To take this approach to parenting a toddler?

[Judinle]

DS is two. Since I went back to work when he was one, the three days he has at home (not at nursery) are always out of the house. We have a couple of hours eating breakfast and getting ready and then we shoot off somewhere… National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming… whatever.

Recently I’ve noticed other mums commenting that I’m ’always out’ and ‘doesn’t ds ever have time at home.’ I would say once a week but not every week there may be one afternoon of a couple of hours where he’s at home but usually I get back right before dinner so again it’s dinner bath and bed with maybe 30 mins playing around that. Am I doing something wrong here? The reason I go out is I find it less stressful than at home. The idea of a day at home with him terrifies me a bit! Is this approach bad for him?

Well it is pretty tiring standing up every two minutes when your son is climbing this or that or grabbing that unsafe thing etc.

Personally I'd find it even more tiring being out for 8+ hours everyday with a toddler who hasn't had a nap and who constantly needs to be on the go.

Of course we're all different but I just think it OP is exhausted and dreads spending any length of time at home, there are probably changes that can be made somewhere so she gets a bit of down time and her toddler gets a nap 🤷‍♀️

@Gogogo12345 maybe not, but you should still be able to understand that many people do benefit from time to just sit and relax - both mentally and physically.

You've got the nail on the head here. All kids are different and people forget that.
My kids were happy pottering at home and most definitely did crafts from the minute they could stick fingers in paint. BUT, they loved doing this and were very happy and I was happy to cover all the furniture in towels so it stayed slightly clean. Some kids do need to run and jump and climb and naturally have a lot more physical energy to burn off.

It sounds like this works for you and the people commenting have kids that are entertained in different ways. Keep doing what works for you. It will evolve as your child grows and you will also change patterns.

I'm the same, I don't think I've ever had a full day at home since my baby was a few weeks old, can't think of anything worse! If you and toddler are happy, why does it mater what others think.

When my two were little we also went out and did something every day - swimming, playgroup, a walk, beach, the park, soft play, music class, seeing friends etc. We’d normally have some time in the afternoon but I hated the thought of a long day just reliant on me to keep them busy!
Theyre teens now and still like a trip out, although they can amuse themselves at home as well.
In conclusion, do what works for you and your family.

I take mine to decent playgroups so I can watch him play and have a cup of tea. You don't have to chase them for eight hours.

I’m a nanny, going out on day trips saves my sanity and often brings out the best in me and my kids! Sounds like you’ve got a perfect balance there between getting things done and enjoying time out! Go for it op!

Well no but it's an important part of health. Overweight unfit adults don't explode either... Still not ideal

No one sits and relaxes at home with a 2 year old for any length of time. Also mostly they stop napping at around 2.

I get my downtime at the park and at toddler groups.

I wonder if the mums that had boys felt the need to get out and girl mums were happy to stay at home. Obviously huge generalisation but I have a high energy boy who I did lots with as he needed to get out the house and he exercised. I then had a girl who was so calm and would sit and watch telly, happy to play at home. There was such a difference, it really surprised me. We still get out by the difference is she loves staying at home. My boy needs to get out in the fresh air (like me).

This was the case for me. My ds couldn't spend a single full day just at home as a toddler. Pretty sure I took him to the park most days... whatever the weather! Otherwise soft play, swimming, farms etc etc.

My DD was the opposite....when she was a toddler she could concentrate for ages....she'd lay all her dolls house accessories out and sit for hours with them or colouring or Duplo.

I think boys generally tend to be more boisterous and energetic but having said that my sister's dd was a toddler who needed heaps of running round.

Depends on the child,

All of mine benefited from having chill out time at home. I also needed time to get on with stuff (chores / cooking)

Being out and about all the time sounds lovely when the weather is okay, I imagine it would be an utter chore in the height of winter.

I have 2 sons, so who knows what temperament a daughter would have had.
But I do recall phone calls with my sister, who had 3 primary school aged girls.
On a miserable February afternoon, they'd be doing Hama beads and playing Sylvanian Families while I would be wrestling with wellies and mud after a stomp through the fields.

nb we did our fair share of Playmobil and arts and crafts as well, but not for long periods of time.

I had this approach when DS especially, was young

Unless it was raining we were out of the house as it was SO much easier than the constant risk management at home

I think it's a good approach when you have an active kid

💯 there are differences between boys and girls overall

Of course there are energetic girls and chilled out boys and exceptions to the generalisations but most of the boys I know do need a certain amount of physical activity in a way that most of the girls don't

I did wonder that but thought I’d be crucified.

My DD is only fourteen months but does seem a lot calmer. It’s not that ds is or was badly behaved but he just isn’t into crafts or colouring or intricate games.

I remember the first time I tried to get ds to do some colouring. He lasted about four seconds before he threw the pens down and ran off! With my DD, I remember she was about 18 months and I sat her down with some paper and felt tips. She sat there for over an hour drawing and scribbling.

It reminds me of the tremendously irritating neighbours we had during COVID - they had two girls the same age as our two boys.

The dad would say things like "yeah it is hard, little Annabel* will only sit and colour for an hour at a time"

I genuinely considered punching him

*Not her real name

I had two energetic boys, including one who we now know to be ND (autism/ADHD) who has never really played independently, played with toys by himself or done imaginative play. So it sounds like a totally normal day to me. In the house it would be hours and hours of keeping them busy but feeling shut in a d isolated.

Our kids are obviously pretty different! Mine absolutely would explode without sufficient exercise. Couple of hours in the park and he is like a different child. He needs to burn off excess energy to be able to settle down and focus.

Our flight was delayed last year, and DM pointed out a little girl younger than DS who was sitting quietly reading her book. DS was busy trying to do a backspin on the floor, then pretending to be a cat.

Mine is 19 months and we're similar, even on weekends when we're parenting as a team (and often have my partner's 7yr old too) it's just easier to let them play at the beach/woods/park and include bikes etc, than it is to hang around the house.

We tend to have a few hours of play with toys at home, then head out and take a picnic.
She will nap in the car, or we'll come home for lunch and she'll nap then.

We couldn't do this much when she was tiny as was a tiny premie in winter, but once we could head out we were out and about.

We're an active couple though and intend to raise an active family (or atleast one that enjoys the outdoors).

To each their own! So long as he's happy and settles well when you do stay home, I don't see an issue.

I agree with this! My son is absolutely wild if we stay in. His energy is unreal. we go out and he literally sprints around the park for hours 😂 . I wish I had about 5 percent on his energy 😂

You sound like a great Mum - all children are different just like us. I also love being out and about with my children. They are full on and very active and want to be out exploring the world. We are all really sociable so like getting out to see our friends, or just being with other people.

I do chores and washing once they're in bed. On Sundays when my husband is at home we try to have a quieter day where they potter about and play with their toys etc.

I don't think there is a right or wrong. My eldest is now happier to hang out at home as she's at school all day, but the younger two want to be busy.

Every time I read the word "chill" on this thread I get intensely triggered 😂

The idea that I could chill even for 3 seconds at home with my 4 and 2yo DS is such a wild impossibility that to imagine it actually existing for others is kind of unbearable. I find it so much more relaxing to stare into the trees for a moment while they entertain themselves with stones and diggers (our trips out always include digger companions)...