Was my weekend guest rude?

[KerryBay]

I hosted my friend for the first time at my home this weekend, they stayed for 3 nights. Each of these days my partner cooked breakfast, lunch, and dinner except for one time out for lunch and dinner. Not one of these home cooked meals did they thank me or my partner for preparing them or that they enjoyed it.

Additionally, any free moment spent at the house or when driving with them, they spent buried in their phones playing random games or on social media. If they weren’t on their phones, it was sitting by them the entire time and they would check it constantly or be texting random friends of theirs instead of talking to me. It surprised me as times I have spent with this friend prior at their home they not once did this with their phone.

Lastly, I have a young child who was very excited to see them and I told them in advance she would want to talk to them a lot and show them her stuff. They did say they have very little experience with children, however they acted like any moment my child wanted their attention, it was almost painful for them to engage with her. It didn’t seem to really register with my child, but it hurt my feelings as my child was being very typical for her age and being excited for having a new friend (for her) over at her home. They would still engage with her but I could tell it was very forced, and they did not want to be doing so, it seemed to bring them no joy and instead annoyance. When my child was not present, they would make comments like “thank god she left, that’s exhausting!”. It felt inappropriate to me and I felt guilty for my child being a child.

Some things they did do that were considerate were they made their bed when they left, they did seem to “try their best” to engage with my child despite doing so begrudgingly, and they did pay for our appetizer at dinner.

All things considered though I found myself after they left feeling a little resentful for how they treated my family and I, but I also wonder if I am overthinking it? Thank you in advance for your input.

I also think it was a little cheap only paying for appetisers when they basically just had a free 3-day all-inclusive mini-break. Did they bring anything when they turned up? Wine, a gift for your little girl?
I too would have been really hurt if someone had commented about my child like that. If you don’t do well around children, don’t stay at their houses!

I think using 'they' and 'them' is quite ridiculous in most cases. The vast majority of us are either male or female.

I disagree. You can be polite (albeit he sounds like he was rude in other ways) and not play with, read to, or watch performances of other people’s children. Your child can also learn that other people are not always going to want to entertain them. And that’s ok.

I'm saying this as someone with no massive aptitude or liking for kids: How hard is it to sit and read a book to a little kid for a bit?

In the OP's scenario, if he really couldn't bring himself to read (to the child of his host, who's meant to be a friend and who was putting him up and feeding him, but OK), he could have handled it much better; rather than just sitting awkwardly he could have said e.g. 'I bet Mummy's a better reader than me; shall we ask her?' and kind of telegraphed to you that he'd rather you did it. And maybe joined in a bit once the OP was reading.
He just sounds like a great useless lump with, as my mum would say, nothing about him.

Yep (if he knew to do that which he might not if he’s not familiar with kids) or the parent could have directed her elsewhere which is what I used to do with my child when he was bothering people who weren’t interested/didn’t know what to do.

How 'familiar with kids' do you need to be to be able to subtly rope in the kid's parent/indicate that you're not sure what to do?
Or he could have just said to the parent, 'Maybe you should take this' – the kid is hardly likely to notice or mind.
It's just basic initiative/common sense.
I'll say it again: he sounds like a useless lump.

Before I had my own children I didn’t know how to engage with other people’s kids. It was a lack of confidence. There’s a lot of pressure when you are trying to make friends with a child you have no experience of when you are being observed by the expert - their mum.
Now I know what kids generally like to do I am happy to engage but previously I felt worried I would do something to upset them.
With our own children we get to know them privately over a long period of time. We sometimes get it wrong but then we have plenty more chances to get it right.
So I wouldn’t be too hard on her about how she reacted to your child.
Not sure about the other stuff. I’m sure she was grateful. It can be hard to be in someone else’s home. Maybe with the phone games she thought you were busy with house stuff and so was trying to keep herself entertained until you were free.
I think cooking meals for guests is a given. I don’t expect people to say thank you after every one.

Before I had my own children I didn’t know how to engage with other people’s kids. Did you go and stay with them and be insulting about their children?

Exactly this.
Lack of confidence. Poor lamb
I presume people saying stuff like this are otherwise socialised and functioning adults; why do small children particularly cause them to suddenly lose all capacity?
Until recently I had little experience of kids, and I still don’t much like interacting with them in general. But I am absolutely capable of not saying disparaging things to their parents about them. And could this man, if he didn’t want to or know how to read to the kid, at the very least not even say, ‘You should step in here’ to the parent? I’ve said things along those lines, in a joking, ‘I’m a bit hopeless, help me out!’ way.

As for not saying thank you when your host has cooked for you, while it doesn’t need to be every meal I’m astounded that people think never showing any appreciation or commenting on the food is ok. And does it not ever just come up e.g. ‘Oh, I’ve never had potatoes like this, how do you do them, they’re nice?’?

Are you sure these people are your friends?!

Hi @KerryBay have you heard from your inconsiderate friend since he left? Just out of curiosity which town is it? Seems like a nice place to visit

They only paid for the starter not the whole meal? They should have done that, at least, as they had full board with you for several days. Wouldn't have them back, certainly.

So he invited himself over because you live somewhere nice? Didn't interact at all well? Didn't have any manners? Had no saving grace at all really except he made his bed? Well woop de doo - he'll not be terribly missed then, will he? Oh, and he should be UNMAKING his bed, stripping the sheets ready for washing! Mucky pup!