To take this approach to parenting a toddler?

[Judinle]

DS is two. Since I went back to work when he was one, the three days he has at home (not at nursery) are always out of the house. We have a couple of hours eating breakfast and getting ready and then we shoot off somewhere… National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming… whatever.

Recently I’ve noticed other mums commenting that I’m ’always out’ and ‘doesn’t ds ever have time at home.’ I would say once a week but not every week there may be one afternoon of a couple of hours where he’s at home but usually I get back right before dinner so again it’s dinner bath and bed with maybe 30 mins playing around that. Am I doing something wrong here? The reason I go out is I find it less stressful than at home. The idea of a day at home with him terrifies me a bit! Is this approach bad for him?

I agree with you to a certain extent OP. I had DD1 during lockdown and nearly went stir crazy with just the 1 hour of daily exercise for months. So now I'm out a lot.

When DD1 was a toddler I was also part time (3 days). If the weather was good we were out. Probably either morning or afternoon rather than all day though. It's less with DD2 and have to go around school times. Grandparents looked after her at home though so she did get more home play on those days and maybe a trip to local park.

On weekends, again if weather is good we are out most of it. It's rare we have a full day at home unless it's the depths of winter or someone is ill x

God that would exhaust me, more so than I already am!

I have a just turned 3 year old and work 4 days a week. Of her days at home (Sat-Mon) we have at least one at home chill day. On the others we will do an activity out of the house of some description, swimming, gymnastics, soft play, library, park etc ... for a few hours either morning or afternoon (not both), and then chill at home the rest of the time. I physically couldn't be on the go all the time on my days off as my work days are like that and I'd be utterly drained 24/7!

Thankfully she's quite an easy going chilled toddler most of the time though, so equally happy with an afternoon out or an afternoon in the house, which I'm very grateful for when I'm having a low energy day.

You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone OP. He sounds happy and well behaved. I agree with you, being at home is boring as heck. If this works for you, crack on! When he is at school he will be out all day, then at clubs etc.

I was like this when mine were that age. When I had a 3 and 1 year old, it went double.

The idea of a full day at home with them was terrifying! And the idea that at 2, either of them would have "chilled" at home for the day laughable.

They have a lot of energy and they benefit a lot from fresh air and exercise.

Even now that they are 7 and 5, it's rare for us to spend a full day at home.

I am like this with DD 2.5 if my partner is working or sleeping (works shifts). However I have realised I have made a rod for my back rather as I currently have a foot injury and am supposed to be resting it. So yesterday DP is asleep after nights and I told DD we are having a 'play at home day' she burst in to tears, completely melted down and brought me my shoes! 😂
I stuck to it but it was a tough day. She will play while I'm cooking etc normally but if I'm sat down expects me to play which I realise is because it hardly ever happens. So we will be having more time at home from now on.

I should add she is very good if I'm doing housework but she wants to helps all the time which can be a bit wearing.

I think everyone is different. I was a sahm when my children were that age and we had lots of time at home. We are all homebodies though and need time to have no plans at all and just chill at home. Some of my friends were more like you though and it seemed to work well for them.

You should do whatever works for you. I have twins and I’d have love to be able to have taken them out more. They are still toddlers and now when I can, i definitely prefer the days we are out all day.

It sounds like your son can handle it so that’s great for him and you. Mine was too overtired by afternoon so we come home before overtiredness tantrums kick in . My twin son doesn’t manage those well. I am not sure what is wrong with taking your little boy out all day, and giving stimulation. As they grow they will learn to play themselves , don’t need to ‘learn’ and keep home at this age , esp if he’s picking up at nursery. Do what works for you and less stressed parent is always better for the kids. Id actually say well done for managing this without sounding patronising ! I was too lazy to get out daily !

PMSL at the suggestions to “make a collage” and do chores - your child is obviously much lower energy than mine was!

We weren’t out from dawn to dusk, but DS did need to be out of the house to burn off some energy for at least a couple of hours a day. Usually swimming/toddler group then lunch then park. Sometimes museum or zoo. And no he definitely wasn’t in a pushchair, he could walk 5 km easily aged 2 - I used to take the sling for emergencies but 99% of the time he was running around.

I think it’s amazing that he plays independently for 45 minutes! I have a 3 year old that does about 10, how did you achieve that at 2?!

You do you OP, if you and he are happy then that’s entirely up to you. My best friend brought hers up on the farm they live and work on. They’re always outside doing stuff on the farm, they’re never at home with toys. They’re all great kids.

Was a SAHM when dc were young. Stayed home every morning. They plated while l did chores, then napped while l chilled and read or cooked, then lunch. Every afternoon we went out. Met a friend, went to the park, visited my dm, library etc. Always out in the afternoon. Home then for dinner, more play. I found being at home easy but only because l knew l could go out every afternoon. Do what suits yourself but maybe knowing you were heading out after lunch would make the morning easier at home.

I was like this too,I dont have a garden so staying in was a nightmare at that age. With Hindsight i wonder if I should’ve carved out a bit more home routine, even if just two afternoons a week. We’re doing it a lot more now she’s almost 4 as I see how much she values her home and the wee nest that is her bedroom. She’s a lot calmer when she’s got quality time here.

Is your child happy and healthy? Sleeps well? has a good diet? age appropriate behaviour?

OP I am largely exactly the same with my three year old. I dread long days in the house so I just take him out, HOWEVER I have realised that we both need a bit more time at home (I’m a single parent so I need time to get chores done otherwise I get overwhelmed) and he really needs time to just relax at home and play as he wishes. I’ve found very successful rings that we both enjoy in the house are balling together (let go of anxieties and accept that said baking will almost certainly turn out disgusting but the child will love it) and pottering in garden while I cook (I can see him)
i think it’s more about me trying to reframe my time in the house with him as lovely, shared bonding time where I can also get to do things that simply need to be done.

It’s a matter of balance really OP, and of course you do to try to get through each stage which ever way you can if you are struggling.

As long as you have formed a proper attachment/relationship with your child, and your child is developing properly and isn’t suffering, it doesn’t really matter that much whether his development is taking place indoors, outside, whilst visiting an attraction, or doing a supermarket shop etc.
Your child needs to learn his family culture and his community culture so it is actually good to be out and about if you can afford it. Make sure he makes the most of the rich language opportunities and can be learning to follow instructions and is interacting socially.

Playing is important for meeting a whole range of normal developmental milestones and I’m sure he has access to play at nursery for four days but you clearly also make sure your child has some play opportunities at home too with his own special toys. I would advise that you do try to build in some time at home to actually play with him, having fun together and showing him how to make the most of his toys with imaginative and creative play. Be led by him sometimes to find out what he really likes and needs.

A child does need to feel that very special sense of home, and home routine. He needs to explore his home in the same way as he does his other familiar environments. He needs to naturally learn where his own things are, to develop a sense of his own favourite and special toys and books and his favourite things to do in his own garden as opposed to being constantly entertained with outings and visits out. It would be a nice feeling for him to have a little friend to play with for an hour or two in his own home once in a while if you can manage it, as well as visiting in other homes as a guest.

It’s important that he recognises the special feeling of warmth, love, fun, relaxation, and safety/security in his home. And it is also important he has rest days occasionally too where he has enough time to make his own play choices and begin to be independent and correct his own mistakes.

It wouldnt be for me, I'd want some quality time at home too.

Dreadful? Really?!

Good god.

Thinking about it more, I think perhaps if you only have your toddler one or two days a week, you end up more inclined to being out all day. That was how it was for me, I think a few reasons:

I very much saw my day off as to do fun things with my children, not a day to crack on with housework

We were all in the work rhythm of getting up and about to get to work/nursery so it felt natural to do that on days off too

My children were used to a lot of stimulation at nursery and sought the same at home

If you only have one day a week solo with your child, you perhaps have more energy and enthusiasm to go out

Whereas I guess if you're a SAHM, your time with your toddler is the default, so you need to get more done at home, you need to spread out the time outside, etc

Just noticing that more of the "we chill at home" comments come from SAHMs

Were the same we’ve always done this we go out morning and afternoon, my 2.5 yr old naps in the car. She’s normally up 6/630am and we typically go out 9am, back after her nap for 1hr to refresh then back 5pm for dinner and bath bed. Honestly I feel she’d be climbing the walls if we spent any more time at home. I find it funny people saying isn’t in exhausting, constantly having to deal with the mess and madness at home is much harder work. We go to groups/park/gym/scooting along river/ supermarket. Generally I feel she needs to be much more physical than our house would allow

This is the bit that I find quite worrying, along with you saying it terrifies you to be at home with your toddler.

It's not good for either of you if you're absolutely exhausted and running on empty. You're going to burn yourselves if you carry on the way you are, especially if your toddler is regularly missing out on naps just so you don't have to be in the house.

I'm all for getting children out and about everyday but it's not healthy for them to be on the go from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to bed.

People will always have an opinion on how you parent; if your child is safe, fed, happy then it's all good. You need to work on ignoring better "Oh, interesting." was my go-to for unsolicited advice.

We always did a lot of trips, not every day and we came home for most naps, but it made us happy to get out and look at / talk about something different. Now DS is older he asks for an occasional pyjama day and will play at home; by himself or with us. He's a dream out and about, I find the whining from other people's kids about a short walk round a museum or whatever very frustrating. Attention span for activities seems very short for some kids who don't do much, they don't seem to get the point of it all.

Dreadful? Really?!

I'm not the poster who said it but yes,I agree it sounds pretty dreadful - OP is exhausted but keeps dragging them both out all day because she's terrified to be at home with her toddler.

Parenting on empty all the time and never feeling able to relax and unwind for a day sounds like the very definition of dreadful to me - it also sounds incredibly unhealthy and like it will massively backfire one day/

I think it depends on the child and their age and depends on the parent. I’m not sure there is a right or a wrong. The more time goes on I realise there are ‘in’ mums and there are ‘out’ mums - I’m definitely an ‘in’ mum but my daughter is only 10 months. Give it time and I may convert to an ‘out’ mum.

If you are both happy I wouldn’t over question it.

Yes. Would you want to be going on days out on end without break? Like, out at 8 every day, and coming back at the equivalent of like 8pm? Maybe an hour or two before bed. Or would you appreciate a little bit of downtime once in a while? Just to be at home and take it easy and chill.

Hi OP. I was the same but my little one isn’t so great at independent play, unlike my nieces who did more play on their own from young, while my sister was cooking. I tended to meal prep for the next day after bedtime which worked when things were very chaotic in the early days but I missed cooking freshly prepared dinners. I wish I got her used to independent play from very young tbh. But I get wanting to get out. It keeps the house tidier! It is tiring though!