To take this approach to parenting a toddler?

[Judinle]

DS is two. Since I went back to work when he was one, the three days he has at home (not at nursery) are always out of the house. We have a couple of hours eating breakfast and getting ready and then we shoot off somewhere… National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming… whatever.

Recently I’ve noticed other mums commenting that I’m ’always out’ and ‘doesn’t ds ever have time at home.’ I would say once a week but not every week there may be one afternoon of a couple of hours where he’s at home but usually I get back right before dinner so again it’s dinner bath and bed with maybe 30 mins playing around that. Am I doing something wrong here? The reason I go out is I find it less stressful than at home. The idea of a day at home with him terrifies me a bit! Is this approach bad for him?

The only issue I can think of is that it might be narrowing what skills he’s developing.

For example if he is in the buggy a lot that’s not great for gross motor skills. If he’s hardly ever playing with toys then that’s not great for fine motor skills - playing with sticks in the park is good, but it’s not as varied as the toys at home with buttons and bits that move. Does he do imaginary play, this is more likely if you are in the same place for a bit rather than on the go. Does he do any mark making like painting/drawing. Does he face away from you in the buggy a lot, this can affect speech development. Does he meet other kids.

I get you OP, I would have loved to be out of the house this much, but I think you need some balance so he gets a fuller range of activities?

Oh also, as for learning to be bored? I think that’s a skill you can also learn on the go! e.g we’d often do slightly longer car trips to days out etc.

she’s now capable of been in the car for 8+ hours and she’ll entertain herself the entire time. She also has an amazing imagination that comes along with us to days out AND she can play at home alone for a couple of hours. I wouldn’t give it much thought, a lot of it comes down to personality surely?

meet their needs and make sure they know how loved they are - you can do that from anywhere!

Exactly the same here. We were always out doing an activity together. A proper full on day out. I worked 4 days and my day off with both kids was a proper treat day. I do the laundry and the shops when they are in bed and hang up when they had breakfast.
I would say that the eldest prefers being at home now and pottering herself. The youngest likes being entertained all the time and has not mastered the skill of being bored. So I don't think the activities you do now will have any impact on their life choices.

I do think that you being happy will. So if you feel less stressed, less itchy for activity etc. then crack on.

My children were fairly peaceful beings and were happy at home as long as i got them out at some point during the day. Times were different though, as we had friends about. Most of us worked part time or not at all before school age so we'd go to other peoples homes or they'd come to us. I never enjoyed going to places with just me and the children so that sort of outing happened with other families. Or at weekends with my dh, and/or my parents (in laws weren't interested in outings though we visited them about once a fortnight and we all had fun)

My granddaughter is a little whirlwind and needs to get out and about every day, though her parents are working on more soothing activities.

I am the youngest in a fairly large family and apparently till i started nursery, I was on the go with mum getting my siblings to school, clubs etc. Mum says I was born on wheels!

All that to say, do what works for you @Judinle The whirlwind years will pass! It's especially difficult if you don't have a strong support system.

I do think think it would be better for him to have more at home than what you describe. What’s also concerning is that you are building your days around your anxiety about being at home with him, even though your exhausted.

In the nicest possible way, I think just being with your kids is more important than worrying about stuff like this. I worried too much about stuff like this.

Fine motor skills will come through things like eating themselves and BLW.

@Judinle

I think it sounds fab, and lots of outdoor activities and stimulation. Far, far better than cooped up indoors with screens. The best gauge should be whether your child is happy - not what other people think.

Also what's your own personality like? I found even before I had children I didn't spend much time at home, I find "pottering about the house" quite dull so possibly it's an extension of that.

My children never much liked toys either and aren't very arty so crafty stuff was always a huge faff and mess for about five mins of entertainment. Our general m.o. when younger, or even now on the weekends/holidays, was to pack a bag for the day after breakfast and head out not expecting to be home before late afternoon. They had plenty of time to be bored on the tube!

Just like adults all have different tastes, so do children and indeed families. If it works for you, sounds great

I think there's a balance to be had between going out all day, everyday and just pottering at home 24-7.

While going out might be easier, I do think it's important for kids to learn to entertain themselves at home, and also to learn that going out isn't always an option - for example if you're sick or have to wait in the for the plumber, you want a child who is okay to just potter about all day without demanding loads of activities or entertainment.

I can't get worked up about it, but you say he doesn't always nap because you are out and about.
I would prioritise getting a nap at home, not entirely for the child, but for a couple of glorious hours of peace at home. You say you are exhausted, and unless there are some factors you haven't told us about, a single 2 year old while you are working 3 days a week will be tiring, but shouldn't leave you exhausted.

I worked 4 days a week for a period of time when DS2 was about the same age as your son. I had Mondays at home. We would get up and out in the morning (get the bus to town, go to the library, cafe) and then be home for his nap.
Those couple of hours were the only time in the whole week where I was completely alone. They were restorative.

I always went out for a walk every day. Sometimes that walk would include going shopping (a good 45 mins to nearest shop). Other times the woods, by the river or whatever (we had a NT card so that got used a lot), so sometimes was a car journey.

I did the same with DS, I couldn’t be at home for long with a toddler. I found it became possible from 3.5 onwards which is good as COVID struck when he was 4. Now he is 8 and can entertain himself at home for hours so has done him no harm and it kept me sane.

If it suits you it's fine. I found with my eldest we had to go out at least part of the day or she'd go crazy and getting through 3pm until dinner was really tough! I also found it boring to be in the house all day.
We usually had mornings at home then out most afternoons even if it was just for a walk.

I’m with you OP I hated staying in when mine were small. We were out every single day. Now they are bigger we’ll have days at home but even then I don’t enjoy it. I like being out of the house and there is nothing wrong with that at all

I’ve got a two year old and everyone I know with one are also out all day with them - they’re easier out and about; and it’s a lot funner!

I don’t think it’s unusual at all. None of us really do long periods of downtime.

Yes I think you’re probably right. My DC1 had motor skill issues for medical reasons so I did spend a lot of time thinking about and facilitating this stuff. Most kids would probably pick up the skills along the way - as long as they weren’t in a buggy allll day.

It's just as important for children to learn how to relax as well as being on the go all the time.

The idea of a day at home with him terrifies me a bit!

What are you terrified of?
I can understand this somewhat with a very small baby - the thought of a Whole Day with a crying baby is awful, but your child sounds like they can entertain themselves for a period of time, enjoys being out so would enjoy you playing with them at home. I have some lovely memories of setting up the train set over the whole lounge, and playing shop for an afternoon. nb my kids are all big so I might have my melancholy specs on!

Would you like to have some days at home? If you're entirely happy doing what you're doing then carry on. Nothing stays the same for long anyway. But if it's fear and stress making you "shoot off somewhere" every day then maybe you need to address that.

Yep this isn't good.

Going out for activities is great, provided he isn't permanently strapped in a buggy.

But a more balanced approach would be better for you both.

Why are you terrified of being at home with your toddler OP? It's worth pondering this.

I was the same when my child was that age. We utilised every facility in the area! Every day was different. I think it really taught my child skills in being adaptable to new situations. We had a lot of fun. It sounds like you're doing a great job. 😊

I had to take DS1 out every day or he’d go stir crazy. It’s just his personality. He’s 23 now and still gets cabin fever if he hasn’t been out to stretch his legs at least once in a day.
A toddler with cabin fever is no fun for either of you.

YANBU, up to you what you do with your child. I didn't do anything like as much as you but I do recall that with toddlers it could actually feel less tiring to take them out than to entertain them at home because there would be lots to see that would engage them and they could actually be less demanding of me.

I was quite like this. I’d had a busy job and I found it hard to settle. The subsequent babies were the same from necessity mainly, life got busier with drop offs and tasks, clubs etc.
Adult ds grew into a happy social able adult with no issues.
I’m happy. Siblings are happy.
Do what you want!

That's much better than being at home all day while mum stares at her phone. You are giving him lots of experiences that lots of kids don't get. As long as his loved aswell he will do great.