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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school

292 replies

biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:22

I'll try to keep it brief -

Kids came down with noro on Thur-sat. No symptoms since late sat evening.

One child puked on me. I'm now having noro symptoms and am physically too unwell to take them to school in the morning due to vomiting.

Their dad and I don't live together. He has a new baby with his new girlfriend. He's refusing point blank to take the kids to school in case the baby catches it and won't listen when I say the kids are now absolutely fine.

School is saying they must go in tomorrow if they're no longer ill.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Genuinely can't tell if I'm BU at the moment or if he is.

OP posts:
LostTheMarble · 16/09/2024 20:38

Violetmoonbeam · 16/09/2024 20:31

No kids in school. If you don't mind me asking, what new fines are these?

Show quote history

For every 10 sessions (5 days) of unauthorised absence a child has, the parents are fined £80/£160(after 28 days unpaid). So the children would be at 2 each tomorrow, obviously if the op continues to be ill it could build quickly or add to any other instances. Schools can note unauthorised absence for anything, couldn’t get one of mine to school one day as the roads were pure ice, every single other school closed in the area. Was still an UA.

Dunnoburt · 16/09/2024 20:38

Presume he is being cautious.....kids are contagious from the moment they begin feeling ill to at least 3 days after recovery. Some people may be contagious for as long as 2 weeks after recovery......I am an emetophobe though so would rather children weren't in school so soon......(I know about 48 hr rule of course so i guess you are not being unreasonable)

OneTwoTen · 16/09/2024 20:39

If he won't even pay for school shoes then he's obviously a wanker and you're well rid.

However, I'm a step mum and have been in exactly this situation when my DD was a few months old and DH's ex sent my DSD to us with norovirus. We all caught it and it was horrendous. My DD wasn't really sleeping anyway so having noro rip through our house when I was already sleep deprived just made everything so unnecessarily harder. It took me ages to recover as well and it all could have been so easily avoided.

School may well insist on them being in, but if you can't actually physically get them there then school will have to shut the fuck up and deal with it TBH.

HarraKiri · 16/09/2024 20:40

Just for the "send them in a taxi" posts - I tried to send my kids in a taxi once. Driver turned up, and said he wouldn't take unaccompanied kids without an adult for safeguarding reasons.

So I'd probably rule this one out as an option! It's either drive them yourself with a sick bowl on your lap, or keep them at home really.

LoubeighLough · 16/09/2024 20:41

I agree with him, I wouldnt want to risk bringing that into the house, they've only just had it and you've still got it.

lifebyfaith · 16/09/2024 20:42

HarraKiri · 16/09/2024 20:40

Just for the "send them in a taxi" posts - I tried to send my kids in a taxi once. Driver turned up, and said he wouldn't take unaccompanied kids without an adult for safeguarding reasons.

So I'd probably rule this one out as an option! It's either drive them yourself with a sick bowl on your lap, or keep them at home really.

No one should be driving if they are likely to be sick! Totally dangerous.

LoubeighLough · 16/09/2024 20:45

You know they are likely not fully over it.

Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school
redtrain123 · 16/09/2024 20:46

I’m guessing it’s his partners first baby, and she’s concerned, as any inexperienced , new
mum would be.

Hope you feel better soon.

BarbaraHoward · 16/09/2024 20:47

I think keeping anyone getting over noro away from a baby is fair enough, more so than almost any other dose. It's just so miserable.

Original poster
biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:47

They are totally and absolutely fine. No symptoms, full of energy, not a hint of d/v. They also slept at his on Wed/Thur last night so he's already been exposed.

OP posts:
K37529 · 16/09/2024 20:48

I would just tell the school that you are not well enough to take them. I don’t think he’s being unreasonable, it is very contagious, and he doesn’t want to make the new baby sick.

diddl · 16/09/2024 20:48

redtrain123 · 16/09/2024 20:46

I’m guessing it’s his partners first baby, and she’s concerned, as any inexperienced , new
mum would be.

Hope you feel better soon.

I don't think you need to be "inexperienced" to be concerned about a new baby & norovirus!

U53rName · 16/09/2024 20:49

He lost me at “ain’t”.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 16/09/2024 20:50

Goodness what a load of fuss over nothingness. Chances are you will be well enough just to drop that off tomorrow morning. If you’re not the t hey just get at home. What do you think the school are going to do send someone around to your house?

DaisyChain505 · 16/09/2024 20:51

He has the right to not want to purposely risk his new born baby getting the virus.

Berga · 16/09/2024 20:51

biohazardservant · 16/09/2024 20:47

They are totally and absolutely fine. No symptoms, full of energy, not a hint of d/v. They also slept at his on Wed/Thur last night so he's already been exposed.

He hasn't caught it then though I assume. He doesn't want to take a second chance. It doesn't sound like they had symptoms when they stayed Wed/Thurs?

TeaAndCakeFTW · 16/09/2024 20:53

This is one of the most unreasonable things I've seen on here, and that's saying something.

Exposing a new baby to norovirus ffs. Not a good look op.

Turbo4 · 16/09/2024 20:57

Sorry but with him having a new baby in the house I agree with him I wouldn’t want any contact with anyone who has had it until the whole house was clear of it.
im a single parent so know how hard it is having no help when unwell but School can not insist the kids go in tomorrow. If you are not actually being sick you can drive them and let them hop out when at school.

OhmygodDont · 16/09/2024 20:57

Your thinking of you op. His thinking of a little defenceless newborn which let’s face it won’t exactly have the immune system of a 6 year old to fight noro.

Yes if you all lived together with a newborn you’d have to suck it up and baby might get it. One of the plus sides to this is he doesn’t have to risk a newborn getting it. Just as if the children where with him and you had a newborn you could say no. Bugs stay in one house.

Opentooffers · 16/09/2024 20:57

Your DC's should not have been in today anyway as you need to be 48hrs symptom free. Just tell school it was Sunday their last symptoms, how are they to know? Unless you've blabbed about that already, in which case, a taxi or ask a friend.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/09/2024 20:57

You might be feeling better in the morning.

He’s right, I wouldn’t try and start a war over it, he’s stated his case, he’s happy to have them tomorrow afternoon.

MoonAndStarsAndSky · 16/09/2024 20:59

Sorry OP, noro is horrendous and I'm sorry you're having to cope with that alone and without support. I have to be honest and say in his position I wouldn't risk exposing a new baby to it either, I would want to wait until after you had all recovered.

See how you feel in the morning you'll probably be a lot better than now. If not and you can't take them then that's that.

Pandasnacks · 16/09/2024 20:59

If the kids were still ill Saturday then they couldn't have gone back today anyway surely? He's probably worried about interacting with your home and things you've touched when you are still ill and contagious

Purpleturtle46 · 16/09/2024 21:00

The NHS guidance is 48 hrs after you have last been sick so they shouldn't have been back at school today anyway.

KurtShirty · 16/09/2024 21:01

he is not being a wanker! Tell the school the situation and if necessary lie to avoid a fine because it would be unreasonable of them to fine you in this situation

nhs says - Stay off school or work until you have not been sick or had diarrhoea for at least 2 days. This is when you're most infectious.
Do not visit hospitals or care homes during this time.

note, this doesn’t mean they are not infectious after 2 days. No way would I allow someone who had just had Nora virus to be around a newborn .

get the school off your back, put some films on and take it easy with the kids for a day or two until you are well enough to take them yourself