To take this approach to parenting a toddler?

[Judinle]

DS is two. Since I went back to work when he was one, the three days he has at home (not at nursery) are always out of the house. We have a couple of hours eating breakfast and getting ready and then we shoot off somewhere… National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming… whatever.

Recently I’ve noticed other mums commenting that I’m ’always out’ and ‘doesn’t ds ever have time at home.’ I would say once a week but not every week there may be one afternoon of a couple of hours where he’s at home but usually I get back right before dinner so again it’s dinner bath and bed with maybe 30 mins playing around that. Am I doing something wrong here? The reason I go out is I find it less stressful than at home. The idea of a day at home with him terrifies me a bit! Is this approach bad for him?

Mine was like that after 1yo - I found it more stressful to stay indoors than to go out and let him run around outside. (We didn't have a garden.) I loved that whole time. Now he's older and wants to stay indoors, hates going for walks. Enjoy it while you can.

I think it depends on the child you have. My eldest preferred to be out and about and didn't enjoy being at home for long periods as a toddler. My youngest much preferred to chill and play with his toys.

I think when people judge others about things like this they forget that all children are not like their own.

I wonder if those saying chill at home etc are remembering 3-4 year old rather than 2-3 year olds. My neice is staying right now and she is 2 - bright, verbal, eats and sleeps well, loves her toys. But the parenting job is still literally just following her as she walks round the house - she plays with stuff gets it out, takes 5 mins then wants something, then tidy it up, then check she's not falling down the stairs, then she wants my phone, oh no, let's read a story, 4 min later let's run round the sofa, oops don't bang your head, let's have some cereal, OK that's another 5 min. do a drawing? yes lovely scribble. 5 min. Pick up all the crayons.There's no chilling! It's just boring following round, minute to minute.

Outside is better as its predictable and much less mental labour to add to your physical labour. For instance like you walk towards the playpark, ok you stop to get a stick but then you keep going. You don't have to keep thinking of ideas and that's the truly tiring bit.

I spend as little time at home as possible.
We're just making mess here otherwise.
Breakfast and out.
Back to do dinner, get ready for bed.
Every 2 weeks or so we will have an at home day in the play room but it takes a lot of tidying after. I also find if I'm at home the depression creeps in so I don't think you're unreasonable at all

This, plus I think a part of whether you're a 'being at home with the kids is my dream' or 'giving up work would drive me potty' person (nothing wrong with either) is probably how much you enjoy having a less structured day.

There's no right or wrong here, it's just different personalities of both adults and children. I know lots of people who say the best stage of parenting is sitting on the sofa feeding and watching netflix all day. That felt like house arrest to me. I think one of the reasons I didn't enjoy the newborn stage was that I am not good at going with the flow and just chilling. At that point I thought I wasn't well suited to motherhood; turns out there are other stages that I'm much better at.

I was out constantly with mine when they were young toddlers (and particularly when I had a toddler and a baby) because I found it such hard work otherwise. They're now 3.5 and 6 and we still go out every day, but I don't find the time at home nearly so dull/hard to fill.

To be honest if you think going out to do the sort of things OP describes 'National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming' to be utterly exhausting then you might want to get your iron levels checked.

I dont see anything wrong if this is how it suit you and the child. Assuming not all days are a special occasion like a natinal trust visit. Days out and about in parks etc sound actually good to me. Better that being stuck at home.

It's funny, I was just thinking the same thing about liking a structured day.

I often see people commenting about how stressful they find having to "rush around" and preferring to "chill" at home.

It makes me realise that one of the reasons I like working is that I like deadlines and structure and I find not having anything in particular to do, especially with a toddler to entertain is much more stressful than going somewhere

YANBU, we weren’t out from dawn til dusk and had some downtime at home but otherwise I was out with DD1!!! I WFH 4 days a week and agree with a previous poster that I wanted to spend my day off and weekends doing fun things with her. When I say out, sometimes we just went to the park or the library, at home I have a huge craft bits box so sometimes she just prefers to make things or make up her own games.

But honestly I wouldn’t listen to comments where people say it’s bad, if it works for you and you enjoy it then why not. Some of these comments on here about it being “dreadful” or “weird” are bizarre, much more interesting for your child than staying at home watching tv while you do chores as some are suggesting 🙄

Do whatever you need to do to get through the day. Ignore what others think, honestly - you'll always be wrong in someone's eyes.

For some people that may sound like lots of mental work with planning where to go or what to eat or what to take with you or how to get there etc. Some of them may even be a bit jealous as they may see you as too organised. Being outside is good for so many reasons.

To be honest if you think going out to do the sort of things OP describes 'National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming' to be utterly exhausting then you might want to get your iron levels checked.

Being "exhausted" doesn't just mean being physically tired - it can also just mean being overwhelmed and needing some downtime.

@Judinle - have you considered gradually increasing the time you spend at home sometimes? As other posters have said, it is good for your child to learn to amuse himself, and have unstructured play with his toys - even the odd bit of TV isn't the end of the world.

If you gradually increase the time you spend at home, hopefully you will find that you and he both adjust, and actually enjoy it. You say you are exhausted - I am not surprised - and you deserve a bit of quiet time at home too!

When ds napped we usually went out 9-12 ish. Lunch, nap, play.

When he got older we would do some play in the morning, early lunch around 11 then go out 12-4 ish.

I also got cabin fever.

Balance. At home in the morning while you get your chores done and out in the afternoon.

Do you plan on doing this for the next 16 years? It does sound odd never having days at home doing nothing.

I think being terrified of being at home with him is something to unpick tbh .
Yes out and about but I also think it's really important to have time to play at home and even learn to be a bit bored and how to cope with it especially as kids get a bit older.

I know what you mean OP! Mine are 3.5 and 1.5 and I like to leave the house every day as a general rule. But not out alll day. I usually divide the day into rough blocks in my head of: get ready. morning block, lunch, nap (for baby)/quiet time (for toddler), then afternoon block, then dinner, bath, bed etc.
So I have to find roughyl 2 x (up to) 2hr blocks of entertainment. Which can be as simple as going to the shops, walking to the park. If we're going out though, I don't mind the other "block" being just playing at home.

Eg saturday we played (mostly duplo) in the morning, went for a walk in the woods in the afternoon. Sunday we went to the supermarket in the morning, and park in the afternoon.

At the moment I like to have lunch and nap/quiet time at home, as it means the little one will have a good sleep, and I get to read my book and drink a cup of tea for an hour!

Why is it not good to be on the go all day? Both DD2 and DS were like this from toddlers and now in their 20s are still the same and very productive people as they not wasting time dossing about

Yes I agree with this, I have 2 DD one naturally can stay home for a while and keep themselves busy,

however my oldest [possible ADHD] one really finds it hard to be at home for any length of time, even at 9 years old an afternoon can be to long for her, she gets angry and frustrated. We can be out in the am and come home and she will be asking to go out again soon after. She also needs to run around after being at school to burn off energy from sitting, break times are not enough for her. As a result we find we are out a lot as she its easier to manage her behaviour. But at 2 I found it hard to be at home all day with her as she would and still become bored easily. And literally start climbing my doors, kitchen counters ec. I would spend longer setting up an activity for her, then she would spend playing with it. (Eg painting, play dough). It's Exhausting,
Especially if i'm not feeling 100%.

I always say you have to parent the child you have, my two are so different, both high engery levels, but different personalities.

However I would be aware of the possibility of Conditioning your child, that there is something wrong with staying indoors. We are still working on that one with DD. X

This post absolutely nails it. OP I'm like you- very much an 'out' mum as a pp describes it. This might not be the case for you but for me it's linked to my mental health. I have a tendency to anxiety and depression, and I have the same reaction as you to being at home with the kids- it's like a desperation to be out. I'm working on this as it's not always best for the kids. My older one especially now really craves more time at home at the weekends after being home all week- and it is easier than when he was 2 - so I'm trying to work on tolerating it for his sake. It sounds like your life is working well for you and your LO at the moment though so ignore anyone commenting.

I should perhaps add that my eldest was a lockdown baby so I think this is why I have to leave the house at least once a day. Have horrible memories of just sitting at home with her as a baby for 8-10 hours straight watching the hours drip by...

I think its lovely to have children outside or out and about, but its probably more about you and how you operate - which is right for you and so keep doing it.

Mine are waaaaay past the toddler stage but it couldn't have been me. Yes, we would go out most days, but most days it was a walk up to the shops, maybe once a week we'd do something particular, like a museum, soft play, something like that. Wasn't allowed swimming unfortunately as I had twins and our local policy is a parent per child under 5 or something like that.

Contrary to popular belief, at 2 mine weren't natural playmates so when I was home and needed to get stuff done they were often in a playpen with CBeebies on. They do enjoy TV now at 15 so I suspect that did irreparable damage.

We had to be out of the house by 9am on a walk or our baby would start screaming the house down. It isn't just adults that don't like being cooped up.
Being around the house was mind-numbingly boring, National Trust was a life saver. Not sure why people think household jobs take hours on end. Throw a hoover round and wipe the bathrooms when the thought occurs, chuck stuff in a washing machine or hang it to dry now and then. Between two parents it just gets done without noticing. No point wrecking your life being a slave to housework.