Page 7 | To take this approach to parenting a toddler?

DinosaurMunch · 16/09/2024 10:10

dreamer24 · 16/09/2024 08:27

God that would exhaust me, more so than I already am!

I have a just turned 3 year old and work 4 days a week. Of her days at home (Sat-Mon) we have at least one at home chill day. On the others we will do an activity out of the house of some description, swimming, gymnastics, soft play, library, park etc ... for a few hours either morning or afternoon (not both), and then chill at home the rest of the time. I physically couldn't be on the go all the time on my days off as my work days are like that and I'd be utterly drained 24/7!

Thankfully she's quite an easy going chilled toddler most of the time though, so equally happy with an afternoon out or an afternoon in the house, which I'm very grateful for when I'm having a low energy day.

I would find the idea of a whole day at home every week depressing. What do you do all day? What's your 3 year old doing all day? Apart from anything else how does she get her 2 hours exercise on those days? Maybe you have a huge house or garden?

Cuwins · 16/09/2024 10:13

@DinosaurMunch this gives me hope!
DD is 2.5 and I really struggle at home but actually before DD I was a real homebody so would love to be able to stay home more

Gogogo12345 · 16/09/2024 10:14

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:04

It's downright boring sat at home doing nothing.

Isn't the saying that only boring people get bored? 😉

Who knows lol. I don't get bored as I'm not sat indoors doing nothing.

@sunsetsandboardwalks please do explain the benefits of " downtime" to me as obviously in 53 years I've failed to understand it

YellowphantGrey · 16/09/2024 10:18

My friend was like this with her two, never ever stays inside or has a lazy day or a pj day. Weekends out by 8am and home by 6 for tea bath and bed.

The children are permanently exhausted and not very well behaved because they've never had time to sit and do nothing or relax and play

After school they are at the park or out on a bike ride or swimming classes. Their house is used for sleeping and eating and nothing else but they don't get any downtime

Nothing wrong with being out and about but you also need to recognise that time at home is important and needed

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:18

@Gogogo12345 I'm really not convinced you need someone to explain it to you - if you've managed to reach 53 and can use a computer I'm sure you can Google it 😂

But for me, the benefits are being able to switch off and relax. I work a physical, outdoors job and don't feel the need to spend my down time rushing about and doing things constantly.

Of course, we're all different and some people relax by "doing", but If OP was happy rushing about all the time, she wouldn't have posted and wouldn't be saying how exhausted she is all the time.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:19

I would find the idea of a whole day at home every week depressing. What do you do all day? What's your 3 year old doing all day? Apart from anything else how does she get her 2 hours exercise on those days? Maybe you have a huge house or garden?

Children won't explode if they don't get a certain amount of exercise each day!

PiggleToes · 16/09/2024 10:21

Not at all! This sounds perfect. Kids need outings and stimulation. I often feel to exhausted to take mine out- and getting everyone out is such a challenge! But I feel so guilty when they are just at home all day as they get bored and too much screen time. Sounds like you are doing great xx

Alwaysyoudoyou · 16/09/2024 10:22

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:07

A lot of the "outdoors is amazing" posters seem to be ignoring the fact that OP is the one saying she's exhausted - surely that in itself is a sign that what she's doing isn't working for them?

Nobody's saying she should be home in front of screens all day but a few half days a week where you just potter about inside and relax is no bad thing for any child.

'Exhausted but can't stand being at home all day with a toddler'

... choose your hard I guess! Being out all day every day can be exhausting, tbf sometimes being in all day with a toddler can also be just as exhausting. Small children can take a lot of energy!! But if you 'can't stand' one and can tolerate the other, then do what makes you happy!

Gogogo12345 · 16/09/2024 10:25

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:18

@Gogogo12345 I'm really not convinced you need someone to explain it to you - if you've managed to reach 53 and can use a computer I'm sure you can Google it 😂

But for me, the benefits are being able to switch off and relax. I work a physical, outdoors job and don't feel the need to spend my down time rushing about and doing things constantly.

Of course, we're all different and some people relax by "doing", but If OP was happy rushing about all the time, she wouldn't have posted and wouldn't be saying how exhausted she is all the time.

But you don't seem to " get" that I relax by doing something.Doesnt have to be " jobs" I'm very relaxed when out and about with friends etc Just doesn't involve sitting around in the house. I can manage that for about an hour tops then get fidgety.

And u don't know its just the being out of house with toddler that's exhausting the OP. Don't forget she's working the rest of the week as well. And toddlers are mentally exhausting so far more tiring ( even sat indoors) than being In an adult workplace

CrossUniStudent · 16/09/2024 10:25

It's fine op. You do what works for you. It's not like you're being neglectful!

exprecis · 16/09/2024 10:26

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:07

A lot of the "outdoors is amazing" posters seem to be ignoring the fact that OP is the one saying she's exhausted - surely that in itself is a sign that what she's doing isn't working for them?

Nobody's saying she should be home in front of screens all day but a few half days a week where you just potter about inside and relax is no bad thing for any child.

To me it's a sign she has a 2 year old.

I have yet to meet a 2 year old that relaxes at home or allows their parent to do so

viques · 16/09/2024 10:27

Judinle · 16/09/2024 07:07

@ShoopShoopShoopShoop he will happily play himself while I do dinner etc but it’s only 30-45 mins. I am exhausted but I just can’t stand being indoors with a toddler!

Independent play is fine,and of course needs to be encouraged, but it sounds as though you are losing a huge opportunity to enhance his language development, he is missing out on one to one chat and play supported by focussed language. I am sure you talk to him when you are out and about, but there are many distractions then ( which is why you do it!) and missed opportunities to recall and repeat language to reinforce vocabulary and structure.

Nursery is too busy and understaffed for much 121 language development.

blackberryhill · 16/09/2024 10:27

My son is also 2 and we're very similar to you, OP. I won't say we're never at home but on the days one of us is home with him we're usually out between 9am - 12pm and then 2.30 - 5pm (home for lunch and naptime). We'll do a combination of groups, play cafes/soft play, parks, walks, playdates, zoo/museum/aquarium and running errands. As an infant he was always much happier out and about than in the house and so it's just stuck as a habit as he's got older. I've always been prone to going stir-crazy if I'm stuck inside for too long and I think he's wired similarly. We spent a week inside when he was potty training and by the end we were all climbing the walls...

Alwaysyoudoyou · 16/09/2024 10:29

blackberryhill · 16/09/2024 10:27

My son is also 2 and we're very similar to you, OP. I won't say we're never at home but on the days one of us is home with him we're usually out between 9am - 12pm and then 2.30 - 5pm (home for lunch and naptime). We'll do a combination of groups, play cafes/soft play, parks, walks, playdates, zoo/museum/aquarium and running errands. As an infant he was always much happier out and about than in the house and so it's just stuck as a habit as he's got older. I've always been prone to going stir-crazy if I'm stuck inside for too long and I think he's wired similarly. We spent a week inside when he was potty training and by the end we were all climbing the walls...

kudos to you making it a week! When we were potty training I was climbing the walls by about 11am 😂

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:34

@Gogogo12345 why do you think I don't get it when I literally said "of course we're all different and some people relax by doing things" 😂

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:35

@exprecis maybe - but I just think the fact that she's exhausted and "terrified" at the idea of being home alone with him that's an issue.

CrazyGoatLady · 16/09/2024 10:41

2 year olds can be hard work!

DS1 was quite placid and would play by himself, whereas DS2 (who was diagnosed autistic and ADHD during primary school) was not at all like that and I used to go out pretty much every day with him otherwise he was tearing around creating chaos. He didn't understand the concept of a day "pottering at home" until he went to school and was tired from that and then he did start to need more unstructured, low demand time. He also never napped in the afternoon from the age of around 2 and a half until starting school, maybe occasionally in his car seat on the way home if we'd been out in the fresh air all day. It also helped me not to feel so isolated on my home days, which I did with DS1 as he was more reluctant to go out (he is autistic without ADHD, so struggles more with change and transitions).

What's the point of staying at home with a child who is restless and you feeling unhappy, overwhelmed and isolated, if going out helps both of you?

You know your child and your own limits best. It may become easier to stay home with him when he's a bit older.

Gogogo12345 · 16/09/2024 10:42

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:34

@Gogogo12345 why do you think I don't get it when I literally said "of course we're all different and some people relax by doing things" 😂

On the 2nd post aybe. But you also were trying to say about the benefits of downtime to me. I honestly cannot find any benefit in being sat indoors doing nothing.

IVFmumoftwo · 16/09/2024 10:46

Judinle · 16/09/2024 06:59

DS is two. Since I went back to work when he was one, the three days he has at home (not at nursery) are always out of the house. We have a couple of hours eating breakfast and getting ready and then we shoot off somewhere… National trust, park, shopping centre, out for lunch, walk, swimming… whatever.

Recently I’ve noticed other mums commenting that I’m ’always out’ and ‘doesn’t ds ever have time at home.’ I would say once a week but not every week there may be one afternoon of a couple of hours where he’s at home but usually I get back right before dinner so again it’s dinner bath and bed with maybe 30 mins playing around that. Am I doing something wrong here? The reason I go out is I find it less stressful than at home. The idea of a day at home with him terrifies me a bit! Is this approach bad for him?

My son is two. I find if we stay in he causes chaos and is climbing everything so we go out everyday. Unfortunately not today as I have a cold and don't feel great. Only to free stuff though. I can't afford NT or swimming.

mewkins · 16/09/2024 10:46

I was the same when my dd was little. She seemed happier being out and about. She's a teenager now and loves a day (or 5) at home pottering! I also liked being out doing things and interacting with people.

IVFmumoftwo · 16/09/2024 10:49

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 10:35

@exprecis maybe - but I just think the fact that she's exhausted and "terrified" at the idea of being home alone with him that's an issue.

Well it is pretty tiring standing up every two minutes when your son is climbing this or that or grabbing that unsafe thing etc.

IVFmumoftwo · 16/09/2024 10:51

Cobblersorchard · 16/09/2024 07:28

I think that’s a bit weird. Don’t you bake/cook together, do normal household jobs together? Paint, draw, make things?

Going out for some fresh air is good obviously, and we did some days out. But we also spent a lot of time at home just doing normal things. My DD had her own knives and peeler etc and loved to help with meals for example. Yes it turns a 10 min task in to an hour but it’s really good for them.
She also loved to sort laundry and mop floors with her toy mop, make cakes and biscuits.
Do you do crafts together?

What on earth is so terrifying about being at home for 5-6hrs?

Baking with a toddler shudder

reabies · 16/09/2024 10:59

I also hate being at home with my 2yo all day, especially because we have a dog and it's a nightmare trying to keep them both safe and happy.

I'm usually out after breakfast, home for lunch and nap, then out again at some point in the afternoon even if not for the full 5 hours before bed.

My mum watches him 1 day a week at the mo and struggles to take him out without the pram because she can't keep up with him. On those days when I finish work he is absolutely climbing the walls and the house is a bomb site, we go straight out to the park for a run around.

Do what works for you OP, the thought of a full day at home would fill me with dread much more so than the thought of a day out 9-6pm.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 11:05

On the 2nd post aybe. But you also were trying to say about the benefits of downtime to me. I honestly cannot find any benefit in being sat indoors doing nothing.

Just because you can't see the benefit doesn't mean the benefit doesn't exist 😬

Maybe you're the one who doesn't "get it".

Gogogo12345 · 16/09/2024 11:06

sunsetsandboardwalks · 16/09/2024 11:05

On the 2nd post aybe. But you also were trying to say about the benefits of downtime to me. I honestly cannot find any benefit in being sat indoors doing nothing.

Just because you can't see the benefit doesn't mean the benefit doesn't exist 😬

Maybe you're the one who doesn't "get it".

Or maybe it doesn't exist for me lol