To think men should understand how unsafe women feel?

[Fraudornot]

So on a works night out and had to get home - I feel unsafe wandering around our large city centre at night on my own to get home. Men who I consider to be fairly aware don’t even think of this as an issue - how to ensure female employees feel safe to get home. What are others experience of this? I’m keen to know what the norm is and if we should all be aware of how women feel getting home after a night out in a city centre. Or should it just be up to us to make sure we can get a taxi. I feel there might well be a pile on about sort yourself out don’t rely on men. But surely we should all ensure the safety of the whole group.

No. I don’t feel my male colleagues are responsible for ensuring I get home after a work event.

Statistically, you’re more at risk of sexual violence from your male coworkers than you are from random strangers on the street at night.

Why wouldn't you get a taxi?

My strapping 21 year old DS wouldn't wander through our city centre at night alone, for fear of being stabbed.

We're all responsible for our own safety when it comes to getting home.

Up to the individual to make their own travel plans

Plus over the years, there have been countless threads on MN from women who were insulted, that men offered to walk them home or to the station etc.

If you want help, you're better off asking for it.

So we don’t think we should make sure everyone on a works night out should get home safely - knew it would go this way

Why did you ‘know’ it would go this way?

What is it you wanted your male colleagues to do? Leave their night to walk you to a taxi? That's unreasonable.

If you're in a large city you can order a taxi via an app straight the door/very close to where you are.

Why s 'works night out'

What about everyone who works late? Do you think we should all be checking in everyone is home from the late shift?

I think we should - but I really do mean everyone.

If anyone handles their alcohol poorly, regardless of gender, we need to get them in a taxi home, not leave them to wander around in a vulnerable state.

If someone isn't in a vulnerable state because they didn't drink or only drank within their tolerance level - it's on them to make their own way home or ask for help.

I have the phone nr. of my local taxi service and the Uber app on my phone, so I would just phone either to take me home.

You need to take care of yourself in life OP and not expect others to go out of their way to escort you.

MN tells you that women are offended by men offering to see then home safely; or women offended by their husbands/partners seeing someone else home safely.

I believe we should all look out for each other (although I'm not hanging around to watch folks get plastered), but that's a minority view.

I agree that the group as a whole should ensure everyone feels (and is) safe getting home.

This doesn't mean the male colleagues escorting the female or helping them get taxis. It means the male colleagues and female colleagues being sensitive and cooperating in choosing a venue it's easy and safe for everyone to get home from, agreeing a sensible time to end and offering lift shares or anything else that might happen to work.

In any situation, we should be aware of the needs of others in the group and sensitive to those who might be more vulnerable.

I generally think that if you're out in a group, everyone has a mutual responsibility to make sure everyone else gets home safely.

I don't think whether you're male or female should come into it though.

I suspect males are pretty much as vulnerable to street violence as women so I don't buy the argument that male colleagues should be responsible for making sure female colleagues are safe. Ideally everyone would message each other to say they've got home ok. But both parties really should make safe home plans before they go out - have Uber/ taxi app, phone charged etc

I would contend that a safe journey home should be part of organising the night out.

A lone woman is seen as a softer target by a mugger, but so is a drunken man.

Everyone should have safe transport home.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · Today 23:20

Why wouldn't you get a taxi?
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My strapping 21 year old DS wouldn't wander through our city centre at night alone, for fear of being stabbed.
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We're all responsible for our own safety when it comes to getting home.

Agree with this. Happy to stand corrected but I believe women are at more risk of being attacked by men known to them and young men are more likely to be attacked by strangers.

I’m knocking on now and am rarely out alone at night but when I was younger I always made sure I knew how I would get home safely before going out or working late.

sunsetsandboardwalksI generally think that if you're out in a group, everyone has a mutual responsibility to make sure everyone else gets home safely“

One always has to be last and on their own though and I’d be pretty miffed if it was always seen as our youngest’s responsibility, 21 year old, simply because he’s male. Young women are perfectly capable of organising transport.

Were you drunk and therefore incapable of arranging a taxi?

Men are a risk wandering through town alone and may feel unsafe.

Unless you are too drunk (or high or very unfamiliar with the area) to make your own way back then you make your own plans - arrange a lift, book a taxi etc

Last work's night I went in, we had to load a couple of overly drunk girls into taxi but otherwise, if not in the cars I was in/left with then I've no idea how they got back

You are probably more at risk from a male coworker getting in a taxi with you/walking you home anyway

And his wife would only end up on MN complaining if he did walk you home safely

Also *some women. Some women don't worry about walking around town.

I personally will always make sure that I am in a position to get myself home. Whether that means not being too drunk and making sure I have enough battery power to order a cab. If I needed help I would expect a male or female colleague to help me, but I am sure that everyone needs to feel like they can get home safely.

Whenever I have been out with mainly men, they tend to ensure that the females are taken care of and get in a cab. I’m also cautious of my male friends getting home too - I live in a city and both men and women can be targets for different reasons. In my experience the men around me are aware of how uncomfortable a man can make a woman feel - and they end up being protective over the females around them. They may never understand exactly how we feel but they might think “I would hate my mum/sister/cousin to ever be in this position because of a jerk”

Also not all woman feel extremely unsafe walking alone to the point where they need a male to intervene. Sometimes women can be let down by women too - the amount of times I’ve seen a girl on her own in the night, drunk because her “friends have left her”.

I seem to recall that men are more at risk from random violence from strangers on the street than women.

Exactly - statistically speaking, the men the OP works with are more at risk of being the victim of violence while walking home at night than she is.

That's not to minimise anything or anybody's experience, not trying to start a fight here.

I think it's a question of making arrangements in advance. As women, we know that we are potentially unsafe at night in a city centre.

I don't think you can expect a male colleague to be aware of how you feel, or to take any particular actions, unless asked directly.

You haven't said why you knew?

Presumably because adults are responsible for their own safety, transport etc and are capable of asking someone else to lift share/walk to the station with them etc?

Is that why you knew?

Or are you suggesting a transport rep should be nominated among the group?