To go nc with Dsis over private school ?

[Maria1979]

For background: my older Dsis is a teacher (or was because she's working in another field now) and is against private schools. She has worked in ONE private school for three years and is an expert (according to herself) of how things are done in all schools whether private or not. She has got one DD who went in to the local secondary y7. My DS went in to private school y7 (they're the same age). Ever since she has not stopped with her comments on private schools. According to her they give out good grades because the parents are paying for it. The school we chose is not expensive compared to most and they have a waiting list and only take in children who are already "good students" just like grammar school so I told Dsis that maybe that's why the students got good grades. She would not hear about it. She keeps on praising her DD's school even though staff turnover is high and it's clear that my DS's school is better (pastoral, dedicated staff, well-mannered children etc). I don't tell her that, I just nod, smile and say I'm happy you're happy and leave it at that. She's not jealous; DStepM helped us out with the fees and said she would help Dsis too if she wanted it. Every single time we talk she has to put DS's school down. She has the decency to be subtle about it infront of DS but she still has to say something. I asked her to not be so negative about something she knows nothing about. My DS is highly sensitive and quite fragile and he would be a likely target for bullying in Dsis' DD's school. He is very happy about his school and I wish that she could just leave it.

I'm not exaggerating: every single time I see her she just has to make a snide remark. It's like she's mad at me for not making the same choices as she is. It's gotten to a point where I want to go nc with her because she always makes me so upset and I feel so defensive around her just waiting for her "remark of the day". So AIBU to go nc with her until she has accepted to stop putting down DS's school ?

Why do you have to go no contact? Why can’t you be mature enough to say that education is a topic that you won’t discuss and then be grown ups about your conversation.

I wouldn’t go no contact, but I’d shop inviting her over or seeing her socially.

Just tell her - we have made different decisions about schooling and that is fine. I would be grateful if you stopped bringing this up as it gets us nowhere. I will ignore you whenever you mention it.

It's a mega reaction to go NC over some comments about school.

Yes I’d just say we’ve made different decisions, for different children, so can you just let it drop.

You will need to be firm - in fact I’d ask her round or out for coffee and make it clear the invitation was specifically for the purpose of expressing this.

As for “giving out better grades,” external gcse results will soon clarify that one way of the other. She might be right; she might not.

I think you’re overreacting. Just tell her to stop, surely? She’s entitled to her opinion, but she should stop boring you by retelling you it ad nauseam. I’m completely against private schools, but I’m not going to say so unless you specifically ask.

this.

I think if you're at the point of considering NC then this Is just the straw that broke the camels back.
The rest of your realtionship can't be brilliant.

You are absolutly right to end something with someone who can't show you basic regard. She's either incredibly cruel and selfish or thick as shit not to understand you've told her to stop.

Either way I'd absolutely message her and say that as she can't stop this topic of conversation you won't be speaking to her further.

If I were the Dsis I’d honestly think that sounded like an eight year old having a tantrum.

Just tell her firmly to keep her comments to herself and that you're sick of hearing it. If she can't agree to differ and leave it at that, limit how much time you spend with her - why all the drama about going no contact?

People make comments like that when they are insecure about their own choices.

Would the cousins have gone to the same school if they had both gone state or private? If not, the comparison is pointless... you wete making different decisions.

Channel Mrs Brown, say "that's nice", and change subject!

Feels like a huge over reaction to go NC over a disagreement.

You lost me at the staff being dedicated at the private school which implies that they are not in the state system which everyone knows is bollocks . You get good teachers in state and private schools and poor teachers in both as well and yes we have used both . Sounds to me like the pair of you need to grow up

She's entitled to her opinion.

Why can't you speak up and say that you don't want to discuss it and then change the subject every time.

I can't understand why you nod and smile yet seethe away underneath and then decide to make a complete mountain out of a molehill and go no contact LB

That's bizarre.

Just tel her to pipe down for goodness sake.

I agree

You must have an abundance of sisters!

Seriously, this is annoying behaviour sure, but it’s a pretty normal disagreement. Why can’t you talk to her about it? Ask her to stop, just agree to disagree?

What is it with people going for the nuclear button and cutting a sister out of their life?

Very sad and sends a bad message to your children.

If you read OP's posts, she has told her.

Surely just tell her to stop talking about it?! Both of you need to grow up a bit….

Tbh you both sound a bit immature.

Who gives a fuck if your kids school is better? Good for you. Why do you need to comment all the ways it’s a better school? Her child’s school might still be great.

She is entitled to an opinion although constantly voicing it would wind me up too.

you sound dismissive of your DSis’ knowledge and experience in the profession.

Do you and Dsis usually feel in competition with each other?

I'd just sit her down and tell her firmly that you want no more discussion about your child's school, and if she carries on just grey rock.

People seem so quick to go no contact these days, it's like they want to live in a sanitized bubble where no-one can ever annoy them.

True. It does seem overly dramatic but when I have told her several times I do not want to discuss it and and yet she just can't leave it. I feel that I will explode next time that's why I wanted to go nc for a while until she respects my boundaries.

Yeah actually I was just thinking I don't believe for a second the OP says nothing back to her sister.

Two sisters with kids the same age, can create Olympic standard competition from the moment of conception.

Maybe stop being defensive (because you don’t need to be) and ask her why your choice is a problem for her?

And after that just change the subject whenever she brings it up again.

Not in competition really but she is probably more intelligent than I am and she likes to rub that in in a condescending manner. She is a lovely person with great values and is very generous and helpful. I would just like for her to respect my opinions and not "tell me how it is" all the time.