Should he have helped?

[Jelnotjel]

I was unwell yesterday (Thursday) - in bed, sleeping on and off all day unwell.
At home with two young children.

Fiancé (who lives about 25 minutes away) helped in the day by choice rather than me asking. Great. Then he had to pick up his car late afternoon from a location about twenty minutes away. No problem.

I asked him to come back to help with the evening stuff for the kids. He refused.

He refused because he wanted to rest up for a new job starting on Monday and declined the offer of a bed and room to himself because he thought he might hear the children at five am, ignoring the fact he has all weekend to rest up. He could also have just left to go home after putting them to bed.

I feel like he should have helped in the evening since he was needed. Yes we made it through, no one died but the children got cold leftovers for dinner and i did fall asleep before them so it wasn't ideal, and he had no good reason not to help.

Aibu for thinking he should've helped out?

He's calling me a parasite now for being upset he didn't help.

How is an 'overnight shag' and a bit of maintenance a basis for marriage?

This isn’t a partnership. He’s treating you as a casual girlfriend, not the mother of his children. Overnight shag indeed.

The good thing is that if you decide to part ways, the logistics are already taken care of.

You can do better than this. Being properly single is better than this.

The bar is set low with this one.

Well it's clearly loads better now.

Jesus Christ.

This whole thing... no words

So he basically only ever stays over when he wants an "overnight shag?

How lovely for your children.

He's showing you who he is op.

Do you want a husband who thinks it's acceptable to call his wife a parasite for asking him to help care for his own children when she's unwell?

It doesn't sound like he brings much to the table that you don't already have covered yourself op.

This must be so confusing for the children. Their father is in a casual girlfriend type arrangement with their mum.

And seemingly doesn't look after them much. Does he have them for a regular contact routine at his home etc?

Please don’t marry someone who calls you a parasite. That’s all. I’m sure you can do better.

Jesus this is grim. Get rid

Report these families! You can do it anonymously

And you're marrying Prince Charming??

You're being taken for a mug. Please dump this useless toad.

Maintain your financial independence, OP, be it benefits or work.

You'd be a fool to marry this man. It didn't work before and it will not work post-wedding.

He doesn't parent and he calls you a 'parasite.' He is selfish and and clearly does not respect you.

You can do better.

A wedding sounds like a fantastic idea. 👍🏼👍🏼

The minute he called you a parasite i was like Wtaf.

then to find out there are his actual children 🤯

OP you would be utterly insane to continue a relationship let alone consider marriage.

This is weird all round. What a strange way to raise your kids. I can only imagine it’s to maximise your state benefits.

He would look after you if he cared about you, and he wouldn’t call you names if he loved you.

The fact you say you're engaged, and he's the children's father, but you don't live in the same house is 100% relevant.

How can you not see that?

Another outlier situation where the OP thinks it's normal and we're all familiar with what to do! YABU.

How does paying for two houses make financial sense?
But yes another vote for binning him off

Uhm. He called you ‘a parasite’. Says it all. 🤮

I think the OP gets housing benefit.

Your relationship sounds crazy.

You separated because you didn't get on.

You're still not happy.

Going back didn't make sense financially or logistically with work.

But you're sticking it out because financially you are better off as you get benefits as a single parent.

Just end it.

I suspect communication is the issue.. Fuck off should cover it....

Fucked up dynamic you have there.

the way your thread read it was as if he wasn’t actually the DC father but he actually is!?

you have to ask this man to take care of HIS children!?