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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should he have helped?

263 replies

Jelnotjel · 13/09/2024 12:10

I was unwell yesterday (Thursday) - in bed, sleeping on and off all day unwell.
At home with two young children.

Fiancé (who lives about 25 minutes away) helped in the day by choice rather than me asking. Great. Then he had to pick up his car late afternoon from a location about twenty minutes away. No problem.

I asked him to come back to help with the evening stuff for the kids. He refused.

He refused because he wanted to rest up for a new job starting on Monday and declined the offer of a bed and room to himself because he thought he might hear the children at five am, ignoring the fact he has all weekend to rest up. He could also have just left to go home after putting them to bed.

I feel like he should have helped in the evening since he was needed. Yes we made it through, no one died but the children got cold leftovers for dinner and i did fall asleep before them so it wasn't ideal, and he had no good reason not to help.

Aibu for thinking he should've helped out?

He's calling me a parasite now for being upset he didn't help.

OP posts:
Brainded · 13/09/2024 12:11

Are they his dc??

AGirlInACountrySong · 13/09/2024 12:12

Is he the children's Dad?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2024 12:12

Is he their dad?

Jelnotjel · 13/09/2024 12:12

Yes he's their dad

OP posts:
AGirlInACountrySong · 13/09/2024 12:13

Why on earth are you living separately?

FiveShelties · 13/09/2024 12:14

Why don't you live together?

Brainded · 13/09/2024 12:14

And you don’t live together why??

LostTheMarble · 13/09/2024 12:15

Jelnotjel · 13/09/2024 12:12

Yes he's their dad

Then he should have done his bit. Why are you living apart?

mushpush · 13/09/2024 12:15

I mean the answer is to leave a man who calls you a parasite and leaves you alone to struggle with the two DC you share when ill!

TheShellBeach · 13/09/2024 12:15

I'd reconsider the wedding and the whole relationship.

(Actually, I would still have a very basic wedding, to get the legal protection. That's if he earns a lot more than you.)

But what a dick.

Swissrollover · 13/09/2024 12:16

mushpush · 13/09/2024 12:15

I mean the answer is to leave a man who calls you a parasite and leaves you alone to struggle with the two DC you share when ill!

Indeed. When is the wedding planned for?

AGirlInACountrySong · 13/09/2024 12:16

What wedding??

Gymnopedie · 13/09/2024 12:16

Brainded · 13/09/2024 12:14

And you don’t live together why??

Probably because the 'D'P doesn't want to have to be a full time parent. He sounds incredibly self centred.

AGirlInACountrySong · 13/09/2024 12:17

Brainded · 13/09/2024 12:14

And you don’t live together why??

Is it one of 'those' situations?

Spenditlikebeckham · 13/09/2024 12:17

Sounds like him living elsewhere should be permanent.. And refer to him as an ex.....

Jelnotjel · 13/09/2024 12:19

We were looking to move in together next year when married. As for why we don't live together currently... We did before some years ago and it didn't work out. Going back didn't make sense financially or logistically with work.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/09/2024 12:19

This is him OP. The line he has drawn on what you can expect from him.

You can either accept it or not. It's up to you. Hope you feel better soon .

ItWasOnAStarryNight · 13/09/2024 12:20

Maybe start thinking about the kids and what's best for them rather than flogging a dead horse

Brainded · 13/09/2024 12:21

So you’re going to get married and then move in together with a guy who doesn’t think that he should come look after it so that night when you’re sick, after it didn’t work the first time?? With all due respect what on earth makes you think it’s going to work the second time?

Boltonb · 13/09/2024 12:21

Jelnotjel · 13/09/2024 12:19

We were looking to move in together next year when married. As for why we don't live together currently... We did before some years ago and it didn't work out. Going back didn't make sense financially or logistically with work.

Wow. A wedding sounds like a great idea 👍🏻

Woahtherehoney · 13/09/2024 12:21

Baffling why you are still together? Don’t live together and he’s an appalling dad by the sounds of it!

AGirlInACountrySong · 13/09/2024 12:21

So do you both work op?

JustSaltPlease · 13/09/2024 12:21

what @gamerchick said

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 13/09/2024 12:22

Sell the ring, take the kids somewhere nice.

Ditch the knobhead.

Things didn't work out before for a reason. You'd be absolutely idiotic to think it's going to work out again just because 'married'.

Cheesecakecookie · 13/09/2024 12:22

What a prince among men.

Does he have a solid gold cock ? I can’t see any good things about him form your posts.