I’m fat because of my kids and husband

[ICantStopEatingg1]

I’m so fed up of constantly overeating. Before marriage and kids I was a size 8. Now I’m a size 20 (actually work trousers feel very tight but I refuse to go up any more). I’ve tried low carb, keto, slim fast, calorie counting and most recently NHS weight loss app. The thing is I know my main trigger - having to constantly cook and think of food for everyone in the family. I know I can’t help it for my kids and it’s not really them it’s my husband. I’m sorry to vent here but I cannot talk to anyone else. I might be over reacting here but I think he’s Mainly responsible for my weight gain. I’ll give an example:

I was super healthy mon- wed when in work and I have Thursdays and Fridays off. He’s working from home. Just to paint a picture he has a stressful job where he cannot take a break, lunch hours are non-existent as they are in client meetings all day. Not just him the whole team. High pressured city job which definitely pays a lot but is stressful in terms of what I just wrote. So I have to on my days off think of his breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. He will always say no when I offer something but I feel sorry for him so I make something and he will gobble it up within seconds at his desk which makes me feel bad for him! It’s a vicious cycle, I’m angry I have to keep thinking of feeding him but then feel guilty if I don’t.

he has never cooked a meal in his life. Weekends are the worst at I have a fussy eater who I have to keep trying to coax to eat. My other child is good at eating so will eat what ever anyone else is eating. I’m so fed up. They’ve all gone to Sleep ages ago but I’m sat here clearing away the plates and just do angry with life. Once I’ve cleared up I will be exhausted so I know I’ll be eating biscuits to give me a boost. I don’t want to be fat anymore but my family don’t make it easy!

I'm sorry but I can't see from those paragraphs why your husband is responsible for you eating biscuits?

If you're fed up with your life, then address that - is the balance of work fair between you and your dh for example?

Look into mounjaro

Unless your husband and kids are force feeding you, they are not responsible for your weight. Blaming them is a rubbish excuse. I cook most days, and I do all the meal planning for the household, yet I've lost 12lbs in 11 weeks.

Because all day he’s not helped me. I’ve made all the breakfast, lunch, dinners, snacks for everyone in the family. Now I’m clearing up all the dinner stuff after getting kids to bed. I just want someone to take one day of not thinking of everyone’s food away from me. I ask him but he orders McDonald’s everytime I ask him! One time he ordered pancakes for breakfast from McDonald’s them lunch happy meals etc. I know he’s not forcing the biscuits down my throat but I feel so angry I feel that’s the only way to calm
down.

How about you just sign up for something like Hello Fresh on a ‘healthy setting’ and then you don’t have to think about dinner. Sounds like you’ve got money to chuck at the problem so why not

No definitely not. I do everything. If I ask for help he will do as above - order every family meal from McDonald’s. I don’t know how to fix it.

It isn't great that your husband can't/doesn't cook but I struggle to see how that makes him responsible for your overeating.

This is the worst excuse I’ve ever heard someone use for being overweight

Can you give me a rough idea of types of meals you plan please?

You're forcing snacks on him though

You don't need to make constants snacks for everyone

Nor eat those biscuits, which presumably you buy in?

If you're cooking then you make sure to pick healthy meals.

Stop buying in snacks

Stop feeling you have to keep giving your DH snacks all day

I bet your husband wouldn't starve if he had to feed himself.

I get what you're saying, the constant having to think about food and planning meals doesn't exactly help with trying to drown out "food noise" in your mind.

How old are your children? Can one or more of them help with meal plans?

You'll get your arse handed to you here and told to take responsibility for your life and choices bla bla bla. But I actually understand what you're saying. It's not them as such but it's your lifestyle. I've piled the pounds on too and it's down to my family lifestyle - being too knackered to meal plan properly, having to cook multiple meals, going along with the weekly family takeaway because everyone else is having it, enjoying a glass of wine with dh because it's our only downtime together, having no time to go the gym, the list goes on.

Deep down I know I am the only one who can make the changes. But it's very very hard when you're stuck in a rut and have lots of other things to consider and so many outside influences.

So no real advice but I hear you and I know it's not easy.

I think I understand what you mean. I got into a bad habit of not thinking about what food I was eating because I was so focused on making sure everyone else was fed and so I was just eating any old thing and the weight piled on. I made a conscious effort earlier this year to think more about what food I was eating. I’m not really calorie counting, just being more mindful about what I’m eating and not eating for the sake of it if you see what I mean? I’ve lost just over 3 stone since February doing this and still get to eat with my family. And I’m eating normal food, not a faddy diet or cutting out food groups. It’s working for me and it’s made me feel so much better. It feels sustainable too. I might not be explaining myself very well. But I think I know how you feel.

Hi op I sort of get what you mean and I understand. I am in a similar position myself. The way I am losing weight is by eating less (not always healthy food all the time but just less than before) and by forcing myself to be as active as active as possible eg have cranked up my mission to declutter the house because it works me up into a sweat!

When you start eating less you magically seem to want less food, it turns out. So the key is to stop constant grazing and having something while you are out shopping for example for the sake of it. I realised I was picking at things all the time and didn't really ever say no to unhealthy snacks or larger portions for example. I can still eat food that is a bit unhealthy but have less that day and I still seem to lose weight but I am also now drinking loads of water and have cut down massively on sugar so have reduced treats in other areas.

The trick is to get to a position where you are in control of your eating and are choosing when and what to eat and not letting the food control you. It also helps if your husband and family decide they also want to get healthier at the same time which is what happened for us good luck op xx

I have a DH with a stressful job, so I do most of the cooking, as do most mums on here, so honestly that's no excuse. BUT I do sympathise with putting on weight...then get to your GP, and sort it out,
BUT I swear more posts these days are mumsnet trying to stay relevant and increase engagement, so I'm unsure if this is real...

I'm afraid because of your opening post, most people will respond as I did.

The issue is your husband isn't sharing the housework, childcare and cooking load when he's not at work. It should be 50/50, why wouldn't it be?

I'd be inclined to start a new thread just talking about that.

I know if I didn’t have to constantly think of everyone’s food. I would be skinnier. I seem to be thinking of every meal straight after preparing previous one. It just doesn’t end! I popping to shop in morning to get strawberries to put in our porridge. Whilst at same time making sure fussy eater’s fave cereal is enough until Thursday when I go shopping next.

Make a plan and stick with it. Don’t eat snacks like biscuits, eat a fruit. Ideally you should finish eating dinner by 7pm and then only eat in the morning. Bf eat only eggs with veg such a onions, bell peppers, mushrooms, spinach,No toast. Mid morning eat an apple. Lunch eat some protein, small portion of carbs and lots of veg. Evening snack cucumber and carrot sticks with humus, Similar to lunch for dinner. Drink 2 L of water daily, walk 10K steps. No sweets, chocolate or any dessert. You will be thin soon. Just focus on portion size.

It is possibly akin to asking an alcoholic to work in a pub!

Sorry your husband and kids are not the issue. You blaming others for your bad food choices or poor lifestyle choices is. I have 3 kids plus DH and cook daily. I am also a size 10 and work out 4 times a week. Nobody is forcing you to eat biscuits or to much food. If your DH works that much pack him a packed lunch and leave it at his desk then head out, put dinner in the slow cooker and go for a walk. Take responsibility for your eating choices and lifestyle choices and things will change.

Take some responsibility for your own actions FGS!

Thank you good advice! I seem to eat all my fussy eaters left overs too which is not helping.

It’s not your husbands fault you’ve gained weight. It’s also not your responsibility to provide every scrap of food for him. Make you and your kids breakfast and lunch and leave him to make his own. I’m sure he’ll survive- he clearly manages on the days you’re in work. You’re martyring yourself a bit. Are your kids school age?

I would stop making your husbands breakfast/lunch. I understand he’s got a stressful job but he’s told you himself not to bother and if he gets hungry he can make himself a sandwich.

and then I’d start making healthy meals for everyone’s dinner. I know you’ve said you’ve got a fussy eater so I don’t know if that’s easier said than done but you want them to grow up and eat well I presume?

finally you need to cut out the late snacking. When I needed to do that I got myself a tonne of fruit so whenever I craved something sweet I ate that instead or I made a cup of tea. It’s sugar but it’s not as easy to binge on oranges as it is biscuits. If you get out of that habit the urge will eventually fade.