To stop dating this man for this?

[Actuallyaperson]

Went on 7 really good dates with a guy. We had a really nice time and great chemistry.

Over the weekend was slept together for the first time and it was great. Admittedly, we did spend a lot of the weekend in bed, as two consenting grown-ups might do. I was definitely a very enthusiastic and consenting participant and had a good time.

The first text he sent me yesterday afternoon, however, was sex related. Not asking how my day was or what I was up to. No niceties. Just sex. We did chat about other stuff after that but it put me off.

I’ve just had another message from him this morning. No “good morning”, no formalities. Just talking about how he couldn’t wait to have sex with me again.

I was supposed to see him tonight for dinner but am short on time. We had talked about whether I might go to his place first, but I had made it clear it might not be possible.

When I reiterated today that it may just be dinner, he sent a list (A LIST!!!) of scheduling options so we could make the timing work to have sex before/after dinner.

I again reiterated that I really thought I’d only have time for dinner and he then proceeded to challenge me on why i couldn’t make the time, and why the suggestions in his “schedules” didn’t work.

Credit to him when I gave him another firm and pretty blunt “no”, he did apologise and said he was happy to wait for another time and just dinner would be lovely.

But now I really don’t want to see him for dinner either. It’s really put me off. I feel like I was a human being up to the point at which I slept with him, but now I’m just there for sex.

AIBU and over sensitive? Do I give him another chance?

Meet him for dinner and be very clear about what your expectations are and how the recent texts made you feel?

Yeah I agree, I would be upfront and say, look I loved having sex with you but it's about more than that for me, I hope for you too? He should be concerned at that and to want to adapt to your feelings.
It could just be that he is utterly bowled over, however I would make it clear to him that he needs to be romantic not too coarsely sexual only.

It's up to you if you want to stop dating him but if you want to give him another chance, you need an honest conversation about his new sex obsession and how it's turning you off.

Oh dear. On the one hand I understand the excitement of meeting someone you're very sexually compatible with and perhaps getting a little carried away. On the other hand if a man ever sent me a sex schedule I think that'd give me the infamous "ick".

It’s early days and already you’ve been put off. I’d call it a day and move on.

I'd be put off and would probably cancel tonight.

I wouldn't be sure that he wouldn't try and pressure me to go back to his after and that makes another awkward conversation because he can't accept the word no.

It's up to you though, I find once you've got the ick, it rarely goes away

Hmmm. So for him the first few dates were simply preparing for when he could have sex. He’s not unusual in that, most men it’s really all they think about. He’s being honest about it but totally off putting. Rather than saying he’d love to meet you for just dinner anyway, as he loves your company too. He’s just admitted All he wants is sex. 🤷‍♀️
If you want more (understandable), get rid. It won’t get better.

If he is this pushy in the early stages, I’d be worried. Have dinner if you like to set out ground rules and see if he’s just over enthusiastic, but if your instincts say no, then follow your gut.

Do this. Then follow your instincts.

I would probably be very direct and say something like ‘If all you’re interested in now is sex then I think we are looking for different things.’

His reaction should tell you whether he’s only in it for sex or whether he just really, really enjoyed the weekend and is a little over excited about repeating it, but does actually value you for you and just needs it pointing out how he’s coming across.

Well, back in the honeymoon dating phase with DP we were both trying to schedule time for bedroom fun! Seems like maybe you're not that into him? Or not as interested in sex? I dunno, if you don't wanna see him again just because of this then good luck in the dating field.

I get why you feel the way that you do.

I would assume he just thinks you’re on the same page as him, especially if you had a weekend in bed together.

I would say that you like him and you enjoy having sex with him but you want an actual relationship and not just one based around sex.

Tell him that sex for you is secondary to other parts of the relationship and you don’t want to feel like that’s the only reason he wants to see you.

He obviously really enjoyed it and maybe can't stop thinking about it, which is normal when 2 people have got together in the butterflies stage. Just tell him you really enjoyed it but you don't want everything to be about that, you still want dinner dates without expectation as before.

The problem with dating now is that things like 'the ick' and 'instincts' are all well and good in person but don't take into account text miscommunication. If you liked him for 7 dates and the sex was good, meet him for dinner, be blunt as in 'the weekend was great, but I
I'm looking for a lot more than just sex and messages arranging sex, what about you?'. Perhaps he got carried away. Maybe he's just flipped into pest territory. If he's been nice previously and has apologised I would give him the chance to redeem himself but only really the one chance, you're not looking for a teenage boy.

Unfortunately whether you agree with it or not, 7 dates is not enough to know a person properly and sleeping together so soon makes a lot of men put the woman in the sex only compartment and dismisses them as being relationship material.

You can argue away about it but it happens all the time and there are many posts on here of it happening over and over.

I would probably give him one more chance if there haven't been any red flags previously, and he very upfront about exactly what it is that has upset you and won't work for you moving forward.

This way he will have a clear understanding of your boundaries and how you wish to be treated, and is on notice that you will end it if he continues being pushy. (But you really have to follow through and end it if he doesn't change the behaviour).

I think it really depends on what the weekend was like... i mean if you were having one of those intense incredible can't keep doing it over and over again first sex weekends then it is completely understandable for communications to be really sex fuelled immediately after and to be desperate to do it again. Only you and him can know what the vibe was! I would talk to him over dinner and see how I feel. I think if he's feeling super bowled over and insanely physically into you now, and you're not, then that is a problem.

I wouldn't stop seeing someone for this if I liked them otherwise, but if you don't like him focusing on sex then you need to tell him. You spent the weekend in bed with him so he probably thinks you are quite keen on the physical stuff too.

Urgh no. This would absolutely gross me out too. I would tell him how he’s made you feel - then probably not see him again as I already have the ick.

You can ditch someone for any reason. I once got out of the bath to phone someone (pre-mobiles or I could have done it from the comfort of my bath) to end things as I realised he’d bored me on our last date. I have ended things because I didn’t like their taste in novels, or their shoes, or because the way they blew their nose annoyed me, or because we had incompatible sexual styles.

I’ve just had another message from him this morning. No “good morning”, no formalities. Just talking about how he couldn’t wait to have sex with me again.

I think this is a bit rude tbh. It shows to me that getting what's uppermost in his mind overrides his ability to consider others around him. Ans also that he is immature (in a way that some people grow out of) in assuming that what suits them, obviously suits everyone else so he has no need to think of you/ others as separate humans.

Hes coming across as self-centred and pushy. It might do him some good to hear you tell him this before you dump him though?

I was just going to say this too. In fact, we pretty much always ended up cancelling plans to stay in and have sex 😂

However I knew there was more to him, we knew each other before we got together, got on really well and had a laugh. Just fancied the pants off each other and constantly wanted to be in bed! But I loved the filthy texts we used to send each other every day!

We're still the same now but also best friends and about to get married 😊

Ultimately it comes down to whether you're on the same page or not and it doesn't sound like you are...?

...some.people grow out of and some people never do, I meant to write!

Sounds like me and my other half! It was all part of the fun, new and exciting getting to know each other. We've been together 6 years, have a child and still jump at the chance to get in bed together. If that initial spark isn't there, it signifies a problem IMO.

Yeah a bit off putting. But wouldn't make me end things- he's maybe just not realising he's doing it. See how things go for a little while longer