To think MIL should know DH is in hospital having serious tests, even though she's on holiday

[hmmwhat1]

DH is on day 5 in hospital having various tests to (hopefully) rule out very nasty potential diagnoses.

He is very stressed, lonely and in need of support. I am unable to visit much as we have young children who are not allowed to visit. All support offered from friends and siblings has been accepted, but DH remains in hospital feeling alone and scared.

DMIL is abroad in a European country on holiday. We are reasonably close to her and have a good relationship. If this had happened when she was in the country, she would be highly involved in this situation.

DH doesn't want to tell her ruin her holiday unless he actually receives a bad diagnosis.

AIBU to think that she should know her son is on day 5 in hospital, facing potentially devastating diagnosis (the nature of the conditions in discussion are that they would deteriorate imminently and could cause almost immediate death), and is not coping well with the support available? As a mother I would 100% want to know and would be on the first flight home, without questions, and just be relieved if it didn't end up being one of the bad diagnoses.

YABU- don't ruin her holiday
YANBU- she should be told

I won't be contacting DMIL, it's DHs decision, but interested to see what others think.

Entirely down to him

Yabu. Your husband has said his wishes.

No he is right, why ruin her holiday when there is no diagnosis?

I have been in your situation, and I have contacted them. If things had taken a horrible turn they would have never forgiven me.

Yanbu. Id hate my child of any age to be alone and scared. A holiday can be repeated.

defo don’t contact

l

Difficult.

If it was me I wouldn't tell my mother until she was home.

But

If it was my son I'd come home in a heartbeat.

Ultimately it is what he decides.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I'm not sure there is anything she can do, except come home, so I'd not tell her.

You will be told to mind your own business on here OP, but as a mother I would definitely want to know, if it were my son I’d be on the next plane home.

Sorry you are going through this worry and bearing this burden. Hope all ends up being treatable.

Your MIL might never forgive you for this, even though it’s DH who is making the decision. I think you should persuade him to let you tell her, but emphasise that he has said not to come home. Are you willing to give her twice daily updates?

Those saying there's nothing she could do- I don't agree... Just being here and with him and part of the support would be enough...?

In these circumstances I would tell her.

When is she due back @hmmwhat1 It's very difficult, but if your DH has said not to tell her, I think you really ought to go with his wishes, at least until you get a diagnosis.

How long has she been away? When is she due back? Does she have many holidays?

She would want to know.

I realise you don’t want to go behind your husband’s back. I get that. But if it was me I would tell her.

I would be fucking livid if I told DH not to tell my DM something and he did anyway. It’s up to him to decide.

I would tell my mil if it was my dh.

I have an adult son and I would million percent want to know and be on the next flight home.

As a mum the lioness comes out when it involves your children,adults or not

With death potentially imminent I would want to know and would be devastated if I missed time with my dc, of any age, because I was on holiday.

But that’s not what he wants.

If he wants her to be there for him he would say that.

Maybe your DH actually doesn’t want his mother there at this time. Handling other people’s worry is quite stressful when you are already dealing with a lot.

How would his poor mother feel if she got home too late to see him?

It's your DH's choice.

To put it very bluntly, is there even a remote chance he might die before or shortly after she returns? If there is, she needs to be told. Otherwise, it is his decision.

I would tell her if he does actually get the diagnosis

YABU to share your DH's private medical information against his wishes. He needs to be able to trust you at the moment and not worry that you would go behind his back because you think you know better.