Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school

[biohazardservant]

I'll try to keep it brief -

Kids came down with noro on Thur-sat. No symptoms since late sat evening.

One child puked on me. I'm now having noro symptoms and am physically too unwell to take them to school in the morning due to vomiting.

Their dad and I don't live together. He has a new baby with his new girlfriend. He's refusing point blank to take the kids to school in case the baby catches it and won't listen when I say the kids are now absolutely fine.

School is saying they must go in tomorrow if they're no longer ill.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Genuinely can't tell if I'm BU at the moment or if he is.

When you're dealing with a contagious illness, that's just unfortunate. But he has a duty to protect the family/newborn he's actually living with.

Incorrect. He has a JOINT duty to protect the well-being of ALL children he is responsible for, not just the one he is living with.

He has flat out shut the OP down. No help, no compromise, no communication with school = no responsibility.

You are right. Any decent co-parent (that this man certainly isn't) will have the maturity to accept that while the relationship with the mother of his children has come to an end, at one point in life they liked each other enough to produce two children, who matter, and while he no longer wishes to be romantically involved with her, he should still respect her enough to not make her life harder than it is. That is just being an adult.

OP karma may catch up with this man-child and they will all get the bug right before they are about to go on holiday or something. (haha not usually that mean spirited but what he is doing is just plain nasty). I hope your kids got to school and that you are feeling better.

Surely his responsibility should be towards all of his children? I know the bar is low for men but this is wild.

Hope you're feeling better soon OP.

Well yes, and under normal circumstances he likely would.
But, in this instance, he's putting the needs of a newborn with no immune system before an infected household. Which is perfectly justified.

How do you think it works when you have multiple kids in the household?!

Make it clear that from now on you stop faciliating anything on his time. No clothes. He has to drop/pick up kids, open a case with the CSA if you haven’t already, and tell him to take it to court if he doesn’t like it.

I never ask him for anything but foolishly thought just this once he could actually give me a hand. Turns out not.

I have an ex just like it. It sucks. There’s no way to sugar coat any of it. You just have to push in through and be strong enough that it doesn’t matter anymore.

You only catch norovirus from the bodily fluids - it isn't like a cold where you breathe out the virus for a couple of days before you have the d&v. It's the diarrhea and vomit that is so contagious with noro/gastro bugs, so he won't have been exposed on the Wed/Thurs cos the kids hadn't expelled all the d&v at that point.

And they're not expelling it now. Both have been absolutely fine at school all day.

How did they get to school OP?

When I had Noro virus I fainted at one point (and woke up on the floor with my 2 year old wiping her nose on my dressing gown)
It's not like normal food poisoning. She really can't drive (it was stressful enough knowing I was in sole charge of a toddler).

Fair enough OP I hope you are feeling better

However you havent clarified how the school was 'on your case' on Monday given that the children were ill preceding the weekend, on what basis were they on your case and how?

He may be a shit, thats not what the thread is about is it, you asked if you were being unreasonable to expect he takes him and risks exposing his baby and the answer is yes. He has a small baby, your kids and you have had it in the house, just wait until its fully over.

If you had started a thread asking if you were unreasonable based on his usual shitness as a dad, well thats a different matter but thats not what you asked

He is picking up the kids from school. Why are the kids contagious in the morning but not the afternoon?

I second what @TeaAndCakeFTW has said. I’m actually shocked that anyone would say he’s being unreasonable and calling him names for not wanting to go anywhere near a house that’s had/has norovirus. It’s extremely contagious and the thing that’s really annoying me about your post OP is that you keep saying your children are ‘fine’. They might be symptom free, but as some have correctly said on here, Norovirus can be contagious for longer than 48 hours. It can be up to 3-4 days even without symptoms. My Dad is a GP and has confirmed this is true. AND even if the DC are well now, you are NOT. So even your ex coming to your house where the bug is still present, he’s potentially putting himself and his other family, including a baby at risk of a truly God awful illness. Have a word with yourself OP. You must have someone else who can help, a friend but then I doubt they’d want to put themselves at risk either. I think you’re really unreasonable.

He’s not being unreasonable and what you think about his inconsistencies don’t matter. I wouldn’t want norovirus anywhere near my family with a newborn.

I see you got them to school but for future ref ask the school what taxi firm they use.

He has a new baby, I’m with him on this one. Why would you want to put a new baby at risk, especially when they have an under developed immune system. Plus, if both parents go down with it they will struggle to look after the baby. He’s being very reasonable here.

People have already explained this over and over, they will have been at school all day and not straight from OPs arms as it were. I can understand why it feels slightly safer. It may be illogical or irrational but I do get it.

That makes no sense.

YANBU. The children are well enough for school, you are not well enough to take them. Therefore, their father needs to take them. The fact that he has another child is irrelevant, he still has an obligation to make sure his children attend school.

They should be off 48 hours after symptoms, so should be off Monday anyway? I think

I do understand how he feels, boy the schools are strict these days! These bugs spread like wildfire,the nicest children can be quite insanity washing hands etc. I'd have given them another day off to get rid of the bug. My grandson caught a tummy bug on holiday he's taken ages to shake it off,has been to school on and off.
Agree the dad should help though...if I was him I'd mask up to take them to school,disinfect the car after if he must!
Get well soon!

Sorry but I wouldn’t be risking my baby getting norovirus either