Should he have helped?

[Jelnotjel]

I was unwell yesterday (Thursday) - in bed, sleeping on and off all day unwell.
At home with two young children.

Fiancé (who lives about 25 minutes away) helped in the day by choice rather than me asking. Great. Then he had to pick up his car late afternoon from a location about twenty minutes away. No problem.

I asked him to come back to help with the evening stuff for the kids. He refused.

He refused because he wanted to rest up for a new job starting on Monday and declined the offer of a bed and room to himself because he thought he might hear the children at five am, ignoring the fact he has all weekend to rest up. He could also have just left to go home after putting them to bed.

I feel like he should have helped in the evening since he was needed. Yes we made it through, no one died but the children got cold leftovers for dinner and i did fall asleep before them so it wasn't ideal, and he had no good reason not to help.

Aibu for thinking he should've helped out?

He's calling me a parasite now for being upset he didn't help.

Right I was with you until you jumped straight to affair 🙄

So what are you doing to do?

1. Seems to want brownie points for "helping" earlier in the day.
2. Refuses to parent his children.
3. Needs down time for three days before an interview.
4. Calls you a parasite.

Don't marry him please. Reading your OP I assumed they weren't his kids. Of course he should be parenting his own children. You being unwell is almost irrelevant. He's awful.

Last night is the least of your problems! He doesn’t want to “help” with his own children?! It must be lovely having a skivvy (you), whilst drifting round doing what you want and resting up for his Big Important Man Job (him). Why do you indulge this nonsense?

He should be doing half of parenting anyway on a normal basis.

IT'S NOT HELPING WHEN ITS A PARENT DOING IT.

And he shouldn't be rude to the mother of children, let alone someone he purports to love

You say he pays maintenance

So you aren't together....yet call him a fiancé?

Will I ever stop being surprised at how low the bar is for male behaviour on this website? No, I don't think I will. Every time I think I've seen the lowest it can go, along comes someone like you OP with a shovel to bury it just a little deeper.

He changed… so this is his better version? This is him doing better…. You just keep saying that out loud. @Jelnotjel and then you might understand what I’m trying to say

Yes, that's also odd.

Why don't you share finances? You're intending to get married, supposedly.

Verbally abusive, nice. What a lovely man. Don't marry him op, this is him. What an absolute knob. You do know it will never get better, right?

Oh wow. I was thinking they must not be his DC and that he doesn't see supporting you with them as his responsibility, which might be a reason, but IMO you'd still help someone you loved in that situation, regardless of whose DC they are.

If they're his, the man's an arse. Parasite? How dare he?!

This has definitely made me rethink things re marriage.
He doesn't need to fifty fifty as I've been unemployed this last month so expect to do most of the parenting.
@GabriellaMontez thank you for explaining.
I am currently 'Benefit scum', yes but @Sparklfairy you're in some delusional land

Jesus Christ don’t marry him fgs.

Of course he should’ve fucking been there. Living together or not, if he’s your fiancé you should be a partnership.

Not sure how financially it doesn’t work to live together?

Sounds like now he has changed back again ....

YABU to carry on with him. He has shown you who he is, raise your bar fgs and dump him rather than put your kids through this "relationship"

I’m pretty sure the 28% saying YABU have assumed he’s not their Dad! This sounds absolutely mad. I’m not generally part of the LTB brigade but seriously - you want to marry him?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

It's relevant because he has an easy option to always opt out of family life

I voted you were unreasonable until I read he was their dad. Get out while you can OP. Don't get married to this dickhead. It didn't work before and that's obviously for a reason. Never go backwards.

He’s a piece of shit

So your living arrangements are to protect your benefits? I don't know, the whole thing seems ridiculous to me.

I thought he was just a boyfriend, in which case helping out would have been nice and supportive, but not a duty. But he's the kids father?? What a nasty piece of work he is. Please don't marry him, OP, you're going to regret it.

Let me get this straight: you’re planning to MARRY a man who can’t be bothered to take care of his children and lives separately from them so he can just pay maintenance? Jeremy Kyle would have so many things to say to him.

Run. He hasn’t changed.

Honestly, I wouldn't marry him at all. He doesn't help you when you/kids need him. He lives elsewhere and he's calling you names. It didn't work out before, and it's not going to work out when you're living together again. It's doesn't matter if you're a single parent on benefits, it's better to be alone than with him. You'll lose your money, home when you split from him in the future. He is not a good father or husband. Please don't make any more children with him.

If you've only been unemployed a month, how much did he do before then?