Should he have helped?

[Jelnotjel]

I was unwell yesterday (Thursday) - in bed, sleeping on and off all day unwell.
At home with two young children.

Fiancé (who lives about 25 minutes away) helped in the day by choice rather than me asking. Great. Then he had to pick up his car late afternoon from a location about twenty minutes away. No problem.

I asked him to come back to help with the evening stuff for the kids. He refused.

He refused because he wanted to rest up for a new job starting on Monday and declined the offer of a bed and room to himself because he thought he might hear the children at five am, ignoring the fact he has all weekend to rest up. He could also have just left to go home after putting them to bed.

I feel like he should have helped in the evening since he was needed. Yes we made it through, no one died but the children got cold leftovers for dinner and i did fall asleep before them so it wasn't ideal, and he had no good reason not to help.

Aibu for thinking he should've helped out?

He's calling me a parasite now for being upset he didn't help.

Is this real as it doesn't make a lot of sense

Just read the OP's posts.
It makes perfect sense.

You need to stop splitting up and getting back together, it's going to be very confusing and upsetting for the kids.

Financially.... because of government assistance? I can't see why else it would be financially sensible for you to run 2 households between you rather than one. Everyone knows it is cheaper to pay one set of bills.

And logistically with work... how come? Unless he has a job where he has to be stationed at a work venue overnight, why can't you all live together?

I ask because it does seem this isn't a relationship at all. And added to this that he isn't wanting to come over to help with his own kids... why are you together at all?

Ah i see this update. So actually yes he should come over to help his kids but also you cant have him come over too often because youre claiming benefits based on not living together and him not being financially responsible for your household.

Re your comment about whether people would be annoyed with questions, yes I'd be annoyed however I'd understand it if the people asking were part of an organisation giving me money because I was suggesting that I was running my own household and therefore this other person's income shouldn't be accounted for. You have to understand that though annoying, there is a clear reason why people who are actually operating like a family unit shouldn't for benefits purposes be assessed as not being one.

In your situation it sounds like he's being rubbish and you aren't operating as one unit - but then why are you together? And if you want to be together, you're getting married, they're his kids and you are one unit then operate like one and don't claim as a single household.

By “financially”, I assume you mean you get more in benefits by not living together? Because, generally, two people paying their own way are better off living together. FFS 😢🤬

That is what she meant. The benefits thing.

But as they've now split up, it's irrelevant.

I think you need stay split now, it will be better for you and your children going forwards

Good for you, OP. Now take some time for yourself and try to support the new you and explore why you accepted such terrible treatment this wanker and thought he was a plausible husband.

Maybe because he sounds like a selfish cunt

The joys of having kids with the wrong one

I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I'm glad it's over. You as a human have value and worth - Far more worth than this part-time leg-over of a sperm donor. Do something for you, OP. You could even do an Open Uni degree and improve your future circumstances, get student finance (which is deducted from UC) - If it's something you would like to do! You weren't just put on this earth to he someone's doormat, or to pop out kids.

Head up, shoulders back, tits forward! You're going to be OK.

Oh my goodness! There are so many red flags here! He wants to have his cake and eat it! You’re on a hiding to nothing with this guy! I’m so sorry for you!