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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school

292 replies

biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:22

I'll try to keep it brief -

Kids came down with noro on Thur-sat. No symptoms since late sat evening.

One child puked on me. I'm now having noro symptoms and am physically too unwell to take them to school in the morning due to vomiting.

Their dad and I don't live together. He has a new baby with his new girlfriend. He's refusing point blank to take the kids to school in case the baby catches it and won't listen when I say the kids are now absolutely fine.

School is saying they must go in tomorrow if they're no longer ill.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Genuinely can't tell if I'm BU at the moment or if he is.

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 16/09/2024 20:23

How old are the kids, how far is school from your home / his home?

Original poster
biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:24

They're 7 & 9. It's a ten min drive and isn't walkable due to the nature of the roads (rural school)

Their dad lives about 15 mins away from me and about 20 from the school.

OP posts:
TerrifiedandWorried · 16/09/2024 20:25

Just tell school that you are too ill to take them and that he has refused. He is being unhelpful, they will know he is a wanker.

LostTheMarble · 16/09/2024 20:25

Tell him that the fine they receive under the new rules will be directed to him alone.

Original poster
biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:26

This is his latest message. The school has already been on my case today because they weren't in.

Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school
OP posts:
5475878237NC · 16/09/2024 20:27

Will he share the cost of a taxi fee?

Original poster
biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:27

5475878237NC · 16/09/2024 20:27

Will he share the cost of a taxi fee?

He won't even pay for school shoes for them.

OP posts:
AGirlInACountrySong · 16/09/2024 20:29

He's maybe got his child's mother on his case too

Notamum12345577 · 16/09/2024 20:29

LostTheMarble · 16/09/2024 20:25

Tell him that the fine they receive under the new rules will be directed to him alone.

It won’t be though. It is for both parents, even if they are separated and living separately. Even if one wants them to go to school

Choconuttolata · 16/09/2024 20:30

Are you well enough to drive them there, but a teacher take them from you at the car without contact with you?

Berga · 16/09/2024 20:30

If this is a small baby, then I dont think his concern is overly misplaced. One extra day off school won't make a difference.

Soontobe60 · 16/09/2024 20:30

If he has a new baby, I can understand where he’s coming from.

soupfiend · 16/09/2024 20:30

AGirlInACountrySong · 16/09/2024 20:29

He's maybe got his child's mother on his case too

Yes. Can you imagine the flip side of this

LostTheMarble · 16/09/2024 20:31

Notamum12345577 · 16/09/2024 20:29

It won’t be though. It is for both parents, even if they are separated and living separately. Even if one wants them to go to school

Show quote history

I know but even the threat of a fine might scare him. A new baby is a cost and a fine that could have been avoided is not going to please anyone.

@biohazardservant when you say he won’t pay for school shoes, do you get CM at all?

Violetmoonbeam · 16/09/2024 20:31

LostTheMarble · 16/09/2024 20:25

Tell him that the fine they receive under the new rules will be directed to him alone.

No kids in school. If you don't mind me asking, what new fines are these?

Areolaborealis · 16/09/2024 20:32

He's not unreasonable to not want to expose the baby if it can be helped.

If you're feeling that unwell, I would have saved myself the drama and just phoned school to say you've all got a bug - they'll be back when recovered.

Original poster
biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:32

I don't understand why he's refusing to take them in but is saying he'll pick them up and have them overnight.

I've been sick multiple times tonight and doubt I'll be any better in the morning. Kids are both absolutely 100% fine, no symptoms at all and the school is insisting they must be in tomorrow.

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 16/09/2024 20:33

Yeah if they have a newborn baby it’s understandable that neither he or nor she would want to be coming near your noro house let’s face it.

Id try be hook or crook to get them in yourself even if you set off stupid early to be able to stop lots.

I wouldn’t be surprised if his girlfriend has given an ultimatum and I 100% would back her.

HarraKiri · 16/09/2024 20:33

He's not going to help you. He's a twat, he should, but he won't.

So either you keep them at home with you tomorrow, while you're feeling appalling. Or you drug yourself up to the eyeballs, bring a bowl to vomit in, and get in the car to drive them, then rest all day in a quiet house, and take him up on his offer to collect them after school.

As a single parent with an equally useless ex, I've had a similar situation before. I told the school I would be driving into the school car park (not allowed for parents usually), and would hand the kids over to a teacher, as I wouldn't be able to walk them to the gate. School were fine with it, actually very nice and told me they would feed the kids breakfast if I couldn't.

LostTheMarble · 16/09/2024 20:33

Soontobe60 · 16/09/2024 20:30

If he has a new baby, I can understand where he’s coming from.

That now healthy children can’t sit in the back of his car with the windows open if he’s that paranoid in case he catches non existent germs? Hand sanitizer and antibac the car after if he’s really worried. Sounds like a slippery slope of excuses.

OhmygodDont · 16/09/2024 20:33

biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:32

I don't understand why he's refusing to take them in but is saying he'll pick them up and have them overnight.

I've been sick multiple times tonight and doubt I'll be any better in the morning. Kids are both absolutely 100% fine, no symptoms at all and the school is insisting they must be in tomorrow.

Presumably because if they can last a whole day at school and be away from you for 6 hours rather than straight out of your house into his car.

Spenditlikebeckham · 16/09/2024 20:34

Maybe when everyone has calmed down have a decent sensible chat and agree about sickness going forward.. When I had dc and dh had dc we areed (me and ex - the sensible ones) that any sickness /poonami the dc wouldn't be mixing....so he possibly missed out on his dc coming but she wasn't taking germs home or bringing any to us if she was ill. Worked well. No fuming about the nrp not pulling their weight etc. Was a simple case of less germ spreading.

5475878237NC · 16/09/2024 20:35

Presumably he wants to be sure they're symptom free and away from you so not just one big germ transfer?

TwilightSkies · 16/09/2024 20:36

Can you send them in a taxi?

PeachRose1986 · 16/09/2024 20:37

Just keep them off school, the school can’t ‘insist’ they go in. I understand this from your exes POV, tbh with a new lo. Just have a chilled duvet day with the kids tomorrow.