Who is BU? Kids had noro, their dad is refusing to take them to school

[biohazardservant]

I'll try to keep it brief -

Kids came down with noro on Thur-sat. No symptoms since late sat evening.

One child puked on me. I'm now having noro symptoms and am physically too unwell to take them to school in the morning due to vomiting.

Their dad and I don't live together. He has a new baby with his new girlfriend. He's refusing point blank to take the kids to school in case the baby catches it and won't listen when I say the kids are now absolutely fine.

School is saying they must go in tomorrow if they're no longer ill.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Genuinely can't tell if I'm BU at the moment or if he is.

Noro is like a combination of a D&V bug plus the flu. I've never known anything like it, felt like I was dying.

So what do you suggest?

That the OP tells the school to take a hike.

I understand the concerns around persistent absenteeism, but schools are getting too big for their boots these days when it comes to insisting parents send unwell/infectious children in.

I’m sorry you are dealing with such a shit OP.

For what it’s worth. I don’t agree with PP saying they ‘understand because he doesn’t want to risk giving it to the new baby’ at all.

They are his shared children, and his shared responsibility. He is also responsible for their education, regardless of his changed circumstances. A new baby doesn’t mean he is no longer jointly responsible for his existing children. A new family shouldn’t mean his existing children have to suffer, or have a Dad that has ‘reduced’ his Dad capacity.

Yes, it’s a risk the new baby might catch it (albeit a very very minimal one and quite frankly a ridiculous excuse - as 48 hours sickness free, and the children are not in contact with new baby) and one he will just have to take.

Sending hugs and hope you don’t feel too horrendous x

It's a horrid situation OP, but my little one ended up in hospital because of norovirus - I understand them wanting to keep their distance.

Tbh OP i think if the shoe was on the other foot you’d be refusing too.

Tell the school to come collect them then?
My children's school would be ok under the circumstances

It is vile and highly contagious.My DP came back with it after a trip away. I tried so hard to avoid catching it but myself and DS came down with it by end of the week. If you take DC to A & E with it how do they protect the other patients and stop it going round the hospital?

Apparently that's a reasonable risk to expose the new baby to in order to avoid the OP's kids missing a day or two of school 🙄.

If he is unwilling to do it, then maybe he could be the one to make alternative arrangements?

Can he walk them to school masked up, and make no physical contact with them? He might already be infected anyway. Maybe he shouldn't handle the baby for a couple of days just in case.

It is probably one of the few benefits of having two homes. See also Covid.

Personally I think if the baby is literally a new born and mum is feeling all sore and stuff too then I think it's perfectly reasonable.

Just keep them off and say they are still unwell and you don't want to spread it. How do the school know they are well? Your ex is a dick.

There's other ways he could deal with it surely?

Ps. I think you were out of order to send them to school today. Now loads of kids are going to be puking up

With a small baby I understand him tbh. Noro can be really dangerous for them. Even if the kids are over it you still have it and you're in a house together so they will carry your germs on their clothes and stuff.
I guess you'll all just have to have a chilled day at home

Do you not think the teachers have other things to do other than transport children?

I would message the school and explain you have Noro and whilst your kids are recovered, as a single parent you have no-one to take them to school and cannot afford a taxi. Due to the vomiting etc you cannot drive them in and the only person you can ask is their Father and he has a new baby and he is steadfastly refusing to take the kids to school in case Noro gets passed to his newborn.

If they (the school) can offer an practical assistance or advice, it would be appreciated but failing that, the kids will need to stay off school with you which given your ill health, is really the last thing you want.

I have to say I do not get the Dads rationale though, he will collect them but not drop them off...will then be less contagious then??? He can pick them up without coming in the house surely?

Here's a thought, tell him to pick them up and look after them as you are too ill!

Ridiculous.

The OP is not ‘exposing a new baby to Norovirus’ FFS. She is asking the father of his two children to take them to school as she is unable to.

The children have at least 48 hours symptom free, are not in the house with the baby, and are not in any contact with the baby.

It’s a simple task of collecting two children who hop in the back of his car, and hop out at school. He can hand gel his hands if he’s so inclined. The children aren’t licking the bloody baby FGS.

He needs to learn to be there for his existing children and manage the complexities of a new family, not just ‘decline’ when conditions don’t suit. Those poor children.

Maybe he could come stay in the OP's house to take the kids to school so he doesn't have to go home to the baby?

Though he'd probably catch it himself then and having a vomiting ex in close proximity for multiple days is probably not going to aid the OP's recovery.

Look, I'm usually amongst those calling out deadbeat dads (and he may well one judging by what the OP has said). But if you're balancing a couple of days more off school for children who are probably still infectious against a tiny baby potentially ending up in hospital or worse, the sensible outcome is surely clear to most people.

They've got a new baby of course they're being cautious. Even if probably unnecessary.

You didn't actually need to tell the school they're fine until you had confirmed how you were getting them there. Another day or 2 wong do any real harm.

Why is the school on your back? Term has just started

Maybe he didn't want contact with op, didnt want to be in the house, she still has d&v, presumably gets kids ready for school, he might not want to expose his baby to any risk which I fully understand, I'd have kept them off school .

@ncforthis2024 they don't have 'atleast 72hours' symptom free, they were ill Thursday-Saturday. So end of today is 48 hours.

His partner has just had a baby and you think he should move out for a few days????

What about the OP though? She's going to be minding two children feeling like death?