indoors with him mum and dad, saving his money to buy him and the OP and her son a house?

Or going out and being like most other 24 year olds, because he doesn't have a child at home to worry about? I think he's fallen into a cosy routine of FWB sex and a home from home when he wants it, with the OP, but I don't see him making a proper commitment. I wouldn't be surprised if he's living the life of a single bloke while she's at home on her own five nights a week.