To take this approach to parenting a toddler?

[Judinle]

DS is two. Since I went back to work when he was one, the three days he has at home (not at nursery) are always out of the house. We have a couple of hours eating breakfast and getting ready and then we shoot off somewhere… National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming… whatever.

Recently I’ve noticed other mums commenting that I’m ’always out’ and ‘doesn’t ds ever have time at home.’ I would say once a week but not every week there may be one afternoon of a couple of hours where he’s at home but usually I get back right before dinner so again it’s dinner bath and bed with maybe 30 mins playing around that. Am I doing something wrong here? The reason I go out is I find it less stressful than at home. The idea of a day at home with him terrifies me a bit! Is this approach bad for him?

It does mean he has no unstructured time at home to potter/play. Nursery is full of other children, so he may not develop skills to occupy himself alone?

But better than hours in front of a screen.

Thanks @TeenToTwenties . He is really good with independent play when I’m getting ready in the mornings etc but it’s 45 mins max and then again in the evening. I just feel so stressed at home and so bored that I like to leave.

I took ds out everyday but we were usually home for 2 pm nap time/ quiet time.

When does he nap?

Sounds dreadful, aren't you both permanently exhausted?

You don't have to be out ALL day. Go out each day, sure. But chill a bit.

Go to the park for a bit, then come home a D let him potter for a bit. It will help you a LOT of he learns how to play by himself. DS is now 4 and a half and is happy to play with his toys by himself for around 45-60 minutes and means I can crack on with making dinner, read, laundry etc.

@Josette77 either at home then I go out again when he wakes or in the car if we are still out. He doesn’t always nap though

When do you do things like cook dinner, laundry, mow the grass etc if you're out all day every day?

@ShoopShoopShoopShoop he will happily play himself while I do dinner etc but it’s only 30-45 mins. I am exhausted but I just can’t stand being indoors with a toddler!

I would hate that. My two have always enjoyed having days playing with their toys at home or messing around in the garden. When do you do chores?

I used to do this with mine OP, the eldest especially was a nightmare at home - a tornado and everything was chaos. At least out there were lots of distractions!

Still at 7 prefers being out of the house and doing things

I think perhaps you need to address why you get so stressed and bored at home. I think a bit of downtime relaxing at home is great especially with the cold winter coming up, nothing wrong at all taking him out in the fresh air whilst you can.

@ShoopShoopShoopShoop he will play while I cook or put a wash on. Sometimes I do a wash when he’s in bed. We have a gardener for lawns.

We go out every day . I'm at home (as in not at work) with mine 5 days and I go stir crazy if I stay in. But we are generally back for 1ish and afternoon he plays /does crafts things like that. I generally do things locally like stay and plays, cafe, park, soft play etc in the mornings. National trust etc we do but at weekends when dp comes too.
You what suits you. He will be learning lots out and about anyway! It's absolutely fine in my opinion.

Unless actively unhealthy or toxic you can parent how you like, so you can just ignore the other parents to some extent. However I just feel so stressed at home and so bored that I like to leave doesn't sound good. Maybe the other parents are wondering as this isn't how home should feel.

What do you think is going on for you?

It'd be better probably if there was more balance of home and out. Balance is usually better than all one way or the other.

It's hard with a toddler at home and can be a lot more tiring

I was the same OP. Found it very hard to be home for long stretches of time. Always went out even for just a couple of hours and then used nap time to get stuff done.
Happy parent = good parent.

I used to like to get out of the house every day when my children were that age. Mainly to get them some fresh air and tire them out and also because I found it easier to break the day up. But we didn't spend the whole day out. I don't think you're doing anything wrong if that's what you like to do.

I was the same with ds at 2. We still do plenty but he’s approaching 4 now and we have more time at home. I’m just not into the sort of activities always pushed for days at home and it inevitably turns into screens.

I'm out loads with my toddler and baby! It's easier to be out. Plus tires them out more!

Do what works for you, honestly it's not damaging your kid. It might not work for someone else, but that's because every kid is so very different. My eldest I went to great lengths to be out as much as possible, because she got so bored at home. Youngest much more of a home body, being home with her is way less stressful. They just have different personalities.

I do think it’s incredibly weird that the idea of being at home with him “terrifies” you.

I only had one day at home on my own with mine, but I always went out. I hated being at home, it was so stressful and yet so boring at the same time.

It does get easier, by around 3.5 I was less desperate to escape the house (although we always went somewhere for a bit). But those toddler years - out of the house is much easier. You have the weekend for pottering.

And yes, I found being at home with a toddler all day fairly scary. It's interminable. Being a SAHM is my idea of actual hell.

In the long run I think you need to build in downtime. At the moment you’re giving the impression that he always has to be doing something but being able to do nothing is also important. Rest is important!

Hahahaha.

If you get home at 12 then after lunch have six hours of the house being routinely dismantled, tantrums, scribbling on walls, tidying toys away 10000000 times, screaming (you or them) and time becoming something that is no longer an hour or two, it stretches out from prehistoric period into the dawn of time, empires are lost and won while you desperately wait for bath time.

I remember it well.

We are through it with the first one but well approaching it with the second 😅 but the school run is a natural afternoon break so to speak.

I think it sounds lovely for him but I do believe longer periods of down time are important too. Not worth a stressed mum though.

I was exactly the same when my first was a toddler. She was very full on and food focused so if we stayed indoors all she wanted was a constant stream of snacks and tearing round the house. Going out morning and afternoon kept us both sane for that intense period. We stay at home more now she’s older and (a bit) calmer!