Teenagers joining in with adult meals with guests

[axolotlfloof]

Our kids are mid to older teens.
Last 2 times we have had dinner at friends' houses (without our children) friends' teenage daughters have been at the meal (fine) and then have stayed and joined in (which obviously affects what can be discussed) until we have left. I don't really want to leave my kids at home to hang out with other people's teens.
Now friend has texted to say her teenage daughter will join us for dinner out at the weekend.
Aibu to think this is poor etiquette?
I like seeing these kids and knowing they are doing alright. I don't particularly want to spend the evening with them.
Aibu?

I think fine at their house, although it would be nice if the teens melted away at some point in the evening.

Telling you all as a fact that teens are coming out for your group dinner is a bit U, surely it’s more a question of “do you mind if X comes for Y good reason?”

I agree that if your don’t want to leave your teens to hang out with others, you’ll have to bring yours too!

Can't you see there are lots of topics women.may want to discuss away from teens kids?

@axolotlfloof yes sure but I'd discuss with my mates on our own. Not at a dinner party with their husbands 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well I never knew some people discuss sex at the dinner table. That’s good etiquette? 😆

What’s etiquette got to do with anything? Unless you’re royalty I’d say a group of adults can discuss whatever they want over dinner.

It was a reference to the OP.

In their own home, thats fine, obviously.

But joining you for a meal out? I wouldn't be very keen. I wouldn't have wanted to have had my DS come out with me when I met my friends for a meal. It does change the whole vibe.

I would just say that you were looking forward to escaping your kids for the evening to just enjoy a bit of adult time so you're going to cancel on this occasion but you're happy to do it again another time

No 😂 although I don't think he'd mind he's quite an unusual kid.
The friends I'm talking about are about 15 years older than him & 15 years younger than me and they do have things in common. They aren't mummy friends desperate for kid free time - he finds that lot boring!

I do think some parents have serious mum goggles on and think their friends genuinely want to hang out with their teens.

@gannett for one thing I do not think it is good for

OP - I'm the same as you, it puts a different vibe on the evening, I ended up sitting next to the teen last time, making polite conversation. We left that one fairly early on.....
I can't imagine my 3 teenagers wanting to join in with an adult dinner party.

Obviously not all the time. But when friends are together and drink is had, yes sometimes sex is brought up.

I think dining with adult guests is an essential part of growing up. Slightly different if you're going out to dinner but I think only in Britain would anyone actually expect teens to not eat with the adults? Seems utterly weird to me to do any otherwise.

I agree that them having dinner with you at their home is fine, but them going out with you for a meal seems unusual. However, as someone who was an awkward teen with few friends, could it be that their DC are the same? I'd consider this in case they would welcome the chance to socialise. My friend's DD was like this a couple of years ago after her so-called friends started leaving her out, her coming out with us one Saturday evening got her out of the house.

The OP didn't say that the teenager shouldn't dine with her.

She said she thought the teenager would do her own thing after they had eaten and she said that she thought it would change the dynamic of the planned night out if they brought teenagers with them.

Yet, if you read the post, and subsequent ones it suggests teens should eat with guests (if they want to) but go and do their own thing after dinner.